~Audi alteram partem~

You know your part of the story. Now hear the other side.
Cos everyone just want to be heard

Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts

There are no contradictions

This is a story of contradictions of a certain wise person.
Disclaimer: All quotes are indeed real and not exaggeration, in all their ridiculousness. Only the timeline is jumbled up. If it's not clear, calling the person "wise" is a sarcasm.

Me: You should watch Game of Thrones.
Wise person (WP): I don't have time. I'm working to build the perfect software to earn money so I don't have to work for the rest of my life.
Me: K
WP: Talk to you later. I gotta catch a Pokemon.

- - : - -

Me: I'm thinking to move to Europe, for a chance to settle down there.
WP: You're so childish. You're a bad planner. You're not thinking of all the aspects. You only see the beautiful things, but not considering the negative things. Like racism. Listen to me, I've read the geopolitical information, psychology of the people, and inflation and exchange rate. I know that Europe economy is going down in a few years. Do you really want to live in such a place? Believe me, you don't.
Me: K
WP: Omg, I'm late for a meeting. Which direction to this place?

- - : - -

Me: I'm changing my lifestyle, so I'm cutting back on sugar.
WP: You only want to lose weight, right? You only care about looking skinny. Losing weight is not just about cutting back sugar. Like me, now I'm jogging every night. Do you wanna know how much I lost? I've lost 8 kg. My wife has lost 13 kg.
Me: K
WP: BTW, have you tried Nutella?

Knowing all the facts doesn't make you a smart person, much less a wise person.
You can know a lot, but still be an idiot.


How do you know what your dream is, you ask? It's when you can't stop thinking about it, until you do something. And once you're doing something to reach that dream, you can't stop moving.

What is passion, you ask? It's when you can't stop yourself from working for it. Even when everyone doubts you, mock you. Even when you question yourself. But you can't help to keep working for it.

Conor McGregor's obsession

20 October 2013

20 October 2013
It's true that we can't help the people who won't help themselves. Apparently, it's not true that when you teach someone how to fish, he'll be able to eat fish for the rest of his life.
When he complained that he doesn't have enough fish to eat, you tell him about fishing. Then he'll complain that he doesn't know how to fish.
When you show him how to fish and even give him a manual on it, he'll complain that he doesn't have the bait.
When you show him where and how to get the bait, he'll complain that he doesn't know where to fish.
When you show him the good places to fish, he'll say he's too tired or not good enough at fishing to catch some fish.
So what's left to do is just to push him into the sea.

Cannot be helpedFound this old note of mine, and it still holds true even today.

A friend of mine, doesn't want to live in Indonesia anymore. So I told her to find work in another country. She said she can't really speak English. I told her to learn English then. She said it's too difficult.

Another friend of mine, wants to study in another country. So I said go then. What are you waiting for? She said she doesn't have money.
I said, there's a lot of scholarship. She said she doesn't have any info. I told her to ask around; we have friends who got scholarship in other countries before. She said she's too shy to ask.
I said Google it then. She said too many requirements, too difficult.

Then what's left to do for me is just to push them into the sea.

Just kidding.. I've learnt not to give anymore fucks.

My Antinatalism Anthem

by Imagine Dragons

When the days are cold, and the cards all fold
And the saints we see are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

At the curtain's call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave 
And the masquerade will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Nothing changes until you do

“Let him that would move the world first move himself.” 
- Socrates

Love's red flag

More wise words from Matthew Hussey.
Do not fall in love with a fantasy. 
People can change, but only if they want to.

Matthew Hussey


Remember some time ago I had a question: When two persons you respect are disrespecting each other, do you stop respecting either one?

I finally found a concrete answer, which is a resounding YES.

It might not be too clearly black and white. It might not happen immediately. But you will lose your respect for one of them eventually. I found this answer, unfortunately, through personal experiences. I realised, this tendency to lean towards one side is because of our values. Or more precisely, the conflicting of those values.

What are values? No, not the monetary worth of something. I'm talking about the other kind of values:
The principles or standards of behaviour; one's judgement of what is important in life.

Everyone has values. Positive or negative, everyone has their own view of what they hold as important, that they use as the cornerstone of their lives.

For the positive examples, some people value honesty, or honour. So in everything they do, they will try to be honest, or honourable, even though they might get into trouble (Ned Stark, anyone?).
For the negative examples, it could be materialism, the value that put things as more than human beings.

When you respect someone, I find, it's because you have similar values. If you're an honest person, you'll only respect honest people, whether you realise this or not.
So if the 2 people you respect, are disrespecting each other, most probably there's a contradiction of values there. But as we know from a wise man, contradiction cannot exist in one place, so you'll drop one of them in the end.
“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”
- Francisco d’Anconia

I find this true in love as well.

We might fall in love because of various reasons. But we stay in love when we share the same values. When a couple in a relationship don't share the same values, you'll see that the relationship will fall apart faster than you can say "Francisco d'Anconia".


It's ok to be sad. It's also okay to be angry.

“...anger could be thought of as an intermediate emotion. An event happens, the brain doesn't have time (or doesn't want to) to fully process the situation and it needs a reaction, so anger is what's used until there's more time to examine everything in more detail.”^

“It’s the one that tells us we need to take action to put something right,” she says. “Anger is a problem-solving emotion. It gives us strength and energy, and motivates us to act.”^

“Nobody ever gets into trouble for feeling angry. But people sometimes get into trouble for what they do when they feel angry.”^

If you look back and it makes you smile, 
hold on to it.
If you look back and it makes you angry, 
let go of it.
Why are we trying to save the world?
What has the world done for us, except hates us.
Kenapa kita berusaha menyelamatkan dunia?
Apa yang sudah dunia ini berikan pada kita, selain kebencian.

-Inspired by Harley Quinn and her love for Puddin'

Lessons today

"Being nice is not something to do."

"It's better to be the enemy of a good person,
than to be a friend of a bad one.
Lebih baik menjadi musuh seseorang yang baik, daripada menjadi teman orang yang jahat.

Ms. Temper and Grumpy Cat

Most of our problems come from the inability to say no.

Kebanyakan dari masalah-masalah kita adalah ketidakbisaan untuk mengatakan tidak.


Alexander the Great quote


"The storms come and go, the waves crash overhead, the big fish eat the little fish,
and I keep on paddling."
- Varys, A Clash of Kings

Just Vary's less cute, more epic way of saying 'keep on swimming'.

Nice vs kind

Every once in a while, come along people who inspire you.

Some of them inspire you to be great because they're great. Some people inspire you to be a poet because they're the lowest scum on this earth.

And lately, I'm surrounded by the 2nd type of people. More precisely, the self-proclaimed "nice people".

I can't get over people who self-proclaim they're nice. I have so many bad news for them:
  1. Perhaps you're too dumb to realise that YOU're the one who's been irritating the people around you. Irritating people with your stupidity and self-entitlement.
  2. Your grammar and spelling are so bad, you're irritating ME.
  3. I don't think you really understand what 'nice' means: 

Please don't be proud of being nice.
'Nice' is not a character, 'nice' is a mask you put on to make other people like you.
A lot of nice people are just fake-ass trying to please everyone around them. So don't be proud if people say you're nice. And be ashamed to call yourself nice.

If you want to be better, please be KIND. Being kind is something inherent (if you're too dumb to understand the word, please Google it. If you don't know how to Google it, please go jump into the sea), something that you are, with or without other people looking.

And even then, even when you've managed to be a kind person, please don't go around telling people what a kind person you are.
Because that's just looking for attention. 
Don't be a narcissist.

Wisdom is timeless

"Out in the open wisdom calls aloud, she raises her voice in the public square;
on top of the wall she cries out, at the city gate she makes her speech:
How long will you who are simple love your simple ways? 
 How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

-Keep in mind the Proverb of the wise.

A dot in time

Six years.
People always ask how we can stay together for so long. I don't know. Everything we are say that we won't last. He's a Cancer, I'm a Sagittarius. Water and fire. I'm a Rabbit, he's a Snake. Food and predator. He's a realist, I'm a dreamer. But differences works both ways: Destroying each other, or complementing each other.

Two-thousand one-hundred ninety-two days.
Some say it's a really long time. It's really not compared to eternity. But it's enough time to learn and understand a thing or two.

Well, here's three I learned so far:

Silence is good 

Silence can be useful for many things. Many people find silence awkward, that we have to keep filling it. But you know what? It's ok not to talk to each other. Imagine the moment when you just sit there in his embrace. Not talking about anything, just enjoying the moment.
Silence can save you so many heartaches. When you're fighting, hold your tongue. Don't say mean things. Don't say the thing you'll regret later. And don't talk about it with just anyone. Cos the problem will pass, but other people's memory remains and that memory might just come back and bite you from behind.

Small things matter more 

Someone asked me: What's the most romantic thing your bf ever done to you?
I had difficulties answering it. Not because he's never done anything romantic, but because I have different ideas on what's romantic. And it's difficult to make people understand that.

Romance is not about buying gifts. It's easy to go out there and to buy something. Romance it's not about big earth-shattering gesture. Having a flash mob dancing to my favorite song is not really my thing.

Romance it's about what he does for you, not to you.

It's not when he posts in Facebook -or any social media- how much he loves you. It's when he cleans the room when he doesn't feel like it, just because he knows it'll make you happy. It's not when he vouches he'll die for you. It's when he takes a deep breath and listen when all he wants to do is to scream. It's when he learns to love your bizarre quirks even when they drive him crazy.

Love doesn't fade, it just changes

Most women in bitterness like to say, "He changed." "He doesn't love me anymore." "Because I'm not slim/beautiful/cute anymore."
Well, I have bad news for you for cases like this. Nothing's changed. He just never truly loved you in the first place.

A man who loves you, loves you no matter what. That's what love is. He wants you to be happy. Period. No excuses.
Most importantly, he will always treat you with respect; it's something that will never and shouldn't change. If he doesn't treat you as good anymore, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. It just means he never loved you to begin with.

Love will change, though. At least, that's how it is from my observation. And it's good.
In the early stage, it's all about pounding hearts, sweaty palms, butterfly in your stomach. But as love grows, it's more about steady hands and firm steps. Like a sunshine on a calm day is May. Instead of make your heart beats faster, seeing the person you love will give you peace, no matter what's happened in that day,

There you go, some of the things I learn in 6 years, and still learning.
Nobody knows where the journey ends. But while we're at it, we'll take it in our strides and enjoy the sceneries along the way.

Intro to introverts

"While extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don't have enough to do, introverts have the opposite problem: they get easily distracted and overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation."

15 Things That Introverts Would Never Tell You

White-veiled occasion

Just watched the movie Ceremony (with Lee Pace, ya'll). It's a shitty movie, but I can't get it off my mind. No, not because of Lee Pace (although I can't keep my mind off him too).

And as usual, when I keep thinking about something, I write it down to transfer the thoughts from my mind to the wide world of web. I wanted to insert a spoiler alert here, but there's nothing much to spoil when the movie is as predictable as Michael Bay's next explosion.

The movie is the predictable boy meets girl, girl meets a man, and decides to marry him instead. Then the boy come to the wedding in the hope to change her mind. What's different in this movie is that, the girl stands by her decision.

Her ex-bf asks her, "Why?" Why does she choose a guy who doesn't like what she likes, who doesn't appreciate her passion? She simply answers, "Because he loves me." Long movie story short, it's true that the groom doesn't share her hobbies, but he loves her enough to forgive her pasts and, to certain points, her lies. He might not love her the way the ex-bf loved her, but who's to say he doesn't love her enough?

Not so much of a plot twist, but it's a new lesson.

Sometimes, we care too much about someone that we think we know what's best for them. This is especially true for parents. In my case it's my friends. They might not realize it (which is a good thing) I care/worry too much about them that I like to suggest them the things I think will be good for them.

Now I understand. I can't take care of everybody, and sure as hell shouldn't. Sure, we can make suggestions, but in the end of the day, they are the ones who live their lives. And hopefully, they are mature enough to make their own decisions, and know what's best for them.

But, if you still think that one of your friend or two shouldn't make the decision s/he has made, here's a Taylor Swift's song to get an idea on how to crash a wedding:


You don't know me, cos you only choose to see a version of me. That's why it surprises you too much when you finally discover who I really am. 

A lot of time, we feel betrayed by the people we "trust" and more often than not, our first reaction would be 'I don't know you're that kind of person'. The second reaction, which is not all that rare, would be the more appropriate 'I don't know who you are!

The second reaction is much truer. This is because -most of the time- when we "get to know" someone, we don't actually see the person as who he really is. As a creature with strong imaginations, we see people the way we want to see them. This gets worse we're "in love" with someone (and so much worse when 'we' are girls). The colours of love sure are more bright and saturated. This is why there are a lot of nice people end up with people who don't deserve them.
It's easier to love an imagination...

It's not always a bad thing though, mistaken someone for who he isn't. There scenarios go both ways. There'll be a time when you think someone is not bad person, but she turns out to be a "tragically misunderstood character". When you thought someone is lazy, but really she's just suffering a ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and turns out to work great when she works alone. When you thought someone is weak and timid, and she's really just being polite and has been feeding your ego. And there'd be time when one day she decides she has enough and shows that she's actually strong and independent (and decides to flip you one).

In either case, it's always good to be honest to yourself, don't lie to yourself. As Syrio Forel wisely said, "See with your eyes." Don't see with your judgement or imagination. See things and people for what they really are. And when you've seen, don't be angry or bitter, just accept it and move on. People are not here to make your life miserable (you're not that important), they simply are.