It's been only 6 days, and my Nokia 6280 has already broken :DWell, I was moving some files from the memory card to phone memory last night, then suddenly it went off. I tried to turn it on, but it just won't. It was on for a while, blink-blink, then went off again -I haven't even dropped it! *lol* And because today is Sunday, I have to wait until tomorrow to bring it to Nokia centre. Thank God I still have my N-Gage with me.
Well, another lesson learnt. The old one who still stand by you until today is the most loyal one, and is irreplaceable by no one else. Oh I love you, N-Gage [My N-Gage have 'fallen' because of me, many, many times :p].

Happy birthday to me...!

My wish for this birthday
and all I wanted for Christmas
is going to college.......... and a laptop! *lol*

It's December, and it's my birthday!

...and it will soon Christmas!

It's my birthday.... and the best one just yet.
Well, it's the same as last year, no mom, no cake, no brother.. But everybody remembers! When I woke up in the morning, I got like, 10 smses. Cool.
Then, the better thing is... when it 12.30 odd am [last night, you can say], I got out from my room and there was my father in the living room. And he said, "hey, it's 12am...happy birthday", he hugged me. I said, "thanks..". Then he said, "I love you...". I was speechless and was close to tears...
And the best thing... I got presents...From my stepmom, a necklace. I was kinda surprise she gives me a present. I mean, if she knows it's my birthday, that could be because my dad told her. But if she bought me a present, that means she has prepared it..From my dad...a Nokia 6280! Well, at first, my reaction was "a cellphone...ok". But then, I fall so in love with it. It has camera, we can put themes on it, and what I love the most.. is the shape. It's just so cool! I've been wanting to buy a cellphone for so long, but I just couldn't pick the suitable one. Maybe God think "oh come on, pick one quick. Not yet? Ok, here, I'll just give you one" :-D
It's December.... ooh I LOVE December.What's not to love about it? It's rainy season [winter, in some parts of the world], it's going to be Christmas, it's holiday season. And Christina Aguilera said "..everybody's home for Christmas..". Well, not quite EVERYBODY, but at least it's TIME for everybody to come home. And that's exactly what going to happen, all my best friends are going back to our city. There will be sooo much fun. We've been emailing each other, saying: I'm so excited.. I can't wait... I've made a list of what we can do when I'm there..
Talking about my best friends... It's so funny when I think about it, there are four of us, and we are best friends to each other [so doesn't matter if it's only any of the two of us who get together, we'll still enjoy ourselves] and our birthdays are also close to each other [28th&30th Nov, 4th&5th Dec]. So each time, we'll give presents to each other, it's feels like we celebrating Christmas too early *lol*.

Do you know...?

You can only tear the Nescafe packaging on one side?

am
I've just received a call. I have to come to Batam TV station tomorrow evening to have some kind of acting class, and then do some ads so people will vote for me! [like "here's my number, sms 'BTI space EvaBerlin to...' "] *lol* Well, wish me luck!!

pmI'm back from the audition tonight -again. But this time, I just went there to accompany Rosiana. She passed too! So we both will go to Batam TV station tomorrow at 3 p.m. Rosiana did very great. Well, at first, she was nervous, so her expressions weren't obvious. One of the judges asked her to do a 'scene' where she got rape then found out that she was pregnant. This time her acting is marvelous, she even cry a real one and saying things like "I have to kill myself, I'm going to kill myself".

I'm so drown with jealousy, you know. No, not because Rosiana has passed the audition [I'm so happy for her!]. But because tonight when I was watching the other participants... when they passed and they got off from the stage, their family or friends [or both] will congratulate them, and laughing, and everything. One of the participant said that she came there without any support from her parents, because her parents think the whole artist-thing is absurb. But, she was there with 4 or 5 friends. When the judges said she passed, her friends were cheering like crazy. Even Rosiana has someone to share the joy. Her mother wasn't there when she did the audition. But by the time the audition over, her mother pick her up, and Rosiana was describing the whole audition with enthusiasm.

Anyway, all I have to worry now is tomorrow's shooting though [ehm, sounds so cool, 'shooting']. So I'd better get some sleep now... Good night!

zzzzzzzzzz......

One of the happiest days of my life...

Gues what! I took part in audition of BTI [Bintang Tionghua Indonesia (Indonesia Chinese Star --sound weird in English *lol*) that is], and... I passed! Well, only to the semifinal, but that is sooo good already.
There were 4 judges in the audition; 2 men and 2 women. They asked us [the participants] to do expression of gladness, anger, sadness, and happiness. Yeah, at first I was confused too, what's the different between gladness and happiness. Then I understood -watching the other participants before me- that gladness is like when you smiling at something funny, but happiness is like when you win 1-million-dollars lottery. So I did the expressions, to my surprise, the judges said my 'sadness' was not obvious. I thought the only expression I'm good at is sadness. So one of the judges wanted me to act out some kind of scene: where my mother had already died, and I cried "please don't leave me...!" Oh yeah, that is so oh-what-a-coincidence. My mom HAD already died [but of course I didn't tell the judges that or otherwise they would've changed the 'scene']. And do you realize what the weirdest thing is? That is exactly what I said when my mother passed away: Mom, please don't leave me...!

Anyway, so I started to act... and I started to cry -real one. My voice became shaky and there were tears.. The judges were so impressed *lol*. But judge number one said "It's easy to shed tears in acting, but I can see your face still smiling". I was like "...what?!" Well, it's good though. It's all good. Haha..so I'm going to the semifinal on 19th. Oh, before that, my best mate Rosiana will have the audition on 15th. So I have to come to give her some support.

You know, what makes me happy passing this audition is not that I believe I will [or hoping to] get the part [read: becoming an actress], not at all, I know I'm sooo far from that. But passing this become some kind of...self proving. That "hey, I can act too". That finally at the very least, there's something I can do that some people appreciate. Besides, I took part for the experience, and I know I'll get so much from this.
Ugh, and you know what, the female judges said I'm beautiful [thank you!]. And Rosiana said she can't believe that I can did that, confidently. All she knew was the geeky shy Eva Berlin. Well people I'm overdue, give me some room, I'm coming through.

*lol* I'm glad I'm so much better than me years ago. I really have to thank my God, Jesus Christ. Selamat -my other best mate- was right, I really have to turn to God in everything :-)

It's my IELTS test today. As you all know, there are 4 parts in IELTS test: listening, reading, writing, and speaking. The first three were on 4th, today was speaking. I had no problem in listening and reading. But then in writing...the time is so not enough. So my grammar was like...sucks. They only gave us an hour, and the questions were "describe the graphs below" and "what do you think the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare?" I don't even understand what on earth 'private healthcare' is [can someone tell me, please..?] I spent 40 minutes for the firstquestion alone, so when I got to question number two I thought whatever, I'll just write down whatever comes to my mind.
That is not the worst just yet. In speaking, I was asked many questions which I don't even know the answers in Indonesian [my mother language]. I'm talking about questions like:
"How do you think fashion has affect our world today?"
"Is it more important for teenager or older people to follow fashion?"
"Describe the clothes you bought recently, where did you bought it, and why do you bought it." I was thinking "Well, I did NOT buy any clothes LATELY". I end up talking crap about the dress I bought for my dad's wedding..
I'm so anxious waiting for the result. It would be so embarrasing if I fail the test, I'll be mocked to death if not for the rest of my life. Oh dear Lord Jesus Christ, please please please let me pass the test....

Films I've watched in my life...

I think it would be fun to note down films I've watched in my life.

It turns out to be very surprising how many movies I've watched over the years. Here's the list. I put links [for trailer] to the films that I reccomend and films which I think inconspicuous to many.

8mm
A Life Less Ordinary

A Smile Like Yours
Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls
America's Sweethearts
Anaconda
Anna and the King
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Aquamarine
Back to the Future
Backflash
Batman Forever
The Beach
Bedazzled
Black Knight
Brokeback Mountain
Bruce Almighty
Butterfly Effect, The
Catch Me If You Can
Charlie's Angel
Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, The Witch, and The WardrobeCleopatra [starring Leonor Varela]Click
Confession of A Teenage Drama Queen
Constantine
Date Movie
DaVinci Code, The
Death Becomes Her
Desperado
Die Hard
Die Hard: With A Vengeance
Dude, Where's My Car?

Ella Enchanted
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Evita
Eye of the Beholder
Eyes Wide Shut

Face/Off
Faculty, The
Fight Club
Flinstones, The
The Fog
Forrest GumpGirl Next Door, The
Gladiator
Glass House, The
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hell Boy
Hitch
Home Alone
How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days

I Know What You Did Last Summer
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Independence Day

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!
Jerry Maguire
Joe Dirt
Jumanji
Jurrasic Park

Karate Kid, The

Lake House
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The
Look Who's Talking
Lords of the Rings: The Fellowship of the RingLords of the Rings: The Two TowersLords of the Rings: The Return of the King

Madagascar
Man In the Iron Mask, The
Marvin's Room
Mary Higgins Clark: All Around the Town
Matrix, The
Matrix Reloaded
Matrix Revolution
May
Mean Girls
Meet Joe Black
Men In Black I & II
Mexican, The
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
Mission Impossible I & II
Moulin Rouge
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Mummy, The
Mummy Returns, The
My Best Friend's Wedding
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

New York Minutes
Notebook, The

Ocean's Eleven
Once Upon A Time In China
Panic Room
Passion of the Christ, The
The PatriotPearl Harbour
Perfume
Phantom of the Opera, ThePirates of the Carribean - Cursed of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest
Poltergeist
Primal Fear
Princess Diaries, The 1 & 2
Reach the Rock
Recruit, The
Ring, The
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Robocop
Romeo + Juliet
Saw I & Saw II
Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, 4.
Scent of A Woman
Scooby Doo
Scream 1, 2, 3Screwed
Se7en
See No Evil, Hear No Evil
Seven Years In Tibet
Shanghai Noon
Shanghai Knight
Shark Tale
Shrek I & II
Sign
Silent Hill
Sixth Sense
Sleeping With the Enemy
Sleepy Hollow
Sound of Music, The
Spiderman I & II
Spy Kid
Steal [aka Riders]
Stepford Wives, The
Striking Poses
Sweetest Thing, The
Swordfish

Taxi 3
Terminator
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Quick and the Dead
There's Something About Mary
Titanic
Troy
Truman Show, The

Van Helsing
Vannila SkyWar of the Worlds, The
WasabiWicker Park
Winning London

X-Men
X2: X-Men United
X-Men: The Last Stand
xXx

::My metamorphosis::

I have just updated my friendster. Just to obliquely let everybody knows: I have metamorphosed from a caterpillar who was living in the darkness of a cocoon, feeling depressed and lonely, into a happy butterfly –a happy beautiful butterfly.
I know there are some who people find it ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or whatever.
And some people who think I AM ‘not cool’, ‘silly’, ‘childish’, or whatever.
But as the saying goes “Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a thing”, so I’ll just fly away, enjoying my new wings and freedom, and leave them alone in their cocoon.

[-But one thing they should know: careful, I'm still sexy, naughty, and noxious-]

~*How does one become a butterfly?
You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar*~

Starving no more...

Like any other teenagers, I've been struggling with my weight.
Hollywood and runway have spread a disease called flat-abs-obsession syndrome.
Which make every single teenagers --girls AND boys-- and even mid-ages worship anyone who has that 'body to die for'.
That's right...TO DIE FOR.
Ever heard of anorexia [which now already developed to pregnorexia] and bulimia?
Because of 'that body', many people have starved themselves.
And that's exactly what I did.
I starved myself, cursing me when I eat rice a grain too much.
Until some times ago, I'm having a terrible stomachache.
It's like something wild moving in my stomach,
torturing me, and making me feel like I wanna throw up.
Well, I did once.
And the strange thing is, it's only happened in the evening.
After a week of misery, I realize --my body has react differently to respon my HUNGER.
That's when I knew THIS GOT TO STOP
Now, I learn to love the body I'm in.
I eat everything I want to eat: ice cram, cookies, pizza --everything.
Not too much that I want to throw up, though [hey, I said, I LOVE MY BODY]
I move my body more, too.
Instead of watching movie-stars and models showing their starving bodies in the telly,
I clean my house whenever I don't have anything to do.
It's a great excersize, and also making my home a more comfortable place to live.
And the result to my body? Not bad.. [see image, hehe...]

Next time anyone commented you're fat/ugly/anything bad,
ask them when is their birthday... so that you can buy them a mirror.

Soundtrack: Ugly by Sugababes

Love~

I think I'm in love.
But I don't know whether it is love.

This kind of feeling can be very deceiving.
There are times when I'm missing him so much.
Remembering our silent conversation.
Remembering the things that we've shared to each other.
Dreams, fear, worry, laugh, anger. Everything.

There are times when I hate him so much.
For coming to my life... then dissappear
                without a trace.
For giving me so much joy... then take it away
                like I don't deserve it.
For teaching me to believe in love... then denying it himself.

There are times, I really want him to know:
You mean so much for me.
You know I'd give everything for you
                but you also know that I don't have everthing.
If you want me to stay, I will do just that.
If you want me to go away, because you happier that way
                                                ...I will do just that.

There are times I hate myself.
Because I never had the courage to tell him everything I want him to know.
Soundtrack: That's Where You Find Love by Westlife

The mermaid's day

"Ariel pull the prince out of the sea, out of danger, to the beach nearby.
She looks at him, can't believe what she feels when she's looking at this magical being. Something she's never felt for someone she's never met --a creature she's never saw.
A feeling that pulls her heart and her hand to touch this beautiful face.
But when she's only a milimeter away from the prince... "someone's coming! I shouldn't be seen. But my prince..." And with that, Ariel hides herself behind a coral, scared of being seen, but even more scared someone's gonna hurt her prince.
A princess, beautiful and demure, just like Ariel. But she has something that Ariel has not: a pair of legs.
The princess kneel down beside Erick, exactly when he coughs and open his eyes...

The prince never know Ariel was there, that she is the one who has saved him from drowning. Instead, he married the princess, mistaken her for his savior, Ariel..."

                                    ***

Ariel's getting more and more anxious, "Why hasn't he replied my sms?" Suddenly she remembers, "he must be online". She's right, he was waiting her on the chat room.
-Hei, whats wrong? y didnt u replied my sms?
-Hei..yeah,sorry,its my cell. it just wont send any sms.
-Oh? thats weird. have u check the settings?
-Wait...Hei,can u check ur settings for me?
-OK..which one?
-Cell broadcast,is it on or off?
-Ok,nothings wrong then..

Ariel goes silent, she thinks he is already check all the settings, so she doesn't know what to say. Then Erick says:
-Oh,just 4get it. What r u doing?
-........
-........

                                    .......days later.....
-Hey,hows ur cell?
-Oh,its ok now. It turns out to be the msg centres..
-Oh....
-Maybe its changed automatically when I went to sg.
-I c... How did u find out it was the msg centres?
-Vanessa told me,when we were playing bowling together I asked her bout it. And she fixed it for me :)
-...

Ariel's heart sank.
The msg centres? What did she told Erick? The settings! And she meant EVERYTHING in the settings... :'(
Ariel really wishes that she was there that time. She could've fixed it for him. She...doesn't know what to say...or what to feel anymore.
Oh, gosh!