~Audi alteram partem~

You know your part of the story. Now hear the other side.
Cos everyone just want to be heard

To be better than others is not special.
To be more open-minded is favorable.
To have more tolerance than others is rare.
To be objective is wise.
Hang on.. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say XD

"Where is your God?"

And so today was the big reveal. And so, this blog's gonna be long.
Thirty Seconds to Mars has just launched their newest music video for the song 'Hurricane'. Jared has said that it's going to be sexual, but I never imagined it'd be THAT sexual. G-string, check. Handcuff and blindfold, check. Bunny costume, check. Full bondage, check. Drag queen, check. He even taught the fans (the innocents) a brand new word: the Gimp.

Cinematography-wise, it's nicely done and very artistic. The opening scene of the city night with thunders, Shannon riding his bike. Then a knock on the door. Then opened by the mini song 'Escape'. Immediately you have the flight-or-fight reaction. It's better than any horror movies I've seen lately. Then there's a lot of slow-motion moments a la 'A Beautiful Lie'. The sound editing is also nice, with the switching between the silence of the night and everything else that's going on. They should release this in blu-ray.

Personally, I love the video. People might say it's too sexual, too vulgar. But come on, let's not be hypocrites. For those who have experienced sex, we think about it. Some just sometimes, some more often. Sure, there'd be the young ones that might see. However, rather than let them learn through sneaky-sneaky way, I'd rather them to see it out in the open and that way they can just ask questions directly. It's also a lesson for everyone else. For those who do not know and realize that these things are happening all around us. Open your eyes.

Well, you might call me bias. Whatever, I worship Jared Leto. He's brilliant. He's like Leonardo daVinci of 21st century (ok, a bit of exaggeration there), he has this seemingly abstract thinking but but when you look at it, it's a deep one and actually makes sense.
Take the video for example. For many people, the video is what my boyfriend sees as: "Jared Leto half naked and looking for his shirt the whole 13 minutes video." (Yes, the video is 13 minutes long. It's a short movie). But guys, open your eyes.

The sexual issues, technical discussion, and personal rants aside, there's something more to the video. It's what Jared had always asked the Echelon to find. The Argus Apocraphex. From this point on, I'll be talking in terms that only 30StM fans understand. So, everyone else.. apologies..

Watching the video, I kept thinking, 'Do you have to make it so obvious, Jared?'. Even right from the start, the sign was there:
Then there's sacred three: birth, life, death. The keys, attached to red ribbons. Four Tomos and three Shannons - multiple personalities? Religious leaders burning their books of faith. Twins/mirrored image - dualism. Symbols written on walls and roads. Robotic children. Goat-like gimp.
Oh, Terry Richardson --a dead give a way. I don't like that guy, btw.
Everything was done in split second. Smart, Jared. Talking about subliminal messages.

Yeah, alright, we get what you're trying to say. I even looked for the black-and-white checkered floor, but it's not there.
But the next question is, are you with them or are you against them?
I'm waiting for your next videos.. your next codes, Mr. Cubbins.

Deep in the dead darkness.
Long i stood there.
Wondering.. fearing.. doubting..
Dreamings dreams no more elaborate than i dare to dream before.

Early Christmas present

I'll be good for the rest of the year, cos I've got my Christmas gift.

I'll study hard for Econs n BuStrat, cos I've got my prize :D

Cute Christmas angelSoooo... after much complications, struggles, trials and tribulations... I'm going to Vietnam! *jengjeng* Or to be precise, Hanoi. Starting from 18th this month, all the way till 28th. Yep, going to spend Christmas over there ^^

Vietnam airlines
It's the first time I bought an airplane ticket myself.
The first time I bought an airplane ticket online myself.
The first time I buy anything online myself.
The first time I'm going to fly alone.
The first time I'm going to an Indochina country.
(The first time I spend Christmas in a country that doesn't not celebrate Christmas).
Quoting one of my friends fave quote, "Yay, me!"
But hold one, one more -or rather, two- obstacle to tackle first. Exams (>_<) The first one is my weakness, Econs.
But anyway, the subject will come handy in the future. So, gotta love it, understand it, be familiar with it.
Must survive this. WILL survive this. I already got my prize.

The rich and the stupid

The summit of the rich
Was browsing one of my favorite websites the other day and stumble on an article of a meeting between two powerful people of different fields. One is from politics and one is from entertainment. Vladimir and Leonardo. Putin and DiCaprio.

Never even in my wildest dream I ever dreamt that these two guys will come together. Moreover, to talk about... tigers (but, of course they talked about many other things as well). Sounds like a prose by a hyper-imaginative kid on caffeine.

They whole time I was at the article, I just kept thinking the 'summit of the rich', how I wish I was among them. No, it's not the summit of the smart, even though they are. Rich defines is all. Because they rich from hardwork and their own doings, not merely from inheritance *coughparishiltoncough*. It takes a whole lot of brain to get that wealth.

For those of you who don't know Putin.. go grab a history book today! He was twice elected as President of Russia and is the current Prime Minister of the country. He speaks Russian, German, English, and the humble Tatar. He flies bomber jet. He used to work in KGB (Russian CIA). The list goes on, but let's stop here.

And then we have DiCaprio. The gorgeous DiCaprio.. You might only remember him as Romeo or Jack Dawson, but he's not just another pretty face in Hollywood *coughzacefroncough*. He has come a long way from eating Gilbert grape. Recently, he only plays in smart, thought-provoking movies like Blood Diamond, Shutter Island and Inception. He's spending a lot of his time and money for environmental causes.

The summit of the stupid
On the contrast, a few days ago, I attended a summit of the stupid. The story is, there's a bunch of people (to protect the guilty, I shall not name which bunch) that I've been avoiding. Didn't want to go anywhere near them. Things get complicated when "the leader of the pack" becomes my best friend's boyfriend. And she asked me to go out with them. I've been thinking that maybe -just maybe- I'm being prejudice, and that I should give it a chance.

Howeverrr.. as we were waiting for the bus, I found out that they're going cos it was raining and they couldn't play their sport game (again, I better not say which sport). And they started whining about it and throwing curses around.

There's 22,000 children die each day due to poverty, 1.8 million people die last year cos of AIDS. And half of this world is preparing for war. Nobody gives a -beep- about your game. I sure ******* don't.

One of them was even complaining that now that it's raining he can't go out cos he doesn't want to dirty his shoes. Now, this 'one' of those that always have bad grades and by that time, we're waiting for our grades to be announced and we have high suspicions that he'd fail yet another course.
so.. Dude, you're about to get expelled, and you're thinking about shoes. Seriously?

Call me proud, call me bitch, I don't care. At least I'm not one of them. I won't embarrassed myself by being seen with them ever again.
Protège-moi de mes désirs.

Protects me from my desire.

Have you ever love someone so much, you don't want to continue to do so cos it starts to hurt?


Not only does everything in life comes with a price tag, 
they also come with an expiry date.
Have you ever come across a song that brings back certain feelings, the exact feeling like when you heard it so many years ago? Imagine you 17 songs just like that, in a CD! It just happened to me and I overwhelmed with feelings! It's been so long, I've even forgotten half of the songs' titles but here they are, spicing up my life again.

Now, the history of the CD is interesting. When I was in high school in humble Batam island, it's difficult to come across your favorite song. You can only hear them in radio, while radio only plays the hits. So there's a friend of mind who was business-minded, who downloaded songs from the net and sell 17 songs in a CD for Rp. 10,000,- So I bought one from him, with my own chosen songs Why didn't I download them myself? Cos 1) I was bad with internet and 2) Batam was bad with internet. Why didn't I ask my fast-forward brother? Cos he's too busy to do it.
Anyway, here's the list of my chosen songs with bits of comments on some of them, just to share with you (recommended too, if you want to explore old songs).

1. Survivor by Destiny Child
2. The Call by Backstreet Boys
Hmmm just simply reminds me of how my dad always did the same thing and to reminds me to NOT do this kind of thing to anyone.

3. The One by Backstreet Boys
By same boyband, with almost the same title, but the story of the song is totally different from the previous one. This song is very special to me.. inspiring and triggering a fantasy ;)

4. Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne
Ah.. the glory of Avril Lavigne once upon a time. For me, this song isn't about ex-bf, more for 'a certain person' that should be supporting me morally, but "weren't there when I was scared".

5. Summertime of Our Lives by A1
A cheerful song, to cheer you up during the everlasting summer in Asia.

6. Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes
This song is special cos it's the soundtrack of a movie, Coyote Ugly. The movie is not particulary awesome or anything, but it hold a personal sentiment for me.

7. The Real Slim Shady by Eminem
Eminem.. Eminem.. what can I say? Love him, hate him. But you can't deny that he's talented. Or should I say f****ing talented?
8. No More by A1
The media mad a huge fuss about this song, that year (2001, if I remember correctly) cos the video was filmed in Singapore. And you can imagine how fussy the Singaporean media had been..

9. Like a Virgin by Madonna
Never liked Madonna, but song was also triggered by a fuss: In VMA 2003, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera sang it before Madonna turned up and kissed them onstage.

10. Graduation (Friend Forever) by Vitamin C
This is our graduation song T.T we asked where will be when we're 25, and now we're closing in finding the answer..

11. I Love It When We Do by Ronan Keating
12. Ain't That a Kick in the Head by Westlife
13. The Way You Make Me Feel by Ronan Keating.
Lovely song. Hopefully I can make someone feel that way (sounds impossible XD).

14. Life for Rent by DiDo
If you're a tad melancholy and into philosophy, and in for an emo song, listen to the song.

15. Stuck in My Heart by C21
Such a sweet, sweet song. I know the band is kinda lame, just another boyband. But the song sounds so sweetly sincere.

16. Coming Home Now by Boyzone
I don't know why, but this song makes me think of Ireland. Some years ago, I wanted so bad to go to Ireland. Well, I still do, but not as bad.

17. Jangan Ganggu Banci by Project Pop
If you understand Indonesian, this song is HIL-LA-RIOUS. Have a listen. Made my day just to remember the song.

Seems like this one is such a long post *lol* Oh well, just want to share something's that dear to me. Happy exploring!

My horoscope

My horoscope for the day o.O Describing exactly what I'm going through. Every word is exactly as said, none has been edited:

You are able to make everything look easy today, but you're probably stressing a lot more than anyone realizes. These aren't easy times because you can see divergent paths, yet neither option is perfect. Eventually, you will have to stop the analysis process and just make a choice. Remember, it's usually best to choose love over fear.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to Venus

Reading the Guide for Safe Dating for Men, I feel like I have to write something to set few things straight. After all, not all females are air stewardess, florist, or sex therapist. But anyway, this post isn’t that related to that one. So, how many times have you heard guys said that it’s so difficult to please a girl, that girls are so complicated? That’s what I’ve been hearing and buzzing louder in my ears louder lately.

For simplicity's sake, I’ll use 'us' as the representative of girls/females and 'you' as the representative of males. Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, nothing like that goddammed deAngelo, so what I write here by no means ever went through any research. It’s all just based on my observation and my experiences as one of those complicated creatures call the females.
We’re not simple, but we’re not that difficult as well. There's only one rule to keep a girl yours forever: make her the center of your world. Or at least make her think so. Now, the question of ‘how’ that's have different answers for different girl. Hence, that’s why you often hear that girls are difficult to please or to understand. Well, it’s because there's no one-size-fits all tricks to keep us happy. And let me tell you the annoying truth: we don’t know what we want either, most of the time. That’s why no need to ask us what do we want, cos that won’t work.
“A lady never knows what she might need.” Lady Ashley of Australia
But don’t be disheartened just yet. Just by always remembering the fact that we, girls, love that you worship us, you can avoid unnecessary broken plates and broken hearts. Here are a few samples of scenarios that might happen:

If she asks you to read a book, for Ares’ sake, just read it. If you’re not a reader and are too lazy to read, just read the summary somewhere in the internet or ask someone who has read it. Anything. Just make sure that you know what the book is about and know what to say when she talks about the book. If she buys you a book, READ IT. Even though you read one line a day, READ IT. You know what they say, no matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And you also know what they say, “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” (Joan Crawford).

Now, we know girls like to talk. But when your girl says ‘I want to tell you something’, perk your ears. Drop everything you’re holding, look at her. Your life might depend on it.
Another way to show us that you care is by being jealous. That’s right, be jealous of your girl. Some independent girl might tell you that she likes it that you never jealous of her. That it's cool that you trust her so much. Bla bla bla. Let me tell you. If you want to keep her, you better be jealous of her, at least once every full moon. Even werewolves need to be unleashed every once in a while to stay healthy. It’s like jealousy in a relationship. When you never question when she goes out with her bunch of friends, she’d conclude you don’t care. When you don’t question when she goes out with her best male friend.. uh oh..

Oh, there’s another thing I need to clear up. Men like to accuse us of being cruel by making them jealous. It’s not that we deliberately want to hurt you, we just want to see you care. Or simply take revenge cos you’ve been cruel to us by not being jealous.

“The problem with most men is they're assholes. The problem with most women is they put up with those assholes.” - Cher

也许你不会懂, 从你说爱我以后,

Did you check the mail today?
There might be a letter from me to you.
Telling you that I've been missing you.
That I'll walk miles and miles to meet you.
And I have. Only to find that you're not there.

Did you check the mail today?
I've been feeling lonely and all I wanted was to talk to you.
I called and you didn't pick up.
I sent a message and I never know if you received it.
So I sent a mail, but I guess you didn't check the mail box as well.

Now I realized..       You just don't care, you leave me alone like the letter in the box.

Deuteronomy 5:11

King James version: Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.

Simple Singlish: Cannot anyhow say God lah!


Have you heard the news? iPad was released and iPhone 4 is going to be released soon.
So, there's iSync, iTunes, iWork, iWeb, iMac, iPod Touch, iPhone, iPod Shuffle, iPod Nano, back to iPhone. Did I mention iDVD, iMovie, iPhoto, iDisk? And.. oh, iPhone one more time. Then let's not forget the most majestic of them all, the iPad.
[Wait right there, if you expect this to be a review of the technology, there's no such thing here. You'd only find my rants].
There are two things that bother me here, as much as I like Apple and worship Steve Jobs:

First, Apple is known for their creativity of inventing new things and make their customers believe that they need those things. Then, WHY THE HECK CAN'T THEY INVENT A BETTER NAMING FOR THEIR PRODUCTS? It's starting to get on my nerves.

Second, like I said, Apple (or rather, Steve Jobs) is gifted in telling people that it has invented new things/technology and that they'd need those things. But do we really? Let's see in particular for this iPad thing..

First, the use. So it's a hybrid between a PDA and a laptop (or, how I see it, a PDA that stuck mid-way in its evolution to be a laptop). Was it not intended to be an ebook? Then why does it include a virtual keyboard, web browser, is heavy, and not something that's nicely fit our grip, especially in the toilet? Was it intended to replace laptop? If so, why can't it multitask, open Flash, and -although I heard rumors that it can run up to 10 hours- Jobs didn't mention anything about a strong battery life(time)?

Second thing, the price. The prices of iPad range is between US$ 400-850 which approximately S$ 700-1200. So we have a desktop at home, a laptop in the room, a handphone in the bag, an MP3 player in our pocket (a PDA in another pocket, for some people. An additional PSP in the bag, for some other people), do we really need to buy one more gadget that doesn't really have a special purpose in its life or a special place to fit in? This is what I call the conspiracy of consumerism, when the society backed (or brainwashed) by commercial companies to force poor people in that society "work in a job you hate, to buy stuff that you don't need," and finally, "to impress people that you don't like".
Welcome to the universe.

Oh well.. anyway, don't mind me.. The truth is, I'm just jealous that those Apple products are out of my league of budgeting. Now, go buy your futuristic keyboardless laptop.
Not said, not told, not shown.. but doesn't mean it doesn't exist..


Here's a song by Jordan Catalano, written either about the girl he's been liking... or about his car.

I was going nowhere, going nowhere fast.
Drowning in my memories, living in the past.
Everything looks dark till I found her.
She's all that I need now, that's what I said.
Oooh ooh ooh, I call her red.
I call her red.

She's my shelter from the storm.
She's the place to rest my head.
Late at night she keeps me safe and warm.
I call her red.. I call her red.

Do you want conspiracy with that theory?

Remember I told you about all those conspiracy theories the other day? Well, I got it going again lately. Can't help it.. everyday life is boring. Conspiracy theories are fun, help me to escape this boring and dull life i'm living. I found this website that basically talks about Fremasonry/Illuminati symbolism in pop culture. At first, it talks about Lady Gaga being a newbie to Illuminati and now she's currently a vigour campaigner of the club. Of course that's very interesting for me, especially when i found her lyrics are bizarre (I'm into songs lyrics too, btw).

So I keep reading and one thing lead to another, and I stumbled on the same website an article on the website that talk about 2009 VMA and how it is only a huge hidden occult ceremony. The writer of the article can really explain phase by phase why he thinks it is a huge stage hidden occultism. It's all logical.

I was so excited. Then I tried to tell my bf about it. You know how fun it is when you're excited about something, you tell someone, then you both discuss about it. I think it's not guys thing. All I got from my bf was "Why are you reading these things?" with why-are-you-reading-these-things-get-a-life look. I have a friend that also into these things with me, and, when we have the chance, always discuss it for hours. But he's doing his final year project now, so he doesn't really have time now. Ooh..how I miss times like that sometimes..

Anyway, I realize I ramble pointlessly in this post (more pointless than ever). Just want to let you know of the existence of these conspiracy theories (but, of course, it's just for fun). So I guess I'll just end your misery right here.
It's always the 'why' that trigger people.
For the people I love, and who claimed that they love me, and asked why am I such an abhorrent person:
"Cos you don't love me the way I want you to."

One hundred million things

Feel so empty lately. I think it must be a hype or a contagious disease or something cos everyone I know is feeling the same too. Or maybe it's just a natural part of growing up (if it's not quite obvious, I'm being sarcastic).
"Tried to write new poems, cos usually that what I do to get things out of my chest. But all that I can think of is just random sentences that don't quite related to one another. Like a box of all the wrong pieces of puzzle. It's all doesn't make sense.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was so driven. New drive to experience new things, being a new better person.
"I try to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. I know know, this is who I really am inside."
Driven to study, to meet new friends, organize some events, do some volunteering. It's all gone now. It's all feel pointless. Study fees hard to find, what's the point of wasting thousands of dollars? I can't even keep my old friends, let alone fine new ones. Events are just a waste of money and energy. There are many others ready to do or already doing the things need volunteering. I'm just another drop in the ocean, another face you pass in the crowd, another existence wasted.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was happy. I was a part of a group made of smart people, who do things for others, to contribute. I was a part of a dynamic class, people who come to class in time, respect their lecturers, do their homework. Now I am only a part of power-hungry people who don't even know how to change their own diapers. A classmate of people who come an hour late for the class, and roll their eyes and stick their tongues at the lectures, slam the door at the lecturer when she told them they're not allowed to switch tutorial group.
I want to go back to that happy times. Happy.. like Alexander said, only when you look back do you know that was the happiness. There it was, in the past. You're too late.

[Another reason why you shouldn't take things, right here right now, for granted].

Just finished watching a (really) long movie about Hitler [or some call it a really truly miniseries], thanks Mr. Matahari for generously lending me his DVD. Still, I don't understand what's with this guy, why did he hate Jews so much. I never really read anything on him, never really want to. I watched the movie, there's only one emotion that I feel (out of him and on myself): hatred. Why was Hitler so full of hatred? His life was bad, yes, but there are many who had worse (Nelson Mandela, for one) who turned out to be just alright, or even became a messenger of peace.

It's not easy, of course, to understand how these great people think. I read so many books and articles on Alexander the Great, before I finally see a glimpse of what motivates him: his father. Both admiration and hatred for the father. But still, that's just my conclusion. The real thing, who'd ever know..

On another perspective, both Hitler and Alexader made good leaders. People were afraid of them, maybe, but most of them gladly supported them. Why? I heard leadership is about influence. What made both Hitler and Alexander (plus Genghis Khan, Obama, Cleopatra, you name it) so influential? What made them good leaders? Compassion for their followers? I'm not sure for Hitler, and I'm suspicious not for Napoleon as well. Their great visions? Maybe, but how did they convinced their followers? Ah..so many questions of how and why..

What keeps them going is more complicated. Ambition? Glory? Pride? Greed (like one of my friends said)? A yearn for a change? ..Hatred? Alexander fought on in his war in India when he severly wounded. Achilles (even though he's a mere myth) went to Greek even though it meant he won't live long enought to come back home. Cleopatra's willing to be called Caesar's whore just to keep Egypt safe and strong. And, back to Hilter.. even though he's imprisoned, he kept going on.
Oh, well, I guess it's different for each person, what keeps them going on in their little journey called life.

So.. what keeps YOU going? ;)

Those 5Cs..

There is this special term in Singapore to see if a guy is worth marrying or not: does he have 5Cs? It stands for Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium, and membership(s) of Country club [sometimes the package comes with additional C: child(ren)]. Like any other sarcastic joke, noone can tell for sure when or how did the term start. But, to put it simply, it shows you what kind of things that these people values. They think that by having these things (or having the person who have these things), their lives would be easier. But, oh well, who am I to comment on it.. Move on to the next topic..

Singaporeans indeed should start to worry about 5Cs these days, but not the usual ones, but the ones that everybody has a share, no matter from which economy status they come from: the 5 degree celcius, that is. Ok, maybe not exactly 5°C, but you know what I mean. The increase in temperature that's happening lately. This is not an essay, so I won't give you facts and figures or literature references. But you know you can feel it. The temperature is rising.
Weather reports might show projection about the topic, the government might deny it, and experts might living in denial . But can your skin deny it (it's an interesting word, deny is, try to repeat it 7 times in your mind)? Step outside of your house or office, and feel it for yourself.
Then what's the point of my post this time? There's no point, I just want to rant how freaking hot can this place be! Is it really nearing the 2012? I hope August comes soon

Money, money, money..

Soundtrack of the day: Money, Money, Money by Abba

So I had a fight with a CERTAIN SOMEONE (if you know me, it's quite obvious who that someone is. The only person whom I'm willing to, and can, fight with), few days ago. Can't remember whether it's Sunday or Monday night.
It's so ridiculous. Everything was started just because he ask if he's really an extreme person (as in when he believes something). So I said yes, because when he likes something he keeps repeating that something till he bleeds (or you do).
It was because he fought with his current gf and still can't get over his previous one. And it's all because he's too controlling till the point compulsiveness. Hence, he's an extreme person.

From the question, he moved on saying he's feeling angry every time someone is rude or not respectful to someone older. I replied, I don't care if someone is older, if that someone is rude, of course I won't be polite to him.
That's when the argument goes to my dad. I said I don't respect him cos, first of all, he doesn't respect me and second of all, cos he doesn't respect himself. [I said many more other things, but I shouldn't say it here. If you'd like to know, call me].

Long story short, from there he started to accuse me, 'That's your problem, you're one rude person.' And started to list my sins from 10 years ago. That's including my mom's perception (who is not on earth anymore since 6.5 years ago, btw) and my dad's opinion. Including why I wasn't or am not respected by my family: because I was a liar.

Which he concluded by saying, 'Do you know why I didn't transfer you money last month? Because you're being disobedient. I told you so many times to clean up the room, but you just wouldn't. 'I learnt from David D'Angelo [a devil he worships] that you shouldn't be too nice to girls. When she starts to be disobedient, you should punish her. One thing that I learnt from dad is that your weakness is money, everytime I give you less money, you'll be nice to me. So I didn't give you money.'

He can go to hell with that. First, I'm impudent, then I'm a liar, now I'm materialistic. All of the three, I take the most insult in the last one. I answered him, "That's precisely why I don't respect you, and dad. You try to control people. And the more you try to be less like dad, the more you grow up exactly like him."
What I meant was, my dad is also a worshipper of money and power. He'd sold me if that means people will think he's awesome.

I share this because I want people (at least those who's reading this) to know, to learn, to understand the lesson of the story:
Come on, how many thousands of times has it been said? How many times more do you need to hear it? Money can't buy happiness. And you bet that money can't buy family.
The most valuable things in this world, you gotta earn. EARN, not buy [well, sometimes you're given, like love. But, again, you don't -can't- buy]. You want respect? Be respectful, earn it.
You want to be respected? Respect other people first.
And remember, the love of money is the root of all evil^. Remember, not the money itself, but it's THE LOVE of money that is evil. Be careful.


Happy Easter Day!

It's Easter day.. I want to dedicate the greetings especially to:
Novi Triana, Rosiana, Adeline, Selamat, Tomy and Tony,
Inez, Felix, Novi Rusli, Ine, Rachel,
and Alfin.

Hope we don't forget the meaning of Easter. The following song is very sweet, just right to describe our faith and hopefully reminds us always about it:

Here is another version, just as good:

The joy of a child

There's one story in 'Friends' the TV series, where Phoebe and Rachel went jogging together. Rachel later finds out that Phoebe has a weird way of running. And when I say weird, it's WEIRD, with hands all over the place and legs going apart from each other.
When confronted about this, Phoebe says she just run the way she did as a child, careless and free.

Kinda true at some point.
As we grow older, what we care is how people will see us, what people might think, what people might say. But we're missing the point.
For example, when SOME girls are going swimming, what they think about is, which bikini they should wear, what color, what model, are they slim enough, do they push the bikini pad enough, how should they tie their hair. In the end they didn't swim at all, but merely sitting around at the beach or at the side of the pool -to show off their bods, bikini and hair (or maybe that's their purpose from the beginning).

I have a little sister who's only 3 years and a half now. Whenever we say we're going to the beach, she'll jump to the door and ready to go. Sometimes, she doesn't even give a damn if she hasn't wiped her mouth from her lunch spread.
She doesn't jump to the front of the mirror, or to her closet to pick the best swimming suit or beach wear. Because children still stick to the real meaning of things: if we go to the swimming pool, we swim. If we go to the beach, we swim, we play with sand, we get dirty (not that kind of dirty, pervs out there).

So, moral of the story today: don't fret over what people want to say. As long as your conscience is clear, just do whatever you need to do. Don't be fake. And don't lose meaning of things. Do your things because you like to, because you're enjoying yourself. Not because it's the hip/cool/popular thing to do.

Btw, in the end, Rachel follow Phoebe's running style ;)

Tying the knot is suffocating

SotD: Underappreciated by Christina Aguilera.

Actually, I want this title to be the title of the book that I will write in the future. But 'future' is a a faraway place.
So here, I'll give you, few lucky people, a sneak peek to my future book.

When I was younger (well, I'm still young *ahem*), I made a promise to myself that I won't get married. I told that to a few close friends who quickly exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" As usual, secret spreads fast. So soon enough, most of my classmates knew about it (can't help it, I was so popular *cough*). And they all exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" Usually, I would answer, 'why should I?' But they wouldn't take that for an answer. That's how the idea of writing the book come about.

I started to list to myself all the reasons why I don't want to get married. I surprised myself: there are so many reasons. As this is a sneak peek, I'll only tell you one of the reasons (anyway, it'd be too long if I tell you everything and you won't read till the end): I don't believe in marriage.
Come on, who are we kidding? Why do people these days get married? Ask that to Westerners, they'd say, "cos we love each other". What's love? They'll stare at you blankly.
Ask that to Asians, they'd say, "cos we have to, if not, the family line won't go on". Now I'm the one who stare at them blankly.

Marriage should be a commitment. But what a does commitment mean when they can break it by divorce? It's only make the commitment more expensive. And worse when they already have kid(s). They stay together because they have to, not because they want to. It's a thing I hate to do, those must-do things. Well, when the arranged marriages were a trend, the couple had to stay together. But then, they accept it and they learn to love each other. Or at least, they learn to accept each other.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because I keep meeting horrible guys. I have one faboulous boyfriend, one wise god-brother or two, and a couple of great guy friends. But still, I don't believe in marriage. If we can keep our love strong for a lifetime, we don't need a label titled 'marriage' to stick us together.

If you still don't understand the whole thing I'm saying, this reason is described just right by 'Underappreciated', a song by Christina Aguilera (oh Christina.. still my hero). Old song, but in a way reminds me (still) why i don't want to get married.
Oh, the reason is also pictured nicely by the movie '500 Days of Summer', from Summer's perspective.

"Eagles fly alone." -AtG
"Don't talk to PR persons, they are paid to tell you a version of truth."
-Dr. Stephen McIlwaine.

John 4

Always feel so depressed lately. I don't know why. Just feel like I lose the will to live (not like it's something new). Everything's dark, everything's annoying. Everything's wrong. If I have just one wish, I wish I were never born. Let the traces of me be erased from the history of the world.

Oh, wanna talk about something that IS new: Finally, after devil-knows-how-many-weeks since the last time I did, I went to church yesterday (no, Felix, not your kind of church).
The church sucked as usual, the people were fake as usual. But there's something soothing: the sermon is about John 4:1-26. John has always been one of my favorite books in the Bible (yes, even a devil like me do read Bible sometimes). John is always different from Matthew, Mark or Luke in telling about Jesus. And this particular passage, tells about 'Jesus and the Woman of Samaria'.
I've read the passage so many times before, heard it preached in the church so many times before. But never did I realize what it means. It doesn't only show that Jesus have no problem mingling with other races or sinners, or both, but He also have no problem in mingling with women.

Sounds simple?
Not for me. Like I said, for me, it's something very soothing. Jesus isn't sexist. Jesus doesn't think that men are higher than women. Jesus doesn't think that women are lower than men. He practiced what He preached: everyone's equal.
I'm not talking about religion, I'm not talking about God. I'm not the person who has rights to talk about such things. I merely talk about a great historical figure, a brilliant philosopher, who wants us to see what true morality is.
This further reminds me the many things I've believed long time ago and have forgotten now. Somebody out there love you, not matter you want to believe it or not. Even if everyone left, you'll have One Person that will always stay. Treat everyone else the way you want to be treated.


Random lovely quotes about love, from all around. No copyrigh infringement intended, just helping to spread the love.

I don't care about your imperfections that's what makes me adore you.

You had me from the day you smiled.

I don't like missing you. But I love having you to miss.

Let's kiss in the rain… Where the rain is so hard that the only thing we can see is each other.

So what if I think too much or if I over analyze things. So what if I can't eat or sleep… At least you'll know why. You're always on my mind.

He means the world to her and she doesn't even know it.

Sometimes one smile means more then a dozen roses.

I have more feelings for you, than any other girl ever will.

It's all just magic when I think about you. And when I'm not with you, I go crazy.

If a guy really likes you he'll listen to what you have to say and not what he hears from others.

You know you're in love when you see that someone and your heart flutters, your stomach gets butterflies, and the rest of the world disappears

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

It's completely impossible to find a guy who won't ever hurt you, so go for the guy who will
make the pain worthwhile.

Let's set the record straight. No one makes me smile quite like you do
Sometimes, the answer we've been looking for is right around the corner.
Sometimes, we're just delaying to make the turn.
"To become truly great, one has to stand with people.
Not above them."
-Charles de Montesquieu.

A call to arms..

Soundtrack of the day: A Call to Arms by 30 Seconds to Mars

This is a call to arms, gather soldiers
Time to go to war
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

For one, I've finally decided which song from 30 Seconds to Mars is my first favorite. Despite of everything that I've said about their new album, 30 Seconds to Mars is still inspiring for me. I guess that's what it is with good stuffs, you have to savour them first to be able to truly enjoy them ;)

Did you ever believe?
Were you ever a dreamer?
Ever imagine heart open and free?
Did you ever deny? Were you ever a traitor?
Ever in love with your bloodless business?

Yup, inspiring me. In this dull life, in an even duller world. With the dullest people. Don't get me wrong, I have few great friends, the wisest people you'll ever meet. But compare to others that surrounding me, they are so few and so far.

I've always been a depressed girl by nature. But lately, it's all coming back to me. Like reading too much Ecclesiastes. Feel sick of everything. Where's the promise of "your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly"^? It doesn't exist. Just a well-worn dream.

You do this, do that, this, that, this, back again. Like a cassette being played once too often. Thinking those things will make life easier, yourself likable, your dreams one step closer. But nuh-uh. You only one step closer to the end of your life, or the end of the world, or whichever is closer.
And, bad news, things will only get worse the further you go from the time you were born.

Ever want to be free?
Do you even remember?
Want to be God, the Devil like me?
Ever want to just stop? Do you want to surrender?
Or fight for victory?

Good questions. Everyone wants to be free. But few remember.
Look around. No need to be too far. Look at the mirror. Do you feel bitter inside? Lonely? Unloved? Why?
I know few of my friends that have blogs. Most of the content of their blogs are about disappointment, bitterness, anger, hatred. Why?
Because few remember. Of their dreams. Of their purposes in life. Of their motivation. Of the answer of what should they fight for.
But how should we remember, when this life force us to only remember about one thing: MONEY? Gosh, I can go on and on about that.

Darkness falls, but here comes the rain
To wash away the past and the names
Darkness falls, here comes the rain
To end it all, the blood and the game

But everything has an end, right? Based on some beliefs, the world will come to an end. The old will pass, the new comes. Tears, pain, sadness will be wiped away.
Well, bad news again, though, it's only for few chosen ones.

Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold
Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold

Lesson to learn (for myself too): keep fighting. The battle isn't over yet.
If you think you're at the bottom of the pit, take heart, because when you're at the bottom of the pit, there's only one way left to go: UP.

This is a call to arms... brothers and sisters

The most bizarre (and yuck) animals ever

I was entertaining myself the other day by searching for weird-looking animals. You know, something that'd be amusing. Here are what I found. And I thought I've seen everything...

Well, this one isn't so yucky, but it's worth a note. It is actually a kind of whale, but the weird thing about it has an incisor tooth (front tooth) that projects from the left side of the upper jaw. Maybe that's how the inspiration of Unicorn image came about? According to National Geographic, it "is the unicorn of the sea".


Maybe there's nothing really weird about how it looks (yeah, it's ugly, but not enough to make your jaw drops like the next fish), except that it has a "lantern" hanging from its head to draw an innocent un-suspecting food-to-be. But what struck me when I read about this fish is the way it mates.
The guy will bite into the female skin, "and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level" ^."Without any need for most of his organ systems, such as eyes and digestive organs, the male's body degenerates into essentially a pair of sperm-producing testicles. Thus the female essentially becomes a hermaphrodite with up to six or more of these tiny male parasites attached to various parts of her body. Although functionally bisexual, the eggs and sperm come from genetically distinct parents, thus providing vital genetic variability through meiosis and genetic recombination." ^That's like having sex with a corpse!

Well, I find this fish weird cos, obviously, this is the ugliest fish I've ever seen.
In China, they actually cook the fish as delicacy.

Wait, I change my mind. THIS is.
Blobfish live in a very deep ocean (around Australian and Tasmania) where the water pressure can make other fish's ability to swim useless. That's why, this fish adapt by staying as only a blob, so they don't have to waste energy to swim or do anything at all. Because it lack of activity, blobfish don't develop any muscle. Interesting...talking about sloth..

Blood Squirting Lizard
The lizard itself is alright, but it has an awesome defense mechanism. One thing that we can learn from the lizard: stand up for yourself even until the last drop of blood (sampai titik darah penghabisan?).

Chinese giant salamander
Afraid of worms? How about a GIANT worms with fingers?

Japanese jellyfish (?)
I'm not sure if this animal is for real -I didn't find any other source that talk about it, but it sure is interesting to note. Watch the video to experience its weirdness (just jump to the end if you're impatient).

Here are links to more weird animals:
Weirdest sea creatures ever
Strangest animals on earth
Strangest animals
New species
20 weirdest and ugliest looking animals on earth
Strangest endanger species
25 worlds weirdest animals

A spring of love

It's Chinese New Year AND Valentine's Day together this year.

But nothing blissful or lovely about it. On this side of the world, at least.
Even the worst girl got a rose, but not me..
Went back to my  home and the first thing I was asked was "What are you doing home? Why did you come back?"
The second thing I heard was "Must be because she has no date with her boyfriend."

What's wrong with the world today?
Where is the love?

Battle of the sexes

This is a reply for Mr. Matahari's blog about Asian culture that prefer sons to daughters. It's true that MOST Asian family prefer first child to be a boy, especially Chinese. And interestingly, I notice that it's the father who always wants a son.
I just can't accept the reasons Mr. Felix put forward of why baby boy is more welcome in a family. I know there's so much more that those reason. I know, I experience it firsthand to gather up the information.

1. Of course it's about family name. It's not just a name, however, it represents your money and all your vain mortal belongings. There a certain holy rule that says you can only pass on the money you can't take to heaven, to a bloodline that has your name. Ever wonder why some people even named their son his-own-name Jr.? Imagine if you could bring the money to heave..that'd be interesting.
And more than that, it's about pride. When a girl married off to another guy, she has to have that guy's family name (another holy rule to follow), thus, the girl is no longer a part of her own family. True story, my mom said that she's so sad that someday I'd be some other family's belonging. Good job in making me not wanting to get married, mom.

2. Boys require lower maintenance. For girls, as they grow up, you need to supply for make-up, dresses, clothes, khakis, pants, scarves. And all in different colors. Not to mention the pad supply you have to buy monthly. As for boys, monochrome shirts and jeans will usually do. And when they have gfs, daddies would just use the mantra, 'if you're old enough to date girls, you're old enough to get your own money'.
True story, once upon a time when I was still innocent, my dad said, "mmmh..daddy's little girl. This one's gonna spend so much." I didn't understand then, but I completely understand now that I've de-innocenized myself.

3. They think that boys would definitely want more to take care of them. Or at least, have the ability to. That is also based on true story, in which my dad said that he "wouldn't expect too much for Berlin (that's me) to take care of him when he's old".

Welcome to the universe.

The verdict: It depends on the parents, each family is different. Some family are just ****ed-up; they don't know how to be parents thus causing the children feel like their unwanted.

Moral of the story: Don't have children when you still one yourself. Don't have one when you think you're ready. And definitely don't have one when all you want is "that cute little thing" on your arms.

Part poem, part narcissism

Okay, I admit, this post is neither about any significant life lesson or anything brilliant. It just about me.. I mean, I've written so many posts in this blog, not to mention my other blogs.. but do you -the readers- know who am I? At some point, even I forget who I am..

So here it is..
My name is Eva Berlin Fransiskus.

Eva as in the Hebrew 'Eve', which means the giver of life.
But I'm no giver of life, I'm not even sure if I have a life of my own. So how do I give life to others?

Berlin as in Berlin Wall, Berlin.
Maybe that's why I have an expression as stoic as the stones.
Maybe that's why I have walls arond me that keep away strangers,
and keep the people I love trapped.

Fransiskus, as in Franciscus Asisi or Franciscus Xaverius.
But I'm not saint, not even a half.
And it's with s and k, instead of c and c.
Cos I'm an Indonesian and thus the Indonesian spelling.

Moral of the Story: There's so much you can learn just simply from a person's name. We can even know about one's parents and one's background if we dig deep enough.

Free/Masonry (pun intended)

I think I'm crazy. And be assure that many people can testify the validity of the probability.

So here's one of my craziness. Today, I'm going to talk about Freemasonry.
Did I tell you how did I first comprehensively told about the fraternity? Oh, no, I didn't. Well, it was on 14 December 2009.
It was my friend's b'day party, and he booked a chalet for us to have fun and stay overnight. But, of course, as a true anti-socialist, I withdrew from the room instead, with few friends.
That was when, the night grew older and people grew drunk-ier (yes, they were drinking alcohol), one of my closest friends told me about a conspiracy theory: Michael Jackson was killed.

Being a fan of Michael Jackson for so many years, he never failed to follow the news about the King of Pop. He told me what he's read about why some people suggested that MJ was killed, and who was the suspect. That was when we got into Freemasonry.

I've heard about Freemason, of course (and gravely mistakenly associated it with Charles Manson), mostly just because of Dan Brown's Illuminati, and further more, The Lost Symbol. But what I heard on that night was overwhelming, all the conspiracy theory.
I won't elaborate what I heard here, what Freemasonry is, why would they kill MJ, and so on. First, cos it's a long story. A half told information is dangerous. Second, cos it's just a theory, not proven yet as a fact (and probably won't ever be proven).
I just want people to realize, that this ancient Fraternity do exist. They even admit it openly themselves. I just want people to open their eyes, and realize.

Click here for the complete how-why-what of Freemason.

Moral of the story: be aware of everything around you.
Not necessary just about Freemason, but about many things. Question everything, that's what I learn from my Journalism course. Few things are out there accidentally, everything else is out there for a reason, through a long planning.


How do we know when someone truly loves us?

When he doesn't sms during your exam and reply after long after
--cos he wants you to concentrate on your work?
When he doesn't display your picture together in Facebook, because it's not necessary
--people already see you together in person?
When he doesn't upload your picture together, because he wants to keep it private
--only for your eyes and his?
When he tells noone about your relationship because he thinks people would see themselves
--you are together, that's the fact?
When he let go off your hand around his friends cos he wants to show you respect
--to show that he's not always all over you?

The things that I don't understand...

I've learnt..

"It's always easier to go down than to go up."

"Smart people.. they think they know everything. While the truth is, 'everything' is just too much. Even for them."
- inspired by Ronald K.

It's interesting to board the early morning bus, during the twilight hour. You'd meet two kinds of people..

One is the clubbers.
Just got back from from enjoying their secular happiness. You'd find them reek of alcohol, acting and dressing like they're the queens and kings of the world. No one is better than them, and who cares about tomorrow, tomorrow will soon be yesterday. Fade and forgotten.

The second kind, however, is the ones who start their day early.
Early birds get the worms, they say. The second kind is mostly made up of the older generation. Those who know, and have learnt, that 'tomorrow' must be prepared and that 'yesterday' will become the pages of your history, of which people would read to see who you are.

The question is, since I was among them, which kind am I belong to?
Somewhere in between..

Happy new year, everyone.