Right, soundtrack of the day is Stupid Girls by Pink.

It's just hanging around my head since yesterday. I try not to think about it, cos it's like an old injustice since the ancient time (well, not really, perhaps only since the created the term "celebrity"), but it keeps lingering around:

It's the topic of "The Popular Girls"

Uh-huh. So we all know that they're the ones who always get the attention. Not only by the guys, but also by the teachers, and everyone in between. Have you seen the movie 'Mean Girls'? It's pretty much like that. I don't even want to talk about it cos it's such a common knowledge it gets sickening.

But one other thing that bothers me ugly is, they hate studying. They didn't exactly come to school for studying. I can't say for sure that they like knowledge or education, either. But with less effort, they get the pretty much the same result as other people --as other diligent people.

And so, the most glorious question of all time emerges: WHY?

So, we also know that this life is unfair, right? That we -or, I- should just get over with it and face facts, right? But, I can't! It's just....

Why? WHY? WHY?!

I began to have doubts about the Academy I study in [may God forgive my poor soul]. Perhaps I should have went to a school where all the students are geeks, and there's no so-called popular anybody. But oh well, I'm here anyway. God put me here for a reason (right?). Might as well carry on till the last drop of blood.

I cannot believe Jared didn't win! *is throwing tantrums* And harder to believe, he didn't win from Frank Iero!

>Official PETA news<

But *ahem* anyway, enough about Jared Leto, let's talk about ME :D

Well, I had a speaking test today. And, I really hate it to talk so long (five minutes, actually) in front of so many people. But, my, aren't I surprise that it all went well :)
Of course, NOT astonishing or anything. But I didn't toss my notes or stumble on my way to the front, that's good enough.
Anyway, there's another notable thing that happened today. I accidentally saw this video about "Oprah's church" on YouTube:

May I note first, I really don't like the title using the word "exposed." Feels like it was accusing the New Earth belief as some kind of crime or something.
It is a shocking new lesson, of course, but it is bad enough to claim that "We are the only truth." Moreover to say that "We are the only truth, and you are all wrong."
I just want to comment something about what Oprah had said starting around 4:10 : Why don't we put it this way, that God is so love us, that He jealous? Like, if you love someone so much, no matter how open-minded you are, at some point, you WILL jealous if s/he started to like someone else. Right? Don't you dare to say no.

And, in 4:28... Oprah, God is not jealous OF you. God is jealous BECAUSE OF you.
Well, of course, I'm not in the position to correct her. My first language isn't English, and I'm not the one who's been hosting a talk show for the last 23 years (geez, I haven't even born by the time she started the show).
5:20 How can you learn from a so-called teacher who doesn't even know where he's going when he's dead? And very curious that the video is cut out to another scene before he finish his answer....
5:34 How can you feel when you don't believe?
Okay, this one is a bit more personal. In minutes 4:45, Oprah said "...the search of something more than doctrine."
It always take me by surprise how everyone outside Christianity (sometimes even turned-Christians) say to me, "How can you worship a God which is indoctrinated to you since childhood?" Well, if you said that to me when I was 10, I probably speechless. But, hello?! I'm more than 2 decades of age right now, don't you think I have questioned God myself? Don't you think I've searched of "the other answers/ways" myself?
Well, I have. And I have yet to find a better truer God than Jesus Christ.

But anyway, all in all, I can only agree with the narrator:
Christians! It's time to open your eyes, shut down your TV, and pray!

rantRANT!

Soundtrack of the day: Phase 1 Fortification by 30 Seconds to Mars.

Only in God do I find my strength. How true, David.
You can search through and through, nowhere else will you find a shelter. Thank God, I found You.
Here I am today, on the peak of the happiest days in my life. And I’ve learnt not to dismiss such feelings like these. I need to memorize it, conserve it, for strength in darker days.
But still, my happiest days are tainted. Not only by small patches of annoying things (we all have those), but by spits of some madmen. As always, like so many times before; it amazes me why I never get used to it. Will I ever get used to it?

Selfish. Can someone please define that word for me? Better yet, give me few examples?
Selfish. It’s an adjective isn’t it? Like angry? So everyone has it and does it, right? Selfishness, like anger? Only in different measures? So why point your finger at other people when you still do the same thing? Geez, buy a mirror. Or talk a walk at the mall, there are many reflective surfaces in there.
We have our own weaknesses, our own weak moments. Why can’t we live friendlier to each other? Loosen the rules, who cares anyway?! Loosen the rules, or we all are going to die suffocated!

“All of your life, trying to be… You are the one who cannot see..”

God, this is confusing! I’m having headache..

May I write my Christmas wish earlier?

Guess what! MTV Asia Award is going to be held in Genting, Malaysia this year. The exact date of the event is on August 2nd.
Buutt.. That is not the big news. The big news is.... *takes a deep breath* guess who's going to host it?

JARED LETO! Yes, Jared Leto as the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars, Jared Leto as Jared who played in Lord of War and Alexander!

> See the news here! <

OH. MY. GOD! *shudder* I really want to go.
But it won't be fun if I go alone. I have to look for friend(s) who live in Singapore and/or Malaysia AND is/are 30 Seconds to Mars' fan(s).
Or, if the circumstance is depressing, I have to force at least one of my friends to be 30 Seconds to Mars' fan and force him/her accompany me to the Awards... *lol*

MyBabyTrees.org

Guys, take a look here: http://id.mybabytree.org/

Here, you can help save forests in Borneo (Kalimantan), Indonesia. Only by paying US$5.50 (atau Rp. 45.000,- buat orang Indonesia), you can buy a tree and watch it grows!

You will be sent a proof through Google Earth by the volunteers of the program.

The cost you pay is for the seed,land, nursery, maintenance, protection and final transplantation.

Better still, you can carve your name (or the name of your loved one) on the tree trunk!

What are you waiting for?! Go and check out the site!

Christmas in Singapore

It's Christmas' season already in Singapore! I love Christmas, it's one of the holidays I love the most. No, wait, it's the only holiday I love.
Anyway, the Christmas ambiance is felt strongly here in Singapore. Most of the shops already have they're Christmas tree installed, and the Christmas decoration can be seen everywhere.

The magnificent thing of all is, you can see all the way from Tanglin road, to Orchard to Dobby Ghout (maybe even further, but I'm not sure), the highways, streets and trees are decorated with lightings and purple snowflakes. Oh, my favorites! Snowflakes and the color purple!
Also, the theme of this Christmas is 'A Fairytale Christmas'; How unique!
I heard Singapore government spent a huge sum of money for the lights: S$80 million, wow!
And, to add the attraction, there is -as usual- end of year sale everywhere :p So, if you live everywhere else, you really should visit Singapore this times of the year.
Click here to read more about Christmas in Singapore, and here about the Christmas lights (alright now, let me make this clear, I'm not the spokesperson of Singapore Tourism Board *lol*).

However, despite of the blings and glitz of it, let's not forget the true meaning of CHRISTmas: it's the birthday of our Lord! Have you prepared a present for Him?

I miss my -sweet- lovely durian.
Do you still remember who you are?
I do - :)

- -:- - -:- -

Sekarang aku tahu apa yang aku takutkan. Bukan mimpi yang terlalu indah yang takkan menjadi kenyataan, tapi mimpi yang menjadi kenyataan tapi ternyata tak seindah yang aku bayangkan.

Home

Two days here, and I already want to go away. Don't get me wrong, it's not that something become more unpleasant. Everything is just like always.

Precisely because it's just like always.

Guess what, he dropped by and viewed my Friendster page! One thing I never imagine he would do -not after what have happened between us. But he did! I was so pleasantly surprised, I took a screenshot of my Friendster's Who Viewed Me page :p
I never admit it to anyone, but I do miss him - as a FRIEND. We used to hang out together, and I miss those times. Maybe he misses them too? Maybe -I almost dare not to think about it- he misses me??

Like the song says:
Have you ever stayed up waiting for a telephone call, just to hear her say hello cause you miss each other's soul?
But I'm not sure about the 'each other' part, maybe it's just me missing him.

Yes, I miss his "soul". How he never failed to give me a sense of security whenever I'm with him. But, I barely knew this, he always feel insecure whenever he's with me. How sad, and how pathetic I am. I push away the only guy I want to be close to. And he never realize how much he means to me, how he's so great in my eyes.
And now that I really think about it, he WAS and IS the best guy I've ever known :'( I miss him.

"Never judge a book by its cover"

"Never judge a book by its cover", how many times have we heard this saying? But how many times have we failed to do it? Or instead should I say: how many times have we succeeded to do it?
It is alway easier to point your finger at everyone else, than to point it towards yourself, isn't it?
Hrrgh..whatever. I'm just having a super bad day today. And I think I'm going crazy. All I think of is just him. Can't concentrate myself to other things. And what does he have to do with judging a book by its cover? Well, people judge him because of who he is. Fact is, those people don't know him. And those people judge me because I love him for who he is. Shallow people. They're so lost.

"This is the story of unspoken love..."

Prove human never listens

Whatever you do, DON'T CLICK ON THIS!!!

It's been only 6 days, and my Nokia 6280 has already broken :DWell, I was moving some files from the memory card to phone memory last night, then suddenly it went off. I tried to turn it on, but it just won't. It was on for a while, blink-blink, then went off again -I haven't even dropped it! *lol* And because today is Sunday, I have to wait until tomorrow to bring it to Nokia centre. Thank God I still have my N-Gage with me.
Well, another lesson learnt. The old one who still stand by you until today is the most loyal one, and is irreplaceable by no one else. Oh I love you, N-Gage [My N-Gage have 'fallen' because of me, many, many times :p].

Happy birthday to me...!

My wish for this birthday
and all I wanted for Christmas
is going to college.......... and a laptop! *lol*

It's December, and it's my birthday!

...and it will soon Christmas!

It's my birthday.... and the best one just yet.
Well, it's the same as last year, no mom, no cake, no brother.. But everybody remembers! When I woke up in the morning, I got like, 10 smses. Cool.
Then, the better thing is... when it 12.30 odd am [last night, you can say], I got out from my room and there was my father in the living room. And he said, "hey, it's 12am...happy birthday", he hugged me. I said, "thanks..". Then he said, "I love you...". I was speechless and was close to tears...
And the best thing... I got presents...From my stepmom, a necklace. I was kinda surprise she gives me a present. I mean, if she knows it's my birthday, that could be because my dad told her. But if she bought me a present, that means she has prepared it..From my dad...a Nokia 6280! Well, at first, my reaction was "a cellphone...ok". But then, I fall so in love with it. It has camera, we can put themes on it, and what I love the most.. is the shape. It's just so cool! I've been wanting to buy a cellphone for so long, but I just couldn't pick the suitable one. Maybe God think "oh come on, pick one quick. Not yet? Ok, here, I'll just give you one" :-D
It's December.... ooh I LOVE December.What's not to love about it? It's rainy season [winter, in some parts of the world], it's going to be Christmas, it's holiday season. And Christina Aguilera said "..everybody's home for Christmas..". Well, not quite EVERYBODY, but at least it's TIME for everybody to come home. And that's exactly what going to happen, all my best friends are going back to our city. There will be sooo much fun. We've been emailing each other, saying: I'm so excited.. I can't wait... I've made a list of what we can do when I'm there..
Talking about my best friends... It's so funny when I think about it, there are four of us, and we are best friends to each other [so doesn't matter if it's only any of the two of us who get together, we'll still enjoy ourselves] and our birthdays are also close to each other [28th&30th Nov, 4th&5th Dec]. So each time, we'll give presents to each other, it's feels like we celebrating Christmas too early *lol*.

Do you know...?

You can only tear the Nescafe packaging on one side?

am
I've just received a call. I have to come to Batam TV station tomorrow evening to have some kind of acting class, and then do some ads so people will vote for me! [like "here's my number, sms 'BTI space EvaBerlin to...' "] *lol* Well, wish me luck!!

pmI'm back from the audition tonight -again. But this time, I just went there to accompany Rosiana. She passed too! So we both will go to Batam TV station tomorrow at 3 p.m. Rosiana did very great. Well, at first, she was nervous, so her expressions weren't obvious. One of the judges asked her to do a 'scene' where she got rape then found out that she was pregnant. This time her acting is marvelous, she even cry a real one and saying things like "I have to kill myself, I'm going to kill myself".

I'm so drown with jealousy, you know. No, not because Rosiana has passed the audition [I'm so happy for her!]. But because tonight when I was watching the other participants... when they passed and they got off from the stage, their family or friends [or both] will congratulate them, and laughing, and everything. One of the participant said that she came there without any support from her parents, because her parents think the whole artist-thing is absurb. But, she was there with 4 or 5 friends. When the judges said she passed, her friends were cheering like crazy. Even Rosiana has someone to share the joy. Her mother wasn't there when she did the audition. But by the time the audition over, her mother pick her up, and Rosiana was describing the whole audition with enthusiasm.

Anyway, all I have to worry now is tomorrow's shooting though [ehm, sounds so cool, 'shooting']. So I'd better get some sleep now... Good night!

zzzzzzzzzz......

One of the happiest days of my life...

Gues what! I took part in audition of BTI [Bintang Tionghua Indonesia (Indonesia Chinese Star --sound weird in English *lol*) that is], and... I passed! Well, only to the semifinal, but that is sooo good already.
There were 4 judges in the audition; 2 men and 2 women. They asked us [the participants] to do expression of gladness, anger, sadness, and happiness. Yeah, at first I was confused too, what's the different between gladness and happiness. Then I understood -watching the other participants before me- that gladness is like when you smiling at something funny, but happiness is like when you win 1-million-dollars lottery. So I did the expressions, to my surprise, the judges said my 'sadness' was not obvious. I thought the only expression I'm good at is sadness. So one of the judges wanted me to act out some kind of scene: where my mother had already died, and I cried "please don't leave me...!" Oh yeah, that is so oh-what-a-coincidence. My mom HAD already died [but of course I didn't tell the judges that or otherwise they would've changed the 'scene']. And do you realize what the weirdest thing is? That is exactly what I said when my mother passed away: Mom, please don't leave me...!

Anyway, so I started to act... and I started to cry -real one. My voice became shaky and there were tears.. The judges were so impressed *lol*. But judge number one said "It's easy to shed tears in acting, but I can see your face still smiling". I was like "...what?!" Well, it's good though. It's all good. Haha..so I'm going to the semifinal on 19th. Oh, before that, my best mate Rosiana will have the audition on 15th. So I have to come to give her some support.

You know, what makes me happy passing this audition is not that I believe I will [or hoping to] get the part [read: becoming an actress], not at all, I know I'm sooo far from that. But passing this become some kind of...self proving. That "hey, I can act too". That finally at the very least, there's something I can do that some people appreciate. Besides, I took part for the experience, and I know I'll get so much from this.
Ugh, and you know what, the female judges said I'm beautiful [thank you!]. And Rosiana said she can't believe that I can did that, confidently. All she knew was the geeky shy Eva Berlin. Well people I'm overdue, give me some room, I'm coming through.

*lol* I'm glad I'm so much better than me years ago. I really have to thank my God, Jesus Christ. Selamat -my other best mate- was right, I really have to turn to God in everything :-)

It's my IELTS test today. As you all know, there are 4 parts in IELTS test: listening, reading, writing, and speaking. The first three were on 4th, today was speaking. I had no problem in listening and reading. But then in writing...the time is so not enough. So my grammar was like...sucks. They only gave us an hour, and the questions were "describe the graphs below" and "what do you think the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare?" I don't even understand what on earth 'private healthcare' is [can someone tell me, please..?] I spent 40 minutes for the firstquestion alone, so when I got to question number two I thought whatever, I'll just write down whatever comes to my mind.
That is not the worst just yet. In speaking, I was asked many questions which I don't even know the answers in Indonesian [my mother language]. I'm talking about questions like:
"How do you think fashion has affect our world today?"
"Is it more important for teenager or older people to follow fashion?"
"Describe the clothes you bought recently, where did you bought it, and why do you bought it." I was thinking "Well, I did NOT buy any clothes LATELY". I end up talking crap about the dress I bought for my dad's wedding..
I'm so anxious waiting for the result. It would be so embarrasing if I fail the test, I'll be mocked to death if not for the rest of my life. Oh dear Lord Jesus Christ, please please please let me pass the test....

Films I've watched in my life...

I think it would be fun to note down films I've watched in my life.

It turns out to be very surprising how many movies I've watched over the years. Here's the list. I put links [for trailer] to the films that I reccomend and films which I think inconspicuous to many.

8mm
A Life Less Ordinary

A Smile Like Yours
Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls
America's Sweethearts
Anaconda
Anna and the King
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Aquamarine
Back to the Future
Backflash
Batman Forever
The Beach
Bedazzled
Black Knight
Brokeback Mountain
Bruce Almighty
Butterfly Effect, The
Catch Me If You Can
Charlie's Angel
Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, The Witch, and The WardrobeCleopatra [starring Leonor Varela]Click
Confession of A Teenage Drama Queen
Constantine
Date Movie
DaVinci Code, The
Death Becomes Her
Desperado
Die Hard
Die Hard: With A Vengeance
Dude, Where's My Car?

Ella Enchanted
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Evita
Eye of the Beholder
Eyes Wide Shut

Face/Off
Faculty, The
Fight Club
Flinstones, The
The Fog
Forrest GumpGirl Next Door, The
Gladiator
Glass House, The
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hell Boy
Hitch
Home Alone
How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days

I Know What You Did Last Summer
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Independence Day

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!
Jerry Maguire
Joe Dirt
Jumanji
Jurrasic Park

Karate Kid, The

Lake House
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The
Look Who's Talking
Lords of the Rings: The Fellowship of the RingLords of the Rings: The Two TowersLords of the Rings: The Return of the King

Madagascar
Man In the Iron Mask, The
Marvin's Room
Mary Higgins Clark: All Around the Town
Matrix, The
Matrix Reloaded
Matrix Revolution
May
Mean Girls
Meet Joe Black
Men In Black I & II
Mexican, The
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
Mission Impossible I & II
Moulin Rouge
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Mummy, The
Mummy Returns, The
My Best Friend's Wedding
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

New York Minutes
Notebook, The

Ocean's Eleven
Once Upon A Time In China
Panic Room
Passion of the Christ, The
The PatriotPearl Harbour
Perfume
Phantom of the Opera, ThePirates of the Carribean - Cursed of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest
Poltergeist
Primal Fear
Princess Diaries, The 1 & 2
Reach the Rock
Recruit, The
Ring, The
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Robocop
Romeo + Juliet
Saw I & Saw II
Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, 4.
Scent of A Woman
Scooby Doo
Scream 1, 2, 3Screwed
Se7en
See No Evil, Hear No Evil
Seven Years In Tibet
Shanghai Noon
Shanghai Knight
Shark Tale
Shrek I & II
Sign
Silent Hill
Sixth Sense
Sleeping With the Enemy
Sleepy Hollow
Sound of Music, The
Spiderman I & II
Spy Kid
Steal [aka Riders]
Stepford Wives, The
Striking Poses
Sweetest Thing, The
Swordfish

Taxi 3
Terminator
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Quick and the Dead
There's Something About Mary
Titanic
Troy
Truman Show, The

Van Helsing
Vannila SkyWar of the Worlds, The
WasabiWicker Park
Winning London

X-Men
X2: X-Men United
X-Men: The Last Stand
xXx

::My metamorphosis::

I have just updated my friendster. Just to obliquely let everybody knows: I have metamorphosed from a caterpillar who was living in the darkness of a cocoon, feeling depressed and lonely, into a happy butterfly –a happy beautiful butterfly.
I know there are some who people find it ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or whatever.
And some people who think I AM ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or whatever.
But as the saying goes “Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a thing”, so I’ll just fly away, enjoying my new wings and freedom, and leave them alone in their cocoon.

[-But one thing they should know: careful, I'm still sexy, naughty, and noxious-]

~*How does one become a butterfly?
You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar*~