iFever

Have you heard the news? iPad was released and iPhone 4 is going to be released soon.

So, there's iSync, iTunes, iWork, iWeb, iMac, iPod Touch, iPhone, iPod Shuffle, iPod Nano, back to iPhone. Did I mention iDVD, iMovie, iPhoto, iDisk? And.. oh, iPhone one more time. Then let's not forget the most majestic of them all, the iPad.

[Wait right there, if you expect this to be a review of the technology, there's no such thing here. You'd only find my rants].
There are two things that bother me here, as much as I like Apple and worship Steve Jobs:

First, Apple is known for their creativity of inventing new things and make their customers believe that they need those things. Then, WHY THE HECK CAN'T THEY INVENT A BETTER NAMING FOR THEIR PRODUCTS? It's starting to get on my nerves.

Second, like I said, Apple (or rather, Steve Jobs) is gifted in telling people that it has invented new things/technology and that they'd need those things. But do we really? Let's see in particular for this iPad thing..

First, the use. So it's a hybrid between a PDA and a laptop (or, how I see it, a PDA that stuck mid-way in its evolution to be a laptop). Was it not intended to be an ebook? Then why does it include a virtual keyboard, web browser, is heavy, and not something that's nicely fit our grip, especially in the toilet? Was it intended to replace laptop? If so, why can't it multitask, open Flash, and -although I heard rumors that it can run up to 10 hours- Jobs didn't mention anything about a strong battery life(time)?

Second thing, the price. The prices of iPad range is between US$ 400-850 which approximately S$ 700-1200. So we have a desktop at home, a laptop in the room, a handphone in the bag, an MP3 player in our pocket (a PDA in another pocket, for some people. An additional PSP in the bag, for some other people), do we really need to buy one more gadget that doesn't really have a special purpose in its life or a special place to fit in? This is what I call the conspiracy of consumerism, when the society backed (or brainwashed) by commercial companies to force poor people in that society "work in a job you hate, to buy stuff that you don't need," and finally, "to impress people that you don't like".

Welcome to the universe.

Oh well.. anyway, don't mind me.. The truth is, I'm just jealous that those Apple products are out of my league of budgeting. Now, go buy your futuristic keyboardless laptop.

Not said, not told, not shown.. but doesn't mean it doesn't exist..

Do you want conspiracy with that theory?

Remember I told you about all those conspiracy theories the other day? Well, I got it going again lately. Can't help it.. everyday life is boring. Conspiracy theories are fun, help me to escape this boring and dull life i'm living. I found this website that basically talks about Fremasonry/Illuminati symbolism in pop culture. At first, it talks about Lady Gaga being a newbie to Illuminati and now she's currently a vigour campaigner of the club. Of course that's very interesting for me, especially when i found her lyrics are bizarre (I'm into songs lyrics too, btw).

So I keep reading and one thing lead to another, and I stumbled on the same website an article on the website that talk about 2009 VMA and how it is only a huge hidden occult ceremony. The writer of the article can really explain phase by phase why he thinks it is a huge stage hidden occultism. It's all logical.

I was so excited. Then I tried to tell my bf about it. You know how fun it is when you're excited about something, you tell someone, then you both discuss about it. I think it's not guys thing. All I got from my bf was "Why are you reading these things?" with why-are-you-reading-these-things-get-a-life look. I have a friend that also into these things with me, and, when we have the chance, always discuss it for hours. But he's doing his final year project now, so he doesn't really have time now. Ooh..how I miss times like that sometimes..

Anyway, I realize I ramble pointlessly in this post (more pointless than ever). Just want to let you know of the existence of these conspiracy theories (but, of course, it's just for fun). So I guess I'll just end your misery right here.

It's always the 'why' that trigger people.

For the people I love, and who claimed that they love me, and asked why am I such an abhorrent person:

"Cos you don't love me the way I want you to."

One hundred million things

Feel so empty lately. I think it must be a hype or a contagious disease or something cos everyone I know is feeling the same too. Or maybe it's just a natural part of growing up (if it's not quite obvious, I'm being sarcastic).

"Seems I'm not alone in being alone..

"Tried to write new poems, cos usually that what I do to get things out of my chest. But all that I can think of is just random sentences that don't quite related to one another. Like a box of all the wrong pieces of puzzle. It's all doesn't make sense.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was so driven. New drive to experience new things, being a new better person.

"I try to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. 
I know now, this is who I really am inside."

Driven to study, to meet new friends, organize some events, do some volunteering. It's all gone now. It's all feel pointless. Study fees hard to find, what's the point of wasting thousands of dollars? I can't even keep my old friends, let alone fine new ones. Events are just a waste of money and energy. There are many others ready to do or already doing the things need volunteering. I'm just another drop in the ocean, another face you pass in the crowd, another existence wasted.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was happy. I was a part of a group made of smart people, who do things for others, to contribute. I was a part of a dynamic class, people who come to class in time, respect their lecturers, do their homework. Now I am only a part of power-hungry people who don't even know how to change their own diapers. A classmate of people who come an hour late for the class, and roll their eyes and stick their tongues at the lectures, slam the door at the lecturer when she told them they're not allowed to switch tutorial group.
I want to go back to that happy times. Happy.. like Alexander said, only when you look back do you know that was the happiness. There it was, in the past. You're too late.

[Another reason why you shouldn't take things, right here right now, for granted].

Just finished watching a (really) long movie about Hitler [or some call it a really truly miniseries], thanks Mr. Matahari for generously lending me his DVD. Still, I don't understand what's with this guy, why did he hate Jews so much. I never really read anything on him, never really want to. I watched the movie, there's only one emotion that I feel (out of him and on myself): hatred. Why was Hitler so full of hatred? His life was bad, yes, but there are many who had worse (Nelson Mandela, for one) who turned out to be just alright, or even became a messenger of peace.

It's not easy, of course, to understand how these great people think. I read so many books and articles on Alexander the Great, before I finally see a glimpse of what motivates him: his father. Both admiration and hatred for the father. But still, that's just my conclusion. The real thing, who'd ever know..

On another perspective, both Hitler and Alexader made good leaders. People were afraid of them, maybe, but most of them gladly supported them. Why? I heard leadership is about influence. What made both Hitler and Alexander (plus Genghis Khan, Obama, Cleopatra, you name it) so influential? What made them good leaders? Compassion for their followers? I'm not sure for Hitler, and I'm suspicious not for Napoleon as well. Their great visions? Maybe, but how did they convinced their followers? Ah..so many questions of how and why..

What keeps them going is more complicated. Ambition? Glory? Pride? Greed (like one of my friends said)? A yearn for a change? ..Hatred? Alexander fought on in his war in India when he severly wounded. Achilles (even though he's a mere myth) went to Greek even though it meant he won't live long enought to come back home. Cleopatra's willing to be called Caesar's whore just to keep Egypt safe and strong. And, back to Hilter.. even though he's imprisoned, he kept going on.
Oh, well, I guess it's different for each person, what keeps them going on in their little journey called life.

So.. what keeps YOU going? ;)

Those 5Cs..

There is this special term in Singapore to see if a guy is worth marrying or not: does he have 5Cs? It stands for Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium, and membership(s) of Country club [sometimes the package comes with additional C: child(ren)]. Like any other sarcastic joke, noone can tell for sure when or how did the term start. But, to put it simply, it shows you what kind of things that these people values. They think that by having these things (or having the person who have these things), their lives would be easier. But, oh well, who am I to comment on it.. Move on to the next topic..

Singaporeans indeed should start to worry about 5Cs these days, but not the usual ones, but the ones that everybody has a share, no matter from which economy status they come from: the 5 degree celcius, that is. Ok, maybe not exactly 5°C, but you know what I mean. The increase in temperature that's happening lately. This is not an essay, so I won't give you facts and figures or literature references. But you know you can feel it. The temperature is rising.
Weather reports might show projection about the topic, the government might deny it, and experts might living in denial . But can your skin deny it (it's an interesting word, deny is, try to repeat it 7 times in your mind)? Step outside of your house or office, and feel it for yourself.

Then what's the point of my post this time? There's no point, I just want to rant how freaking hot can this place be! Is it really nearing the 2012? I hope August comes soon

Tying the knot is suffocating

SotD: Underappreciated by Christina Aguilera.

Actually, I want this title to be the title of the book that I will write in the future. But 'future' is a a faraway place.
So here, I'll give you, few lucky people, a sneak peek to my future book.

When I was younger (well, I'm still young *ahem*), I made a promise to myself that I won't get married. I told that to a few close friends who quickly exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" As usual, secret spreads fast. So soon enough, most of my classmates knew about it (can't help it, I was so popular *cough*). And they all exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" Usually, I would answer, 'why should I?' But they wouldn't take that for an answer. That's how the idea of writing the book come about.

I started to list to myself all the reasons why I don't want to get married. I surprised myself: there are so many reasons. As this is a sneak peek, I'll only tell you one of the reasons (anyway, it'd be too long if I tell you everything and you won't read till the end): I don't believe in marriage.
Come on, who are we kidding? Why do people these days get married? Ask that to Westerners, they'd say, "cos we love each other". What's love? They'll stare at you blankly.
Ask that to Asians, they'd say, "cos we have to, if not, the family line won't go on". Now I'm the one who stare at them blankly.

Marriage should be a commitment. But what a does commitment mean when they can break it by divorce? It's only make the commitment more expensive. And worse when they already have kid(s). They stay together because they have to, not because they want to. It's a thing I hate to do, those must-do things. Well, when the arranged marriages were a trend, the couple had to stay together. But then, they accept it and they learn to love each other. Or at least, they learn to accept each other.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because I keep meeting horrible guys. I have one faboulous boyfriend, one wise god-brother or two, and a couple of great guy friends. But still, I don't believe in marriage. If we can keep our love strong for a lifetime, we don't need a label titled 'marriage' to stick us together.

If you still don't understand the whole thing I'm saying, this reason is described just right by 'Underappreciated', a song by Christina Aguilera (oh Christina.. still my hero). Old song, but in a way reminds me (still) why i don't want to get married.
Oh, the reason is also pictured nicely by the movie '500 Days of Summer', from Summer's perspective.

"Eagles fly alone." -AtG

Sometimes, the answer we've been looking for is right around the corner.
Sometimes, we're just delaying to make the turn.

A call to arms..

Soundtrack of the day: A Call to Arms by 30 Seconds to Mars

This is a call to arms, gather soldiers
Time to go to war
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

For one, I've finally decided which song from 30 Seconds to Mars is my first favorite. Despite of everything that I've said about their new album, 30 Seconds to Mars is still inspiring for me. I guess that's what it is with good stuffs, you have to savour them first to be able to truly enjoy them ;)

Did you ever believe?
Were you ever a dreamer?
Ever imagine heart open and free?
Did you ever deny? Were you ever a traitor?
Ever in love with your bloodless business?

Yup, inspiring me. In this dull life, in an even duller world. With the dullest people. Don't get me wrong, I have few great friends, the wisest people you'll ever meet. But compare to others that surrounding me, they are so few and so far.

I've always been a depressed girl by nature. But lately, it's all coming back to me. Like reading too much Ecclesiastes. Feel sick of everything. Where's the promise of "your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly"^? It doesn't exist. Just a well-worn dream.

You do this, do that, this, that, this, back again. Like a cassette being played once too often. Thinking those things will make life easier, yourself likable, your dreams one step closer. But nuh-uh. You only one step closer to the end of your life, or the end of the world, or whichever is closer.
And, bad news, things will only get worse the further you go from the time you were born.

Ever want to be free?
Do you even remember?
Want to be God, the Devil like me?
Ever want to just stop? Do you want to surrender?
Or fight for victory?

Good questions. Everyone wants to be free. But few remember.
Look around. No need to be too far. Look at the mirror. Do you feel bitter inside? Lonely? Unloved? Why?
I know few of my friends that have blogs. Most of the content of their blogs are about disappointment, bitterness, anger, hatred. Why?
Because few remember. Of their dreams. Of their purposes in life. Of their motivation. Of the answer of what should they fight for.
But how should we remember, when this life force us to only remember about one thing: MONEY? Gosh, I can go on and on about that.

Darkness falls, but here comes the rain
To wash away the past and the names
Darkness falls, here comes the rain
To end it all, the blood and the game

But everything has an end, right? Based on some beliefs, the world will come to an end. The old will pass, the new comes. Tears, pain, sadness will be wiped away.
Well, bad news again, though, it's only for few chosen ones.

Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold
Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold

Lesson to learn (for myself too): keep fighting. The battle isn't over yet.
If you think you're at the bottom of the pit, take heart, because when you're at the bottom of the pit, there's only one way left to go: UP.

This is a call to arms... brothers and sisters

The most bizarre (and yuck) animals ever

I was entertaining myself the other day by searching for weird-looking animals. You know, something that'd be amusing. Here are what I found. And I thought I've seen everything...

Narwhal
Well, this one isn't so yucky, but it's worth a note. It is actually a kind of whale, but the weird thing about it has an incisor tooth (front tooth) that projects from the left side of the upper jaw. Maybe that's how the inspiration of Unicorn image came about? According to National Geographic, it "is the unicorn of the sea".

Anglerfish
Maybe there's nothing really weird about how it looks (yeah, it's ugly, but not enough to make your jaw drops like the next fish), except that it has a "lantern" hanging from its head to draw an innocent un-suspecting food-to-be. But what struck me when I read about this fish is the way it mates.
The guy will bite into the female skin, "and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level" ^."Without any need for most of his organ systems, such as eyes and digestive organs, the male's body degenerates into essentially a pair of sperm-producing testicles. Thus the female essentially becomes a hermaphrodite with up to six or more of these tiny male parasites attached to various parts of her body. Although functionally bisexual, the eggs and sperm come from genetically distinct parents, thus providing vital genetic variability through meiosis and genetic recombination." ^That's like having sex with a corpse!

Monkfish
Well, I find this fish weird cos, obviously, this is the ugliest fish I've ever seen.
In China, they actually cook the fish as delicacy.

Blobfish
Wait, I change my mind. THIS is.
Blobfish live in a very deep ocean (around Australian and Tasmania) where the water pressure can make other fish's ability to swim useless. That's why, this fish adapt by staying as only a blob, so they don't have to waste energy to swim or do anything at all. Because it lack of activity, blobfish don't develop any muscle. Interesting...talking about sloth..

Blood Squirting Lizard
The lizard itself is alright, but it has an awesome defense mechanism. One thing that we can learn from the lizard: stand up for yourself even until the last drop of blood (sampai titik darah penghabisan?).


Chinese giant salamander
Afraid of worms? How about a GIANT worms with fingers?

Japanese jellyfish (?)
I'm not sure if this animal is for real -I didn't find any other source that talk about it, but it sure is interesting to note. Watch the video to experience its weirdness (just jump to the end if you're impatient).


Here are links to more weird animals:
Weirdest sea creatures ever
Strangest animals on earth
Strangest animals
New species
20 weirdest and ugliest looking animals on earth
Strangest endanger species
25 worlds weirdest animals

How?

How do we know when someone truly loves us?

When he doesn't sms during your exam and reply after long after
--cos he wants you to concentrate on your work?
When he doesn't display your picture together in Facebook, because it's not necessary
--people already see you together in person?
When he doesn't upload your picture together, because he wants to keep it private
--only for your eyes and his?
When he tells noone about your relationship because he thinks people would see themselves
--you are together, that's the fact?
When he let go off your hand around his friends cos he wants to show you respect
--to show that he's not always all over you?

The things that I don't understand...

This blog has changed..

I have changed. This blog should changed.
For some time, I've learnt to think what is the purpose of doing the things that we do. There is no point of doing something that doesn't influence other people in a good way.
So I thought, what is the purpose of this blog? No, it's not to tell the world about me, nor to bored them with my "whinings". It shouldn't be.

The purpose of this blog, from now on, is to tell you the few life lessons I've learnt, so you yourself don't have to make the mistakes to learn them. Your life is too short for that.
By writing them here, I will also be always reminded about them.

Rainbow..

"I don't see much rainbow anymore these days.
I wonder why..
It's been raining, but there's no rainbow.
Has the much polluted air concealed the rainbow?
Or has it ceased becoming in this too many skyscrapers city?
Or is it just me that caught up in my busyness too much that I don't have time to look up at the sky and find the rainbow?"

You can always hurt yourself in silence.

Just a random thought that crossed through my mind this morning as I listened to the lecture of "the uses of money" (or something like that. Do we really need a teaching on that?).

1. Being in silence for too long can hurt you.
Everybody knows: loneliness kills. Now, don't confuse 'alone' with 'lonely'. Being in silence definitely talks about being lonely, not about being on your own. So, DO NOT GET ACQUAINTED FOR TOO LONG WITH SILENCE.

2. Hurt yourself (only) when noone is looking.
This is the ironic side of the theory --and the one that I first thought of. I know certain angry people that "release" their anger by hurting themselves.. in front of everyone. So that everyone would know how angry hurting s/he is.
But the saddest of all is those who are hurting themselves behind everyone's back.
They look so alright on the outside; nobody could even guess something wrong is going on. But they are hurting themselves, mentally or physically, or both.. when noone's looking.

When the familiar things you put in familiar places can no longer be found,
Your home filled by people you no longer recognize,
You'd realize that YOU are the outsider..

Soar

Soundtrack of the day: Soar by Christina Aguilera

So, yesterday I was talking about things that I've been thinking about (and things that I want to do). One of them keeps bugging me, and I'm the kind of person who, when think too much, will get sick --literally. So I think I'll write it down here, just to share it with everyone, perhaps to get a reply of what anyone else think (and I need to get if off my chest!).

Some things can only explained through melodic rhyming words.
Some things don't even have words to represent them.
But I'll try with my wits' best for this case.
It's about relationships: marriage, lovers, you get the picture. But particularly, as the case in Christina's song:

The boy who wonders is he good enough for them
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win

Uh-huh. So it's all started because there's this someone I like right now. I think he's smart and handsome and independent and...oh, the list goes on. But day after day I observe him, he seems sad. Like, there's something hurtful about his past that he just won't let go. But, probably it's just my imagination.

Anyway, I always drown in fantasy that wouldn't it be great if I can make him my prince charming and this be my fairytale? He seems so perfect --at least for now.
That's one of the problems too, though. He's too perfect: handsome, smart, rich, hardworking. Why would he want to be with me? He has this long road of success ahead of him, with people throwing him flowers along the way.

I ridiculously entertain the thoughts that he does like me back, from the "friendly" way he talks to me and all. But, everybody knows that he is the friendly sort of guy (a huge successful-person-to-be, hello?) and who knows how "friendly" he gets with the other girls? You'll be able to see how those girls flock around him like hungry fish when food is thrown at them.

Back to the issue, since I really really like him, is it worth it to get his attention? It is the problem with me, too, since I'm more to career-minded, I always believe that it's not worth it to waste your time patching love story.

But this time...for once, I started to doubt what I've believe in for so long.
On one side, it seems beautiful to have a relationship. "Someone to have and hold" they say, to share your thoughts, happiness and sadness. Someone you can always call immediately when you get good grades, did an impressive presentation, or when you're sad or sick.

But on the other side, I just can't stand the hurt should he one day change his feelings (in my opinion, guys do change too fast, too often). And not to mention if our parents disagree on our relationship. OR if he, himself, is career-minded and decides that it's not worth his time having relationship with ME *gasp*

There you have it, I've put it out my head. I just wish that I have a mom or a best friend or whoever to talk to about things like this. Sadly, I have none.
Even though it's a different issue (but on the same topic), I just want to close this post with a line from Westlife's song

"If you've got somethin' to tell me, don't keep it inside. Let it be heard."

Soundtrack of the day: Welcome by Christina Aguilera

Does he? Does he not?
(It's a long story compiled into two short questions)

New wish of Newcastle

"I'm so happy when I know what I want" --printed shirt

I don't know if this is included as a "new year resolution" (but seeing the definition of resolution, I think it is included), but I've just realized what I want, as a purpose of my life in a short term (not really a short term, though): I want to finish my last year of college on-campus. Which means, I'm so going to Newcastle!

Yes, it seems huge now. I definitely can't afford the air ticket and my pop definitely won't pay for it. How about accommodation and connection/friends? I have no information on those things. Not yet.

THAT brings me to other resolutions for this year: I have to work hard for my study, give myself straight As. And gather information on how to transfer to the campus in Newcastle. Also, surely pray hard for it and be a super nice girl so I can include this wish to my Christmas list and hope Santa (or, God, whichever) is kind enough to grant me it.


Now, let's talk about reasons: why (I know this question word will always come up) Newcastle? University of Newcastle I'm studying in has three campuses in Australia, fourth is in Singapore where I'm at right now. Those campuses in Australia are in Newcastle, Central Coast and Port Macquire. So why Newcastle?

At first, I was reading about the three campuses in UoN site, and it was stated that "Callaghan [the name of the campus] is our original campus". That sounds good, doesn't it? 
But this is better:

"Our beautiful natural environment with a smattering of buildings have won awards for outstanding architecture....Our ground staff not only look after the flora but they also ensure that the fauna that shares the bushland with us is treated with care and respect."
Perfect! Then, I went on to Wikipedia, it's written there that the temperature is between 12.4° to 23° celcius. 

Perfect. 

Wikipedia also describe how beautiful the classic architecture of the building is (check out the pic I post). And an important thing: Newcastle located near beaches and has rivers. Lovely! I think I'll be comfortably happy living there :D

After all has been said and done, are you really happy where you are?