The Breakup Letter

Dear Singapore,

We have been together for so long. It has been 11 years this May. I've shared with you the best years of my life, but I think it's time to go our separate ways. I'd like to say that it's not you, but it really is you.

I genuinely wanted to be with you for a long time, I planned my life around you, but you rejected me. I planned to settle down with you, but I was never in your plan. I've been trying to improve for you, be a better person for you, but I'm never good enough. Now that you've rejected me for the third time, I realised it's not me, it really is you.

You were my teenage crush. You're hot, handsome, and rich. I fell for you when I was young, so even though your brain and heart are empty, it didn't matter for me. You're full of life, and excitements, and glamour. But as I grow older, my values changed. Now I want someone who is grounded, and who will love me for who I am. I'm no longer a teenager, and that's why I have to move on from you.

I'm still a dreamer, but now I dream of different things.

I need to find someone who's ready to settle down too. A family man, if you will. To be completely honest, I ran into my long-lost love recently, Ireland, and that's what changed my mind. He was my childhood love. After we lost contact for so long, I seldom thought of him. But when we met again recently, I realised that he's always been my ideal man.

I'm not sure if you know him, or even heard of him. People say he looks cold from the outside, but he's really a warm person inside. The most important thing is, he could love me for who I am, including my weaknesses and everything I'm lacking of. He's much older than you, but that's what I need, somebody who's been through a lot and matured by his experiences. Somebody who understands the importance of inner peace and prioritise it over chasing after ambitions.

I will always remember our love story, but we're just not good for each other. You've never accepted me wholly, because by your standards I'm not good enough. That's ok, I can't change your standards and I've come to love myself as I am. Neither of us is to blame, we're just different; We have different values and priorities.

In any case, it's time to say goodbye.

Like the break of any relationship, it is painful, it's not going to be easy, and it will take time. After all, 11 years is a long time, we have made so many memories together. But this goodbye is also relieving. We don't have to tolerate each other anymore. We don't have to pretend anymore. We can be ourselves. We can just be. I wish you all the success, which you've worked so hard for and fully deserved. My only wish is that you'd take life a bit slower and enjoy the little things money can't buy.

Love always,
G071XXXXR

To the Fools who dream

My aunt used to live in Paris.
I remember, she used to come home and tell us these stories about being abroad.
And I remember she told us that she jumped into the river once, barefoot.

She smiled,

Leapt, without looking
And tumbled into the Seine
The water was freezing
She spent a month sneezing
But said she would do it again

Here's to the ones who dream

Foolish as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that ache

Here's to the mess we make

She captured a feeling
Sky with no ceiling
The sunset inside a frame
She lived in her liquor
And died with a flicker

I'll always remember the flame

Here's to the ones who dream

Foolish as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that ache

Here's to the mess we make

She told me,
"A bit of madness is key. To give us new colors to see
Who knows where it will lead us? And that's why they need us"

So bring on the rebels, the ripples from pebbles
The painters, and poets, and plays

And here's to the fools who dream, crazy as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that break

Here's to the mess we make

I trace it all back to then

Her, and the snow, and the Seine

Smiling through it

She said she'd do it 

again

The Egg Story (A Scapegoat Fable)

by Jp Bailey-Ma

One day while a mother bird was busy,
an egg rolled out of her nest, and down the hill,
and right into a nest of snake eggs.

When the mama snake came home,
she didn't even notice the difference.

When the snake eggs and the bird egg hatched
the mama snake barely took care of them and
then sent them on their way.

The bird thought that snakes were sources of love
but they were cold.

The bird wasn't ready to leave the nest
but had to go and be alone, on her own.
Or stay and get bit by snakes.

Eventually the bird found other birds
who were very loving
and the bird got the nurturing it needed.

Every once in awhile the bird would see a snake
and think "mama" and fly down to hug her,
only to be almost bitten by a snake,
even those that were born in the same nest.

The bird would fly away confused and distraught.
The bird didn't know that she had bonded with a snake
who was a different type of animal than what she was.
But she knew that she felt at home with the other birds.

Eventually the bird found a mate and learned the new ways of bird love
and how to take care of eggs that hatch
and keep them in the nest a lot longer.

She saw that she was in the wrong nest before
and that she didn't get enough time to grow up,
and didn't get warm hugs there.

She knew she belonged with the birds.
But secretly she always wanted to fix the snake somehow
or get it to love her.

Snakes were cool and exciting and sometimes
she couldn't help but go hang out with them.
But in the end she always left hurt and bewildered
or unfulfilled and realized that she should not do that anymore.

The bird now loves being a bird with other birds,
and avoids, and teaches her chicks to avoid, snakes.

Every once in awhile she sees an awkward young bird
walking around confused and she says,
"Ah ha" that bird must have gotten lost too,
I'll go help her feel welcome here with us birds.

My Deepest Fear is...

Not to be remembered
Leaving this world without doing anything memorable
...anything significant
...anything useful

Not knowing myself till the end
Not knowing the love of my life
Not knowing what I've done with the years of my life

Not knowing what to say, what to write, what to do
Not figuring out how to love, how to teach, how to be

Letting my light go dim
Letting others' light never shining

Not seeing the end coming, approaching too fast

-random thoughts penned down in 60 seconds

Voila! Vikings

Look what I've done! I turned Chip and Caoimhe to Vikings:

Since both of their heads are very small, I had to modify and simplify this Viking Helm pattern from Reckless Stitches (Ravelry) [click here to directly download the PDF].

Here is my pattern version, this is based on Caoimhe's helmet. I used 40 gr threads and 4 mm hook for Caoimhe's and 3 mm hook for Chip's:

Hat

Use grey yarn. Create a magic circle.
R1: sc 6 into the circle, sl st into front loop to close circle (6)
R2: ch 4, tr 1 into front loop of 1st sc of R1, tr2 into front loop of each sc around, sl st to close
ring (12)
R3: sc into the back loop of the tr and into the back loop of the first round to make a ridge for 12,
sl st to close ring (12)
R4: ch1, sc1 into 1st st, sc2, *inc 1, sc2* repeat to end, sl st to close ring (18)
R5: ch1, sc1 into 1st st, sc2, *inc 1, sc3* repeat to end, sl st to close ring (24)
R6-14: Continue to increase by 6 stitches each round by adding another stitch between each
increase until Row 14; you will have 78 stitches around.

If you need it smaller, just stop at any lower row.

R15: sc throughout (78)
R16: tr into front loop of each sc, sl st to close (78)
R17: sc into back loop of the tr and into the back loop of the last row of grey stitches to create a
ridge (78)
R18-22: sc around, sl st to close (78)

If you need it taller, you can add more rows here

R23: tr into front loop of each sc, sl st to close (78)
R24: sc into back loop of the tr and into the back loop of the last row of brown stitches to create
a ridge (78)

Tie off and weave in any ends

Horns (make 2)

Start with white yarn. Make a magic circle.
R1: sc 4 into circle (4)
R2: sc, inc, sc , inc (6)
R3: sc, inc, sc 2, inc, sc (8)
R4 & 5: sc 8 (8)
R6: sc, inc, sc 3, inc, sc 2 (10)
R7: sc 10 (10)
R8: sc, inc, sc 4, inc, sc 3 (12)
R9-10: inc, sc 4, invdec, sc 5 (12)
Change to grey yarn.
R11: sc throughout (12)

It is recommended to stuff the horns so that they keep their shape. If you don't have the craft stuffing, you can use anything from cotton, tissue, plastic bag, or scrap clothes. Just make sure it's the same colour with the horns!

Things that never fail to make me laugh

1. "Attention, attention!" in Russian.

My boyfriend doesn't think it's that hilarious, but since the first time I hear it in Irony of Fate, every time I hear anybody says "внимание" I will just burst out laughing. I'm not laughing cos it's stupid, but because it sounds so cute. In fact, it's my most favourite Russian word as of today. No matter if it's 40°C during my worse period, the word never fails to make me laugh.
You can hear how it's pronounced through Google translate. I should never move to Russia, cos I will burst out laughing randomly in train stations, airports, or the malls!

2. Pharaoh of the Fish

This Vine clip by Adnan Mansoor:

3. The "nacho friends" jokes

The first one goes like this:

What do you call a cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese.

The second variation goes longer:

There were 2 corn chips, and they were friends. They were in school together, and they were playing on the playground together. One chip thought the other chip was being unfair. And he told him, "I don't think you are being fair. I'm your friend, why aren't you being fair?" And the other chip was like, "I don't think you know me." And the other chip was like, "Let's just TACO bout it."
And then the other chip was like, "No, I'm NACHO friend."

4. 'Forgiveness' by Anna Farris

No explanation needed for this:

5. This cat

I'm gonna adopt a cat just to train it to sing YEAAAAAH..

What are some of the things that always cheer you up?

19 Oct 2013

The hurtful things he says

"You're too selfish."

"You have no integrity."

"You don't have the ability to care about other people."

"You only think about yourself."
"You're so childish."
"You don't plan for your life."

And my unspoken defense is just this.

I was never one for pretenders.

Everything I tried to be, just wouldn't settle in.

If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?

Can I clear my conscience, if I'm different from the rest?

Do I have to run and hide?

“There are five possible operations for any army.
If you can fight, fight. If you cannot fight, defend.
If you cannot defend, surrender.
If you cannot surrender, flee. If you cannot flee, die.”

- Sima Yi

R+L

"This was going to be the most exciting voyage of our lives. 

To go West. I have dreamed of it many times 

and in my dreams we are always together."

- Lagertha of Vikings.

Secrets of INFJ

From: Article 10 secrets of the INFJ

The INFJ is the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. People who identify as INFJs are deeply complex individuals.

Awh.. stop it you. So proud that I'm an INFJ. Didn't know I was such a spuhsial snowflake.

Bad news, though, INFJs are borderline psychopaths.
So I guess it's good that there are so few of us.

They’re like onions — they have many layers. The more you get to know them, the more layers you’ll discover, all the while moving further inward toward the core of their true self. They may not show all the aspects of their personality to the world, instead keeping some parts hidden for only a chosen few people they trust.

Too bad not many appreciate us. Who's got the time to peel off so many layers, am I rite?
Honestly, though, we're like onions more because when you ever decide to cut us, you won't be able to stop crying.

So what are some of the less obvious aspects of the INFJ personality?

1. INFJs feel profoundly misunderstood. INFJs have a unique outlook on life. Because of their dominant function, introverted intuition, they often know information without knowing how or why they know it.
This unique ability, which is the primary way the INFJ functions in the world, can be difficult to explain to other people, says personality profiler Antonia Dodge, who co-owns Personality Hacker. Often INFJs give up trying to explain their ability (or don’t try at all, because they know how unusual it sounds), which leaves them feeling isolated and misunderstood.

I'm an vampire-elf and I can read your minds, mwahahaha..

2. INFJs absorb other people’s emotions. No other Myers-Briggs personality type has this unique ability. Some INFJs even report absorbing the emotions of strangers, says Dodge. An INFJ suddenly may feel grumpy, only to look around the room and discover a grumpy-looking person has just walked in. The closer the relationship to the INFJ, like a spouse or best friend, the more likely it is that the INFJ will absorb that person’s emotions and mental state.
This can be overwhelming to the INFJ at times, but this ability also can be used to bring emotional healing and comfort to others. “The ability to unconsciously absorb other people’s emotions with very little information to go on — how is that not a super power?” says Dodge. “They have the ability to get inside the suffering of others and tell them it’s going to be OK.”

Hm.. I thought INFPs are more absorbent than us.
Guess that's why I try not to be friends with idiotic people. Or the dramatic ones. Or the expressive ones. Or just any one.

3. INFJs have amazing long-range forecasting abilities. Their introverted intuition function makes them future-oriented. When they meet someone new, they often can predict where the relationship will go, says Joel Mark Witt, co-owner with Dodge of Personality Hacker. “They’ll often cut themselves off from having casual relationships,” says Witt, if they don’t think that the relationship is going to bring the desired outcome.

And this is why I don't have friends LOL

4. Even though they are “feelers,” INFJs can easily access their “thinking” ability. In fact, INFJs often mistype as “thinkers.” Although they are people-oriented, they may see themselves as analytical and scientific, and they may enjoy careers such as computer programing or accounting. Because their “feeling” process is second in their functional stack and their “thinking” process is third, those two processes are more balanced than those of dominant feelers such as ENFJs, who lead with their “feeling” process.

Jokes aside, this is mainly what separate us INFJs with INFPs. We are dreamers, but we know how to keep the dreams in our heads and face the reality as it is. Sorry, INFPs.

5. One of their greatest strengths is their ability to create intimacy with other people. Despite sometimes appearing quiet and reserved to casual acquaintances, INFJs are actually extremely relational. Because they can feel other people’s pain and joy, they are able to truly walk in another person’s shoes, like no other personality type can. This ability to empathize creates strong bonds of intimacy, says Dodge.

Yeaaah.. all or nothing. Which is baffling for many extroverts. Oh look, point number 6:

6. INFJs are truly introverts. When they feel comfortable around a person, or if they’re fighting for a cause in which they truly believe, INFJs can be mistaken for extroverts. Yet INFJs are true introverts who prefer to have a small social circle, and they require plenty of downtime alone to recharge their “introvert batteries.”

Please don't ever tell an INFJ: "Oh, the weather is so good today." All of our sarcastic muscle will start tingling.

7. INFJs are sensitive. INFJs seek harmony in their relationships, so anytime conflict arises — especially in close relationships — INFJs can become very bothered and lose focus. They may feel the stress and tension of conflict physically in their bodies. They often take criticism personally.

Yeah. My simple solution is to cut of these negative things and people from my life. My same new year's resolution every year: Don't bother doing things that make me unhappy. Stay away from people who makes me unhappy.

8. INFJs know a lot about other people. Not even they know how they know so much, nor will they reveal the depth of their knowledge, says Dodge.

It actually surprises me how much people don't know about each other or about themselves. I just found out that apparently a lot of things that are obvious to me are actually not that obvious.
There are many times when I meet new people and I thought "omg this guy is bad news, better stay away" or "omg such a great character, hope we can be friends for a long time", then I will turn to my friend and said what I thought... and I'd get a "How do you know that?? That's assumption. You're overthinking it." And I'll tell him/her, "How do you NOT know that?? It's so obvious." Then we both get confused.

9. Many relationships are one-sided for INFJs. Nicknamed “the counselor” personality type, the INFJ is a skilled active listener who truly cares about other people and helping them with their problems. Unfortunately, this results in many of the INFJ’s relationships becoming one-sided. What INFJs really desire, says Witt, is for other people to return the favor of taking the time to listen to them and truly understand them.

Fortunately, not my better half (see point 10), but with other relationships, yeah more or less spot on.

10. INFJs are looking for their soul mates. These are friends or a significant other with whom INFJs connect deeply. Because of their introversion, their unique outlook on life, and their desire for authentic relationships, INFJs may struggle to create the kind of relationships they desire. When they do find people with whom they truly connect, it feels almost miraculous.

Found mine, and we tolerate each other more than we tolerate other people. When things get rough and we feel like we can't or won't tolerate each other anymore (aka going our separate ways), I'd peek through the windows, see all the stupidity around me, and would decide that I'm better off sticking with him than with anyone else XD

12 April 2016

Crimson Peak

Ok, first of all, DISCLAIMER: Of course this is going to be super biased, this is MY opinion of the movie.

I can't believe this movie is only 6.5 in IMDB. This movie is so beautifully shot and within the first few minutes I just knew that Guillermo del Toro is behind it (yeah I didn't read about it beforehand). The distinctive camera and lighting works are there.

Fair enough, I'm only giving it 8 out of 10. I rarely give any movie 10, because 10 is perfection and perfection is rare. I had to further minus one point because the storyline is a tad predictable. BUT it doesn't diminish how beautiful the movie is. And I'm not only talking about the cinematography. The costume, the script, the morality questions, the philosophical message... are all thought through and blended beautifully.

And the details of it, ho my, the more I think about them, the more fascinated I am. Pay attention to the background, little details of the sounds, the words chosen --the word 'beautiful' keeps popping in my mind to describe this movie.

I didn't want to watch it earlier because I'm not really a fan of Mia Wasikowska. She only has that one expression and always play that misunderstood innocence. She's also part of the -1 that I can't give the movie a 9. But Tom Hiddlesont is there, who can deny his acting skills? And I only lately realised that Jessica Chastain is a gem too. So I finally watched it (a long Easter weekend helped too). And ho boy, did they deliver. The acting, their acting is soooo underrated. Tom Hiddleston can look at a tree, tell it that he loves it, and that tree will fall in love with him.

"I feel as if a link exists between your heart and mine,
and should that link be broken, either by distance or by time,
then my heart would cease to beat and I would die."

And Jessica Chastain.. the whole time I keep thinking she's Eva Green. She carries that looming darkness so subtly yet so intensely. I get chills just remember her character. Her character is one of those that you knew something is wrong with her, your guts keep telling you to run away from her, but you can't pinpoint why. We all have such people in our real lives. But to convey this in a fictional character is another story, and to do it so convincingly is just absolutely amazing.

(Beside acting, remember when she tricked Michael Fassbender into breakdancing? What a gem. God bless her soul).

I'm not gonna talk about the plot points of the movie. Cos I'm lazy and this post is getting too long. All I can say is, it's so seldom a movie delivers a perfect balance of horror and romance, thriller, and love.
You gotta watch the movie and experience them yourselves. There are many bad reviews that saying it's not really a horror movie, and therefore it's a failed movie. Well, it's not, cos that's not the point of the movie. Go watch it and see it for yourself. If you appreciate subtlety and beauty, you will love this movie.

Westlife wearing batik

Where has this photo been whole my life?

Ok, it's not real. But who says we can't make it real? 
Brb, going to post office, sending Kian a batik shirt.

Keep SHANE on!

Shane Filan from Westlife is coming to Singapore!
He's been doing a promotional tours, just going for interviews with local TV and radio channels.
Oh how I miss the Irish sweetness!

Here's one of the interviews he went on:

At minute 4.23, Shane said that the song My Love reminds him of Singapore.
BUT, SHANE! That song reminds me of Ireland. That's literally my Ireland anthem.

See, we have connection there.

Somehow.

Funny how life works. My Ireland song reminds Shane of Singapore. I don't know if I should cry or laugh.

A message from Unicorn Rockstar

Got a magical message from a Unicorn Rockstar the other day. Would be a shame if I don't share it.

(verse 1)
pain is forever, I feel it everyday
don't you get it boo?
i try to talk to but the words won't say
help me to help you boo

(bridge)
netflix is forever
illegally watching it to get over
youuu

(chorus)
i eat the food you left in the fridge
i turned the TV on but can't find the switch
you don't love me so i'm going to the bridge
to find the map to you heart i need a hitch

(verse 2)
i stalk you hard on your websites
trying to be romantic but i don't feel right
do you know how it feels like boo?
to love a love that don't love me, boo

(bridge)
netflix is forever
illegally watching it to get over
chuuuuu

(chorus)
i eat the food you left in the fridge
i turned the TV on but can't find the switch
you don't love me so i'm going to the bridge
to find the map to you heart i need a hitch

Birthday wish

To somebody who owns her own world. 
To somebody who’s intelligent yet insane. 
And quoting Vincent van Gogh, "however meaningless and vain, however dead life appears, the man of faith, of energy, of warmth.. steps in and does something and hangs on to that." 

2017 must have a hard year for you but never forget the sweet memories too. 
You are your own wonder woman. 
The millennial Viking that survives the apocalypse of heartbreak. 
Life is full of uncertainty. 
Uncertainty is like opening your eyes wide in the dark then closing them hard and then opening them again just to be blinded by the sparkling silver dots created from pressure on the corneas. 
Squint, roll, focus, then you’re blind again. 
But, at least you saw the light somehow. 

I'm going a bit off track right now but here I am wishing you a calming day. 
You're the friend I never asked for but a God's send. 
Thank you for being my thunder in the storm.

xoxo, 
Your Rockstar

I have a tweenage sister (TS) who told me before that she liked Justin Bieber. I almost cut off ties with her, except I still need her to get me water once in a while.
THEN my brother introduced her Taylor Swift. NOT the first few albums, but the "Look What Made Me Do" Taylor Swift. I almost cut ties with him, except we never meet anyway since he lives in Bangkok.

But this week, when I was home my TS asked me:

TS: Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Me: Yeah, I'm a big fan. Why?
TS: I like their new song *played "Believer" on her mobile phone*
Me: Oooh... my baby sister...

Forlorn

-Alexander the Great

When I die, I will donate my body for a university or a hospital. You know, for research purposes.

But I still want a funeral.

But instead of my body, the coffin should be filled with glitter. And that's how I will live forever.

"What if"

Some people say, the saddest phrase in this life is "what if".

What if we didn't take that chance?

What if we did take that chance but it turns out bad?

What if we loved, but lost?
What if we never loved?

From: We_Are_Ragnar

We'll never know. Nobody can know.

Hephaistion said: Greatness comes to those who take and never regret.

To be great, or simply to have what we want, we must be willing to lose something.

But Alexander replied: All greatness comes from loss.

In this life, it's all a mere balance of getting and letting go.

So take that chance. 

Lose that love.      Love that lost.

It's ok to lose something.

It's ok to regret something.

But don't hold on to it.

"Don't waste your time looking back.

You're not going that way."

"Life is just death in slow motion."

- Lewis Black, Comedy Central UK