~Audi alteram partem~

You know your part of the story. Now hear the other side.
Cos everyone just want to be heard

A new blessing!

Today, my new baby sister is born. And when I said 'baby', I really mean it [take a look at the pictures!], she has just born. My and my father waited in the hospital for hours. At first, I wanted to go to the labour room, you know, to watch the process. But the doctor won't let me [rrgghh!], I didn't know why..
New born Celine taking a shower
New born Celine taking a shower.
New born Celine taking in towelNew born Celine taking in towel
Picture 1 ~ Picture 2 ~ Picture 3
It's been only 6 days, and my Nokia 6280 has already broken :DWell, I was moving some files from the memory card to phone memory last night, then suddenly it went off. I tried to turn it on, but it just won't. It was on for a while, blink-blink, then went off again -I haven't even dropped it! *lol* And because today is Sunday, I have to wait until tomorrow to bring it to Nokia centre. Thank God I still have my N-Gage with me.
Well, another lesson learnt. The old one who still stand by you until today is the most loyal one, and is irreplaceable by no one else. Oh I love you, N-Gage [My N-Gage have 'fallen' because of me, many, many times :p].

Happy birthday to me...!

My wish for this birthday
and all I wanted for Christmas
is going to college.......... and a laptop! *lol*

It's December, and it's my birthday!

...and it will soon Christmas!

It's my birthday.... and the best one just yet.
Well, it's the same as last year, no mom, no cake, no brother.. But everybody remembers! When I woke up in the morning, I got like, 10 smses. Cool.
Then, the better thing is... when it 12.30 odd am [last night, you can say], I got out from my room and there was my father in the living room. And he said, "hey, it's 12am...happy birthday", he hugged me. I said, "thanks..". Then he said, "I love you...". I was speechless and was close to tears...
And the best thing... I got presents...
From my stepmom, a necklace. I was kinda surprise she gives me a present. I mean, if she knows it's my birthday, that could be because my dad told her. But if she bought me a present, that means she has prepared it..From my dad...a Nokia 6280! Well, at first, my reaction was "a cellphone...ok". But then, I fall so in love with it. It has camera, we can put themes on it, and what I love the most.. is the shape. It's just so cool! I've been wanting to buy a cellphone for so long, but I just couldn't pick the suitable one. Maybe God think "oh come on, pick one quick. Not yet? Ok, here, I'll just give you one" :-D
It's December.... ooh I LOVE December.What's not to love about it? It's rainy season [winter, in some parts of the world], it's going to be Christmas, it's holiday season. And Christina Aguilera said "..everybody's home for Christmas..". Well, not quite EVERYBODY, but at least it's TIME for everybody to come home. And that's exactly what going to happen, all my best friends are going back to our city. There will be sooo much fun. We've been emailing each other, saying: I'm so excited.. I can't wait... I've made a list of what we can do when I'm there..
Talking about my best friends... It's so funny when I think about it, there are four of us, and we are best friends to each other [so doesn't matter if it's only any of the two of us who get together, we'll still enjoy ourselves] and our birthdays are also close to each other [28th&30th Nov, 4th&5th Dec]. So each time, we'll give presents to each other, it's feels like we celebrating Christmas too early *lol*.
Stumble on this "article" on one of the chain emails I got. It has some interesting points and facts that I feel I should share with other. Please don't take it too seriously. Kindly have some sense of humor.

Hell, Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time, there was the world, and it was good.
Then people got all pissed off about everything, and there was violence and sin, and that was bad. Then people decided they needed a device to stop people from doing so much violence and sin, and there was Hell, and it was good.
 Hell is the ultimate deterrent — an eternity of pain and suffering. You can't come up with a much more brutal retribution than that. The only catch is that the deterrent only works when people a) believe in it, and b) fear it so much that they lay off the violence and sin.
There are a number of problems selling Hell to the public at large. For one thing, eternity is a difficult concept to get your head around. For another, everyone has a different idea about how the cosmos works morally. For Hell to succeed, it has to be horrific beyond belief, and ideally it needs to be drilled into the heads of children at a very early age, so that the fear will stick even after the intellect has grown past the concept.
The earliest concepts of Hell were less punitive than nihilistic. Early humans had to come to terms with the concept of death, and a number of ideas were developed along these lines. The most optimistic viewpoint was reincarnation, present in many cultures around the world, but the ancient Jews were not the most optimistic lot, so they added a layer of unpleasantness to the Great Wheel of Life. Before being reincarnated, they believed, the soul made a pit stop in Sheol, a depressing underground place where every day is Monday, and it always looks like it's just about to rain but it never quite does. No eternal pit of fire, but the good times are definitely over. Some Jewish sects believed that reincarnation came after a spell in Sheol, others just kind of left souls there to rot (or whatever souls do).
Other early religions had various concepts of a bad place where dead people hang out. The ancient Hindus believed in Hell before switching over to reincarnation. Egyptians believed in an underworld, where souls traveled through trials before returning to their bodies. The Romans and Greeks shared a version of Hell called Hades, which heavily influenced later renditions. But the Judeo-Christian Hell was the one that really stuck.
The Jewish Sheol eventually evolved into Gehenna, which roughly equates to purgatory — a place where souls are punished or cleansed of their sins — but the concept was never "proven" as an established teaching, leaving the matter of an afterlife largely to individual believers. The coming of the Christians changed all that.
 When Jesus Christ arrived on the scene, a new set of contradictions arose. On the one hand, Jesus taught of God as a loving father figure, in sharp contrast to the vengeful God of the Old Testament. But love and hate are a double-edged sword. Although the Christian God had a whole lotta love on hand for believers, sinners were condemned to the fiery pit. As the Christian church became more complicated, so too did the vision of Hell.
 By the middle ages, Hell was a rather well-defined place. The ultimate map of Hell was drafted by Dante in his epic poem Inferno, part of his inappropriately named "Divine Comedy".
Dante famously divided Hell into nine concentric circles of increasing nastiness, behind a gate with the logo:
 "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here"
 "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here"

Circle One: Almost every student struggling through a Catholic school education inevitably arrives at the theological question: What happens to innocent people who are not baptized through no fault of their own? The Church invented "limbo" for this concept; Dante made it the first circle of Hell, a sort of Hell Lite. The first circle of Hell offers a kinder, gentler repose for noble pagans born before Christ and other generally cool historical figures who happen not to be Christians, such as Homer, Ovid, Socrates and presumably figures like Ghandi and maybe Malcolm X. Captives in the First Circle of Hell were subjected mostly to the ravages of generalized anxiety disorder without the benefit of Paxil but with all the side effects (nausea, asthenia, constipation, infection, dry mouth, yawn, diarrhea, sweating, decreased appetite, sleepiness, dizziness, insomnia, tremor, nervousness, and sexual side effects).

Circle Two: Lust! As the most understandable of the major sins, lust only makes circle two of Hell, where lustful lovers are tossed about by stormy winds and forbidden from making wild monkey love. It's unclear whether they're allowed to jerk off. Home to Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, the Marquis de Sade and eventually Larry Flynt.

Circle Three: Gluttons live here, and are punished for their gluttony by being subjected to bad weather. Seasonal affective disorder is a bitch! There's also a big dog. Captives include Chris Farley and Divine.

Circle Four: You don't hear a lot about avarice these days, but the medieval mindset classified it as a major sin. The greedy are condemned here to working for the man every night and day, doing pointless and menial tasks. Future residents include Bill Gates and Martha Stewart.

Circle Five: The angry spend eternity duking it out here, naked in a vast river of jello (or possibly water, my Italian is a bit rusty). Look for Sean Penn, Dick Cheney and Jerry Falwell.

Circle Six: This circle of Hell is filled with "heretics," by which Dante mostly means Muslims (though to be fair, Hell has several Popes in residence as well). This circle would technically also include figures like Aleister Crowley, Jack Parsons, Martin Luther and Rael. Rumor has it John Ashcroft is planning random sweeps through the Sixth Circle in search of Terrorists. Everyone in the Sixth Circle is just an ordinary guy, BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE.

fashion violenceCircle Seven: Ah, violence! You gotta love violence! Dante classified three kinds of violence — against self, against others and against God. Inhabitants spotted by Dante included Attila the Hun and Alexander the Great. Since this category includes warmongers, George W Bush is a potential future inmate. Dante's definition of "violence against God" inexplicably includes sodomy, which he classes as a more serious crime than murder, so the Seventh Circle could potentially host Robert Mapplethorpe and Oscar Wilde, who would be flayed on burning sands, while Adolf Hitler would merely be turned into a tree for the crime of Suicide. There is no justice.

Circle Eight: If the Seventh Circle offended your sensibilities, the Eighth is simply baffling. In the next worst circle of Hell, the sufferings of the damned would be inflicted on those who have committed the following sins (all of which are deemed more evil than murder and warmongering). In order of increasing severity: Pandering, flattery, hypocrisy, fortune telling, theft, giving bad advice, instigating trouble, alchemy, impersonation, counterfeiting, lying, and being a giant.
Circle Nine: The Ninth Circle is for betrayers of every stripe, with all the big names in betraying thoroughly represented. Judas, Brutus, Cassius, Benedict Arnold, John Wayne Bobbit, Big Pussy from the Sopranos, Cain, Lando Calrissian, Jim Bakker, Richard M. Nixon, the Rosenbergs, Randy Savage, and finally, frozen in hell's center, Satan himself. Judas, Cassius and Brutus are actually being eternally chewed by Satan, who has an intense dislike for Shakespearean characters.

Do you know...?

You can only tear the Nescafe packaging on one side?
I've just received a call. I have to come to Batam TV station tomorrow evening to have some kind of acting class, and then do some ads so people will vote for me! [like "here's my number, sms 'BTI space EvaBerlin to...' "] *lol* Well, wish me luck!!

pmI'm back from the audition tonight -again. But this time, I just went there to accompany Rosiana. She passed too! So we both will go to Batam TV station tomorrow at 3 p.m. Rosiana did very great. Well, at first, she was nervous, so her expressions weren't obvious. One of the judges asked her to do a 'scene' where she got rape then found out that she was pregnant. This time her acting is marvelous, she even cry a real one and saying things like "I have to kill myself, I'm going to kill myself".

I'm so drown with jealousy, you know. No, not because Rosiana has passed the audition [I'm so happy for her!]. But because tonight when I was watching the other participants... when they passed and they got off from the stage, their family or friends [or both] will congratulate them, and laughing, and everything. One of the participant said that she came there without any support from her parents, because her parents think the whole artist-thing is absurb. But, she was there with 4 or 5 friends. When the judges said she passed, her friends were cheering like crazy. Even Rosiana has someone to share the joy. Her mother wasn't there when she did the audition. But by the time the audition over, her mother pick her up, and Rosiana was describing the whole audition with enthusiasm.

Anyway, all I have to worry now is tomorrow's shooting though [ehm, sounds so cool, 'shooting']. So I'd better get some sleep now... Good night!


One of the happiest days of my life...

Gues what! I took part in audition of BTI [Bintang Tionghua Indonesia (Indonesia Chinese Star --sound weird in English *lol*) that is], and... I passed! Well, only to the semifinal, but that is sooo good already.
There were 4 judges in the audition; 2 men and 2 women. They asked us [the participants] to do expression of gladness, anger, sadness, and happiness. Yeah, at first I was confused too, what's the different between gladness and happiness. Then I understood -watching the other participants before me- that gladness is like when you smiling at something funny, but happiness is like when you win 1-million-dollars lottery. So I did the expressions, to my surprise, the judges said my 'sadness' was not obvious. I thought the only expression I'm good at is sadness. So one of the judges wanted me to act out some kind of scene: where my mother had already died, and I cried "please don't leave me...!" Oh yeah, that is so oh-what-a-coincidence. My mom HAD already died [but of course I didn't tell the judges that or otherwise they would've changed the 'scene']. And do you realize what the weirdest thing is? That is exactly what I said when my mother passed away: Mom, please don't leave me...!

Anyway, so I started to act... and I started to cry -real one. My voice became shaky and there were tears.. The judges were
so impressed *lol*. But judge number one said "It's easy to shed tears in acting, but I can see your face still smiling". I was like "...what?!" Well, it's good though. It's all good. Haha..so I'm going to the semifinal on 19th. Oh, before that, my best mate Rosiana will have the audition on 15th. So I have to come to give her some support.

You know, what makes me happy passing this audition is not that I believe I will [or hoping to] get the part [read: becoming an actress], not at all, I know I'm sooo far from that. But passing this become some kind of...self proving. That "hey, I can act too". That finally at the very least, there's something I can do that some people appreciate. Besides, I took part for the experience, and I know I'll get so much from this.
Ugh, and you know what, the female judges said I'm beautiful [thank you!]. And Rosiana said she can't believe that I can did that, confidently. All she knew was the geeky shy Eva Berlin. Well people I'm overdue, give me some room, I'm coming through.

*lol* I'm glad I'm so much better than me years ago. I really have to thank my God, Jesus Christ. Selamat -my other best mate- was right, I really have to turn to God in everything :-)
It's my IELTS test today. As you all know, there are 4 parts in IELTS test: listening, reading, writing, and speaking. The first three were on 4th, today was speaking. I had no problem in listening and reading. But then in writing...the time is so not enough. So my grammar was like...sucks. They only gave us an hour, and the questions were "describe the graphs below" and "what do you think the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare?" I don't even understand what on earth 'private healthcare' is [can someone tell me, please..?] I spent 40 minutes for the firstquestion alone, so when I got to question number two I thought whatever, I'll just write down whatever comes to my mind.
That is not the worst just yet. In speaking, I was asked many questions which I don't even know the answers in Indonesian [my mother language]. I'm talking about questions like:
"How do you think fashion has affect our world today?"
"Is it more important for teenager or older people to follow fashion?"
"Describe the clothes you bought recently, where did you bought it, and why do you bought it." I was thinking "Well, I did NOT buy any clothes LATELY". I end up talking crap about the dress I bought for my dad's wedding..
I'm so anxious waiting for the result. It would be so embarrasing if I fail the test, I'll be mocked to death if not for the rest of my life. Oh dear Lord Jesus Christ, please please please let me pass the test....

Films I've watched in my life...

I think it would be fun to note down films I've watched in my life.
It turns out to be very surprising how many movies I've watched over the years. Here's the list. I put links [for trailer] to the films that I reccomend and films which I think inconspicuous to many.
A Smile Like Yours
Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls
America's Sweethearts
Anna and the King
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Back to the Future
Batman Forever
The Beach
Black Knight
Brokeback Mountain
Bruce Almighty
Butterfly Effect, The

Catch Me If You Can
Charlie's Angel
Chronicles of Narnia -
The Lion, The Witch, and The WardrobeCleopatra [starring Leonor Varela]Click
Confession of A Teenage Drama Queen

Date Movie
DaVinci Code, The
Death Becomes Her
Die Hard
Die Hard: With A Vengeance
Dude, Where's My Car?

Ella Enchanted
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Eye of the Beholder
Eyes Wide Shut

, The
Fight Club
Flinstones, The
The Fog
Forrest Gump
Girl Next Door, The
Glass House, The

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hell Boy
Home Alone
How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days

I Know What You Did Last Summer
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Independence Day

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!
Jerry Maguire
Joe Dirt
Jurrasic Park

Karate Kid, The

Lake House
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The
Look Who's Talking
Lords of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Lords of the Rings: The Two TowersLords of the Rings: The Return of the King

Man In the Iron Mask, The
Marvin's Room
Mary Higgins Clark: All Around the Town
Matrix, The

Matrix Reloaded

Matrix Revolution
Mean Girls
Meet Joe Black
Men In Black I & II
Mexican, The
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
Mission Impossible I & II
Moulin Rouge
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Mummy, The
Mummy Returns, The
My Best Friend's Wedding
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

New York Minutes
Notebook, The

Ocean's Eleven
Once Upon A Time In China

Panic Room
Passion of the Christ, The
The Patriot
Pearl Harbour
Phantom of the Opera, The
Pirates of the Carribean - Cursed of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest
Primal Fear
Princess Diaries, The 1 & 2

Reach the Rock
Recruit, The
Ring, The
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Romeo + Juliet

Saw I & Saw II
Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, 4.
Scent of A Woman
Scooby Doo
Scream 1, 2, 3
See No Evil, Hear No Evil
Seven Years In Tibet
Shanghai Noon
Shanghai Knight

Shark Tale
Shrek I & II
Silent Hill
Sixth Sense
Sleeping With the Enemy
Sleepy Hollow
Sound of Music, The
Spiderman I & II
Spy Kid
Steal [aka Riders]
Stepford Wives, The
Striking Poses
Sweetest Thing, The

Taxi 3
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Quick and the Dead
There's Something About Mary
Truman Show, The

Van Helsing
Vannila Sky
War of the Worlds, The
Wicker Park
Winning London

X2: X-Men United
X-Men: The Last Stand

I'm soo broken hearted...

Would you date this girl? Oh I know you just would...

HOT, isn't she?
But, sorry guys, she's taken.. by Kian Egan of Westlife *sob-sob*. Her name is Jodi Albert, she's an Irish actress, acted on Hollyoaks. Notice how he held her hand in this interview *sob harder*:


I just love this music video; the effect is awesome, Jared's voice is fantastic, not to mention the song itself is powerful! But one thing that bothers me from the start: Is that Jared kissing the girl @ 1:51?

The world of tomorrow

This morning I dreamt about a place, a hospital. When I went in there are a lot of doctors and nurses [or I thought so, because they're wearing white robes], and there are also pregnant women everywhere. But the scary thing is, when I went to look at their babies, the babies are imperfect, disabled. Then someone told me that this is the organs bank. So the women here was forced to have babies, then they just use the babies to get the organs they want. Scary.

Is it the world of tomorrow or is it already happening?

Lessons I've learnt lately --and STILL AM learning

God loves you. No matter you believe it or not.
And by the way, God exist, no matter you believe it or not [but you'd better believe it though] -030906

I've learnt that if you want have a good relationship with people around you [and with yourself], you have to start with your relationship with God. -120706

We should do some crazy things before we grow too old to do that -200706

I've learnt that tomorrow is not alway better than today. So I learn to appreciate today.
I've learnt that tomorrow will only be better if you already work on it. -120706

The way you look at people is very important, very affecting. -190306

If you don't want to get hurt, don't put your trust to anyone, no matter how convincing he/she is. But if you really love someone, you wouldn't mind to get hurt -030906

And finally, after so long, I've learnt what true love is.
True love is when you're being forsaken, you still love him. Even when he save the other person first, not you, from drowning, you still love him. -130706

Loving is giving happiness, not asking for it.
Loving is, "I want you to be happy, no matter what it means" -130706

And now I know what being loved truly is. Being loved is being not taken for granted. -090306

Truth is hurts [sometimes], but lies hurt even more -270906

In the end, everybody will grow old, grey and ugly. And what left is, what experiences you have to share with your children and grandchildren?
So I don't mind my skin become darker if I could just learn swimming :)) -190906

Don't be ashamed by what other people have done to you. Be ashamed by something you've done to other people -290906

Great things did not happen overnight -151006

Lessons I've learnt lately....the sequel

Lessons I've learned from my bro..
My bro is gonna kill me if he read this. But I think he's "...too busy" to do so. Even if he has the time, I don't think he cares enough to read MY blog.
Like I said: Truth is horrible sometimes. I am sorry, I'm just the messenger. And, we do need to hear the truth sometimes.

1.Don't pretend you're happy with someone's presence when you're not.
YOur little reactions will give you away. Like when you're get so excited when that someone is about to leave --THAT will give you away. 071006

2. How hurtful lies can be --but sometimes it is necessary [and okay] to do it.

3. Love relationship is such a waste of time in young age, except you love to rub and being rubbed --*sick face* rrrgh you know what I mean.

4. Buying expensive things and/or many things for someone does not necessary mean that you love that person. 151006
What I mean is, when you love someone and intend to show him/her that you love him/her, there are millions things you can do other than buying them things.

5. Don't give when you're not asked to or when you don't feel like giving.
Because if you do, by the time that person ask something -he/she really needs- from you, you'd think you've given too much, then you'll get angry. 071006

6. It is true that this world is not fair, and we have to get used to it. But that does not give us the rights to do unfair things to other people.

7. Just because you/I don't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Soundtrack of the day: Where'd you go by Fort Minor

All about the HiLton

Today, I'm going to talk about PARIS HILTON. Yeap, spell that right: H-I-L-T-O-N

I was thinking about the old saying: Smart people make use of the circumstances they're in, wise people create the circumstances they want. Then an advertisement of Paris Hilton's single's turn up in front of my eyes, so I thought, "This girl must be a wise person, because when no recording company offer her a singing career when she wanted to sing, she built up her own recording company."

Okay now, you guys know I'm just kidding. Paris Hilton = brain; doesn't seem match for me.
The other day I was watching The Simple Life where in the end of the program, there's Paris trying to make coffee. She put the ground coffee [not instant coffee] in the glass and soaked in cold water, she took a sip, and with weird face she shouted to Nicole: "it tastes awful. Nicole..! Do you know how to make coffee..?"
Paris' fans say that the people who say bad things about her is just jealous of her. Yeah, I must admit that I am jealous of her. For her wealth..yeah [*roll eyes* who doesn't anyway?], but for not being able to do something like making coffee..? Like, never taste the coffee you made yourself?? *cross finger* Please God, don't let that ever happen to me...

Well, love Paris-H or hate Paris-H, what is this world gonna do without PARIS HILTON...

>>For more, well, whatever about Paris Hilton, click here<<
>>Paris' beauty [what?!]<<

There is no God? --Evolution my foot

Last night I was surfing youtube.com when I came across this video --a video trying to prove that God does not exist. Without doubt, there are a lot of comments on this video. Comments from people who support that 'there is no God' and people who opposing the idea. And of course, I don't want to be left out, so I left a comment which says: "hm...If God doesnt exist, then WHO created us?". And some guy answer: "evaberlin, you need to learn more about evolution". I almost laugh to dead reading that answer. No offence, I was just thinking, even IF the evolution ever did happen, then who the hell in this universe created the "first-ever" particle/substance/atom/whatever?

This whole God-does-not-exist thing reminds me a debate which took place in my class when I was in my last year in Senior High School. We were talking about evolution in the Biology class. Then me and my friends [8 people out of 40 in that class] were thinking "this isn't right", so we declared: we are disagree. Instantly, the class were divided into two sides, those who support evolution and those who do not. 8 against 32 [when the teacher ask who will be on 'no-evolution' side, nobody moves a hair].So the long debate was begun. There were debate from science side and religion side. I’ll just tell you the talk over religion side [because if I tell you the science side, I’ll able to write a novel].

So, let’s put it this way, there is NO God. The universe was blank [Imagine a dark empty room] No air, no light, no gasses, nothing. Suddenly, out of nowhere *puff* some certain of gas was pop out. Nobody made it, it self made [hey, there was NO God] that means it’s great, so the gas started multiply itself to oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen, e t c.
So after I don’t know how many million years, the gasses have become solid and created something called rocks, which have become planets. And one planet -somehow- became so hot it burns. Other -somehow- have ring. Other -somehow- became red. Others -somehow- reflect the light from that burning planet. And one...-somehow- became so cool, that it makes it possible for living things to live in it [later, when we already evolute to intellegent animals, we called it earth]. But it was too cold, so somehow, the earth reduced its temperature [*yawn* oh let’s just fast forward it].

Through many trials and tribulations, the earth's climate was then perfect. So those great gasses fused together resulting something alive --*drum roll* the ancestor of everything. It breathed, it ate, then somehow it grew to something bigger. Some of these things lived in the water, some lived on the land. Some become fish which later will become flying animal [or birds, if you want to call it]. Then, some became the ancestor of monkeys and human. What bothers me a lot is, if that ancestor can evolute to monkeys AND human, why not the ancestor of horse evolute to horse AND human-horse who -like human- could've been able to build cities, learn math, then together with us arguing about evolution and God? Oh no, wait, is that why there's something called centaur...?

Well, anyway, that’s it. So, “evolution” makes sense? ... *laugh to dead*

::My metamorphosis::

I have just updated my friendster. Just to obliquely let everybody knows: I have metamorphosed from a caterpillar who was living in the darkness of a cocoon, feeling depressed and lonely, into a happy butterfly –a happy beautiful butterfly.
I know there are some who people find it ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or
And some people who think I AM ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or
But as the saying goes “Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a
thing”, so I’ll just fly away, enjoying my new wings and freedom, and leave them alone in their cocoon.

[-But one thing they should know: careful, I'm still sexy, naughty, and noxious-]

~*How does one become a butterfly?
You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar*~

Ballad of a b*st*rd??

Rainy dayThis story just come to me when I was reminiscing on my bed last night.

One day, a boy and a girl who's dating each other hang out with their friends. While their on their way to a mall, the rain starts to fall. They all immediately run to the nearest place to take shelter. While they're waiting for the rain to stop, the boyfriend notice that his girl's best friend is feeling cold. He remembers that he brings a jacket that he isn't wearing, so he ask her whether she wants to wear it. My question is, is it wrong if the boy ask the other girl instead of his girlfriend? And what should the girlfriend do then?

Please leave comment. I really really want to know what do you think of that story, so please say something -anything, ok?
Thank you!


How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
       'N by the time I could talk, I was ordered to listen...
            It's always been the same, same old story.
"You'll never get away, you know...
                                                ...it's called family"

About * L O V E *

about love Bila suatu hari pasangan Anda meminta Anda melakukan atraksi sirkus: berjalan diatas seutas tali yang terbentang di ketinggian 3 meter, sekadar untuk menyenangkan hatinya, akankah anda melakukannya? Anda tahu itu akan menjadi tindakan yang sangat bodoh, bila anda benar-benar melakukannya. 

Sekadar untuk menyenangkan hatinya? Bagaimana bila aku jatuh dan patah tulang?” Anda juga tahu, bila pasangan Anda benar-benar mencintai Anda, ia tidak akan meminta Anda melakukan hal konyol seperti itu. Tetapi pertanyaannya adalah, akankah Anda melakukannya untuk dia –-dia, yang Anda cintai?

Mencintai adalah sebuah pilihan. Mencintai bukanlah menginginkan, apalagi meminta kebahagiaan. Sebaliknya, mencintai adalah memberikan kebahagiaan pada orang yang anda cintai. Cinta itu harus tetap ada, bahkan ketika orang yang kita cintai tidak (lagi) mencintai kita. Mencintai bukanlah sekadar “aku akan tetap mencintaimu walaupun kamu pergi.”
Tetapi, “aku akan tetap mencintaimu walaupun kamu menyelamatkan dia terlebih dahulu, ketika dia dan aku akan tenggelam.”
Mereka bilang, cinta butuh pengorbanan. Tidak. Bila Anda benar-benar mencintai, Anda tidak akan merasa sedang berkorban.
Kita harus mulai merevisi ulang makna cinta dalam kamus hidup kita. Akan menjadi pekerjaan yang sulit, memang, karena sudah entah berapa lama makna ‘cinta’ itu disalah-artikan.

From both sides~

I saw her today
It's been a long time
Feel like centuries

She seems alright
He look just like he used to

We talked for a while
I can't take my eyes off him

She kept looking at me, don't know why
He didn't want to look at me, don't know why

She asked, "how are you?"
He asked, "do you have a boyfriend?"

I told her about my new girlfriend
I said no...

I pretended that I care
I pretended that I don't care

She look different from she used to
He looked more attractive that he was

She said, "ok then, see you around"
He said, "goodbye.."

Then I went to play basketball
Then I went home and cry

Keepers of faith..

Jared Leto quote
Are you a believer?

Starving no more...

Phoenix Studio BatamLike any other teenagers, I've been struggling with my weight.
Hollywood and runway have spread a disease called
flat-abs-obsession syndrome.
Which make every single teenagers --girls AND boys-- and even mid-ages worship anyone who has that 'body to die for'.
That's right...TO DIE FOR.
Ever heard of anorexia
[which now already developed to pregnorexia] and bulimia?
Because of 'that body', many people have starved themselves.
And that's exactly what I did.
I starved myself, cursing me when I eat rice a grain too much.

Until some times ago, I'm having a terrible stomachache.
It's like something wild moving in my stomach,
torturing me, and making me feel like I wanna throw up.
Well, I did once.
And the strange thing is, it's only happened in the evening.
After a week of misery, I realize --my body has react differently to respon my HUNGER.

That's when I knew THIS GOT TO STOP
Now, I learn to love the body I'm in.
I eat everything I want to eat: ice cram, cookies, pizza --everything.
Not too much that I want to throw up, though
[hey, I said, I LOVE MY BODY]
I move my body more, too.
Instead of watching movie-stars and models showing their starving bodies in the telly,

I clean my house whenever I don't have anything to do.

It's a great excersize, and also making my home a more comfortable place to live.

And the result to my body? Not bad.. [see image, hehe...]

Next time anyone commented you're fat/ugly/anything bad,
ask them when is their birthday... so that you can buy them a mirror.
Soundtrack: Ugly by Sugababes


I think I'm in love.
But I don't know whether it is love.

This kind of feeling can be very deceiving.
There are times when I'm missing him so much.
Remembering our silent conversation.
Remembering the things that we've shared to each other.
Dreams, fear, worry, laugh, anger. Everything.

There are times when I hate him so much.
For coming to my life... then dissappear
                without a trace.
For giving me so much joy... then take it away
                like I don't deserve it.
For teaching me to believe in love... then denying it himself.

There are times, I really want him to know:
You mean so much for me.
You know I'd give everything for you
                but you also know that I don't have everthing.
If you want me to stay, I will do just that.
If you want me to go away, because you happier that way
                                                ...I will do just that.

are times I hate myself.
Because I never had the courage to tell him everything I want him to know.

Soundtrack: That's Where You Find Love by Westlife

The mermaid's day

"Ariel pull the prince out of the sea, out of danger, to the beach nearby.
She looks at him, can't believe what she feels when she's looking at this magical being. Something she's never felt for someone she's never met --a creature she's never saw.
A feeling that pulls her heart and her hand to touch this beautiful face.
But when she's only a milimeter away from the prince... "someone's coming! I shouldn't be seen. But my prince..." And with that, Ariel hides herself behind a coral, scared of being seen, but even more scared someone's gonna hurt her prince.
A princess, beautiful and demure, just like Ariel. But she has something that Ariel has not: a pair of legs.
The princess kneel down beside Erick, exactly when he coughs and open his eyes...

The prince never know Ariel was there, that she is the one who has saved him from drowning. Instead, he married the princess, mistaken her for his savior, Ariel..."


Ariel's getting more and more anxious, "Why hasn't he replied my sms?" Suddenly she remembers, "he must be online". She's right, he was waiting her on the chat room.
-Hei, whats wrong? y didnt u replied my sms?
-Hei..yeah,sorry,its my cell. it just wont send any sms.
-Oh? thats weird. have u check the settings?
-Wait...Hei,can u check ur settings for me?
-OK..which one?
-Cell broadcast,is it on or off?
-Ok,nothings wrong then..

Ariel goes silent, she thinks he is already check all the settings, so she doesn't know what to say. Then Erick says:
-Oh,just 4get it. What r u doing?

                                    .......days later.....
-Hey,hows ur cell?
-Oh,its ok now. It turns out to be the msg centres..
-Maybe its changed automatically when I went to sg.
-I c... How did u find out it was the msg centres?
-Vanessa told me,when we were playing bowling together I asked her bout it. And she fixed it for me :)

Ariel's heart sank.
The msg centres? What did she told Erick? The settings! And she meant EVERYTHING in the settings... :'(
Ariel really wishes that she was there that time. She could've fixed it for him. She...doesn't know what to say...or what to feel anymore.
Oh, gosh!

10July06 --the whole story

I walk down the stairs, get in to the car.
Forget about him.
And close the door.
I cant.
I sit... and look up.
You don't love him.
I know you would be standing at the window, I was right.
I do.
You're looking down, in the darkness that surrounding.
Oh, I love him.
I'm almost sure you are looking at me, but wait...
She's in the car too.
But he doesn't love me...
I curse my human eyes... cos because of them I cant see your face clearly.
Or does he..?


I'm sitting here, at the backsit.
Looking up to you, standing at your window, looking down.
Who are you looking at, boy?
Me..? Or she, at the front sit?
I've never stopped wondering..

Soundtrack: If I let you go by Westlife

My quotes~

~* The sad thing is, I can't have the only thing that belongs to me*~

Life is suck...
And it even more suck without you

(-I've learnt, the way u look @ people is very important, very affecting-)

*)Now I know what it is to be loved, it's being not taken for granted(*

_-Don't be ashamed by what other people have done to you. Be ashamed by something you've done to other people-_

..-I don't hate him. It's just...It's hurts so bad knowing he's enjoying hurting me so much-..

It's true...

This poem was written by a young girl who committed suicide some years ago.
Please show someone you care for them today.
It mean so much to others, take some little of your time to smile, tell your friends that you care about them, give them a warm hug, or throw them some jokes if you can.
Loving each others is more beautiful than everything in this universe.

The Greatest Pain in Life
The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored.
To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all.
To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it.
When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite you to his graduation.
To have people think that you don't care.
The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten.
To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
To never get a call from a friend, just saying "hi".
When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.
For friends are always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.
When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you.
Life is full of pain, but does it ever get better?
Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others.


Pada suatu waktu
Aku terbaring terpaku
Ketika sebuah angan menerpaku
Betapa hidup takkan berliku
Bila aku bisa menjadi hantu

Bukan hantu bertaring berambut kaku
Bukan pula hantu berbaju putih bermata sayu
Hanya aku, diriku, tapi hantu

Hidup akan sepi, aku tahu
Tanpa keluarga, dan teman tempat mengadu
Tidak mengetahui indahnya baju baru
Tidak pula mengenakan sepatu

Tapi bukankah itu yang kita mau?
Untuk apa ada keluarga bila sama tak bisa mengadu?
Ada teman, tapi tak bisa bersatu?
Tau indah, tapi tak ada uang untuk membeli baju
Juga tidak untuk membeli sepatu baru
Menggantikan sepatu lama dari 5 tahun yang lalu
Tidak juga pusing ingin memilih makan singkong atau keju
Karena perut dan lidah telah kelu sebagai hantu
Juga takkan tersipu malu
Mendengar hinaan darimu

Ah, aku ingin menjadi hantu


"I have two fathers..."

"I live with my godfather. Nothing special about him. He's just like any other fathers. Sometimes, he even treat me bad.
But I don't care. I have a real father, who loves me so much, and gives me everything I want [good things of couse]. My real father lives far away from me. We have never meet each other since a long time ago. But we talk sometimes. The sad thing is, he seems to be very busy lately. I call him many times everyday, but he didn't answer. Well, not yet. I'm sure he will call me soon.

My real father has promised me one thing: One day, he will come and take me home. My real home, home where I live so many years ago, where there is no tears and pain. I wish I can go there soon. To the home where I can live with my real father.

P.S.: Father, I miss you. Call me soon, would you?"

Xin Tu by Dicky Cheung Wei Jian (信徒 - 張衛健)

One of my favourite songs of all time, this song never failed to get me carried away. It's deep in meaning; just wanna share it with other philosophers of love out there. The translation is by me, so I'm so sorry if it's doesn't quite literal (that's not the point of a poem, right?).
For another translation, click here.

Xin Tu - Believer

Zhi dao ni shen me hua dou bu shuo / Lian jin you de lei dou ren zhu
There's not a word comes out from your mouth. There are tears being held up inside.
Wo cai zhi dao pei zhe ni shang lu / Kuai le bu shi wei yi ren wu
I just realized, accompanying you in this journey, is not about gaining happines.
Zhi dao wo shi xian kai shi mo hu / Er ni que man lian bu zai hu
My sight has started to become blurry, but still, you're not showing any emotion.
Wo cai ming bai xue hui bian fa shu / Ye hui bu dao zui chu
I've just understand that even though I learn to do magic, I still can't change the past.

*Yi bian ai, yi bian zou

One side is love, the other side is leaving.
Wo yi jing cheng wei ni xin tu / Xiang xin, jin dao shen chu bu pa gu du
I've become your disciple, believing that a deep love afraid not of loneliness.

#Ru guo wo men bu ceng kan guo dui fang zen me ku
If we've never seen our consort hurting.
Ru he zhi dao kuai le yi zhuan shen jiu shi tong ku
How do we know that on the other side of love coin is suffering.
Xiang bu dao ni jue wang de lei shui / Yi cha na rang wo da che da wu
I've never thought that your tears of disappoinment, would bring me to my senses.
Ru guo wo men bu ceng zou guo gan qing zhe tiao lu
If we've never walked down this road of passion.
Ru he zhi dao xin mo shi zui chen zhong de bao fu
How do we know that the inner evil is our heaviest burden.
Nian shao qing kuang de hao ri zi / Yi dong shi jiu jie shu#
The good days of our youth, is over once we start to understand.

Zhi dao wo men dou bu yuan hui gu / Lian jin you de hen dou ma mu
Neither of us want to look back, all the hatred inside has been numbed.
Wo cai zhi dao gai chong xin shang lu / Jie shou ming yun de xin ren wu
I've just realized, to start over is to accept Fate's new task.
Zhi dao wo men dou bian de mo hu / Ye hao bu zai hu ying he shu
Our minds have become clouded, and we no longer care of winning or losing.
Wo cai ming bai gan qing de fa shu / Bu shi wei le zheng fu
I've just understand, the magic of love is not about conquering.

Back to * #


I don't remember anymore, how long have it been
The last time I heard you talked about your favorite fairy tale
I'm thinking hard, I'm starting to forget
Have I done you any wrong?
While crying you told me, fairy tales are all lies
There's no way I'm your prince charming
Probably you just don't understand
The moment you tell me you love me
All the stars in my world are sparkling
I will, I can, and I want to be the angel
that you love from the fairy tales
Spread my arms turn to wings to protect you
You have to believe, believe that what we have
can be like fairy tales
Happy ever after is the end of us
Together will we write our 'The End'
-Translated from Tong Hua by Guang Liang
I'm just back from my year-end holiday. And guess what... I am -oh- so in love. With...guess who! [clue: look at the picture]

He's one very cool, cute, mature guy. He's very ambitious. He knows what he wants, and just go for it, like nothing can stand in his way. And he is smart too, "unusually talented" that's what people say about him. And I agree. He doesn't talk too much [exactly the kind of guy I like!], polite, and thirsty for knowledge. Too good to be true, huh? :-) I bet many girls like him, too. *hiks!*