Red

Here's a song by Jordan Catalano, written either about the girl he's been liking... or about his car.

I was going nowhere, going nowhere fast.
Drowning in my memories, living in the past.
Everything looks dark till I found her.
She's all that I need now, that's what I said.
Oooh ooh ooh, I call her red.
I call her red.

She's my shelter from the storm.
She's the place to rest my head.
Late at night she keeps me safe and warm.
I call her red.. I call her red.

Do you want conspiracy with that theory?

Remember I told you about all those conspiracy theories the other day? Well, I got it going again lately. Can't help it.. everyday life is boring. Conspiracy theories are fun, help me to escape this boring and dull life i'm living. I found this website that basically talks about Fremasonry/Illuminati symbolism in pop culture. At first, it talks about Lady Gaga being a newbie to Illuminati and now she's currently a vigour campaigner of the club. Of course that's very interesting for me, especially when i found her lyrics are bizarre (I'm into songs lyrics too, btw).

So I keep reading and one thing lead to another, and I stumbled on the same website an article on the website that talk about 2009 VMA and how it is only a huge hidden occult ceremony. The writer of the article can really explain phase by phase why he thinks it is a huge stage hidden occultism. It's all logical.

I was so excited. Then I tried to tell my bf about it. You know how fun it is when you're excited about something, you tell someone, then you both discuss about it. I think it's not guys thing. All I got from my bf was "Why are you reading these things?" with why-are-you-reading-these-things-get-a-life look. I have a friend that also into these things with me, and, when we have the chance, always discuss it for hours. But he's doing his final year project now, so he doesn't really have time now. Ooh..how I miss times like that sometimes..

Anyway, I realize I ramble pointlessly in this post (more pointless than ever). Just want to let you know of the existence of these conspiracy theories (but, of course, it's just for fun). So I guess I'll just end your misery right here.

It's always the 'why' that trigger people.

For the people I love, and who claimed that they love me, and asked why am I such an abhorrent person:

"Cos you don't love me the way I want you to."

One hundred million things

Feel so empty lately. I think it must be a hype or a contagious disease or something cos everyone I know is feeling the same too. Or maybe it's just a natural part of growing up (if it's not quite obvious, I'm being sarcastic).

"Seems I'm not alone in being alone..

"Tried to write new poems, cos usually that what I do to get things out of my chest. But all that I can think of is just random sentences that don't quite related to one another. Like a box of all the wrong pieces of puzzle. It's all doesn't make sense.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was so driven. New drive to experience new things, being a new better person.

"I try to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. 
I know now, this is who I really am inside."

Driven to study, to meet new friends, organize some events, do some volunteering. It's all gone now. It's all feel pointless. Study fees hard to find, what's the point of wasting thousands of dollars? I can't even keep my old friends, let alone fine new ones. Events are just a waste of money and energy. There are many others ready to do or already doing the things need volunteering. I'm just another drop in the ocean, another face you pass in the crowd, another existence wasted.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was happy. I was a part of a group made of smart people, who do things for others, to contribute. I was a part of a dynamic class, people who come to class in time, respect their lecturers, do their homework. Now I am only a part of power-hungry people who don't even know how to change their own diapers. A classmate of people who come an hour late for the class, and roll their eyes and stick their tongues at the lectures, slam the door at the lecturer when she told them they're not allowed to switch tutorial group.
I want to go back to that happy times. Happy.. like Alexander said, only when you look back do you know that was the happiness. There it was, in the past. You're too late.

[Another reason why you shouldn't take things, right here right now, for granted].

Just finished watching a (really) long movie about Hitler [or some call it a really truly miniseries], thanks Mr. Matahari for generously lending me his DVD. Still, I don't understand what's with this guy, why did he hate Jews so much. I never really read anything on him, never really want to. I watched the movie, there's only one emotion that I feel (out of him and on myself): hatred. Why was Hitler so full of hatred? His life was bad, yes, but there are many who had worse (Nelson Mandela, for one) who turned out to be just alright, or even became a messenger of peace.

It's not easy, of course, to understand how these great people think. I read so many books and articles on Alexander the Great, before I finally see a glimpse of what motivates him: his father. Both admiration and hatred for the father. But still, that's just my conclusion. The real thing, who'd ever know..

On another perspective, both Hitler and Alexader made good leaders. People were afraid of them, maybe, but most of them gladly supported them. Why? I heard leadership is about influence. What made both Hitler and Alexander (plus Genghis Khan, Obama, Cleopatra, you name it) so influential? What made them good leaders? Compassion for their followers? I'm not sure for Hitler, and I'm suspicious not for Napoleon as well. Their great visions? Maybe, but how did they convinced their followers? Ah..so many questions of how and why..

What keeps them going is more complicated. Ambition? Glory? Pride? Greed (like one of my friends said)? A yearn for a change? ..Hatred? Alexander fought on in his war in India when he severly wounded. Achilles (even though he's a mere myth) went to Greek even though it meant he won't live long enought to come back home. Cleopatra's willing to be called Caesar's whore just to keep Egypt safe and strong. And, back to Hilter.. even though he's imprisoned, he kept going on.
Oh, well, I guess it's different for each person, what keeps them going on in their little journey called life.

So.. what keeps YOU going? ;)

Those 5Cs..

There is this special term in Singapore to see if a guy is worth marrying or not: does he have 5Cs? It stands for Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium, and membership(s) of Country club [sometimes the package comes with additional C: child(ren)]. Like any other sarcastic joke, noone can tell for sure when or how did the term start. But, to put it simply, it shows you what kind of things that these people values. They think that by having these things (or having the person who have these things), their lives would be easier. But, oh well, who am I to comment on it.. Move on to the next topic..

Singaporeans indeed should start to worry about 5Cs these days, but not the usual ones, but the ones that everybody has a share, no matter from which economy status they come from: the 5 degree celcius, that is. Ok, maybe not exactly 5°C, but you know what I mean. The increase in temperature that's happening lately. This is not an essay, so I won't give you facts and figures or literature references. But you know you can feel it. The temperature is rising.
Weather reports might show projection about the topic, the government might deny it, and experts might living in denial . But can your skin deny it (it's an interesting word, deny is, try to repeat it 7 times in your mind)? Step outside of your house or office, and feel it for yourself.

Then what's the point of my post this time? There's no point, I just want to rant how freaking hot can this place be! Is it really nearing the 2012? I hope August comes soon

Money, money, money..

Soundtrack of the day: Money, Money, Money by Abba

So I had a fight with a CERTAIN SOMEONE (if you know me, it's quite obvious who that someone is. The only person whom I'm willing to, and can, fight with), few days ago. Can't remember whether it's Sunday or Monday night.
It's so ridiculous. Everything was started just because he ask if he's really an extreme person (as in when he believes something). So I said yes, because when he likes something he keeps repeating that something till he bleeds (or you do).
It was because he fought with his current gf and still can't get over his previous one. And it's all because he's too controlling till the point compulsiveness. Hence, he's an extreme person.

From the question, he moved on saying he's feeling angry every time someone is rude or not respectful to someone older. I replied, I don't care if someone is older, if that someone is rude, of course I won't be polite to him.
That's when the argument goes to my dad. I said I don't respect him cos, first of all, he doesn't respect me and second of all, cos he doesn't respect himself. [I said many more other things, but I shouldn't say it here. If you'd like to know, call me].
Long story short, from there he started to accuse me, 'That's your problem, you're one rude person.' And started to list my sins from 10 years ago. That's including my mom's perception (who is not on earth anymore since 6.5 years ago, btw) and my dad's opinion. Including why I wasn't or am not respected by my family: because I was a liar.

Which he concluded by saying, 'Do you know why I didn't transfer you money last month? Because you're being disobedient. I told you so many times to clean up the room, but you just wouldn't. 'I learnt from David D'Angelo [a devil he worships] that you shouldn't be too nice to girls. When she starts to be disobedient, you should punish her. One thing that I learnt from dad is that your weakness is money, everytime I give you less money, you'll be nice to me. So I didn't give you money.'

He can go to hell with that. First, I'm impudent, then I'm a liar, now I'm materialistic. All of the three, I take the most insult in the last one. I answered him, "That's precisely why I don't respect you, and dad. You try to control people. And the more you try to be less like dad, the more you grow up exactly like him."
What I meant was, my dad is also a worshipper of money and power. He'd sold me if that means people will think he's awesome.

I share this because I want people (at least those who's reading this) to know, to learn, to understand the lesson of the story:
Come on, how many thousands of times has it been said? How many times more do you need to hear it? Money can't buy happiness. And you bet that money can't buy family.
The most valuable things in this world, you gotta earn. EARN, not buy [well, sometimes you're given, like love. But, again, you don't -can't- buy]. You want respect? Be respectful, earn it.
You want to be respected? Respect other people first.
And remember, the love of money is the root of all evil^. Remember, not the money itself, but it's THE LOVE of money that is evil. Be careful.

Happy Easter Day!

It's Easter day.. I want to dedicate the greetings especially to:
Novi Triana, Rosiana, Adeline, Selamat, Tomy and Tony,
Inez, Felix, Novi Rusli, Ine, Rachel,
and Alfin.

Hope we don't forget the meaning of Easter. The following song is very sweet, just right to describe our faith and hopefully reminds us always about it:



Here is another version, just as good:

The joy of a child

There's one story in 'Friends' the TV series, where Phoebe and Rachel went jogging together. Rachel later finds out that Phoebe has a weird way of running. And when I say weird, it's WEIRD, with hands all over the place and legs going apart from each other.
When confronted about this, Phoebe says she just run the way she did as a child, careless and free.

Kinda true at some point.
As we grow older, what we care is how people will see us, what people might think, what people might say. But we're missing the point.
For example, when SOME girls are going swimming, what they think about is, which bikini they should wear, what color, what model, are they slim enough, do they push the bikini pad enough, how should they tie their hair. In the end they didn't swim at all, but merely sitting around at the beach or at the side of the pool -to show off their bods, bikini and hair (or maybe that's their purpose from the beginning).

I have a little sister who's only 3 years and a half now. Whenever we say we're going to the beach, she'll jump to the door and ready to go. Sometimes, she doesn't even give a damn if she hasn't wiped her mouth from her lunch spread.
She doesn't jump to the front of the mirror, or to her closet to pick the best swimming suit or beach wear. Because children still stick to the real meaning of things: if we go to the swimming pool, we swim. If we go to the beach, we swim, we play with sand, we get dirty (not that kind of dirty, pervs out there).

So, moral of the story today: don't fret over what people want to say. As long as your conscience is clear, just do whatever you need to do. Don't be fake. And don't lose meaning of things. Do your things because you like to, because you're enjoying yourself. Not because it's the hip/cool/popular thing to do.

Btw, in the end, Rachel follow Phoebe's running style ;)

Tying the knot is suffocating

SotD: Underappreciated by Christina Aguilera.

Actually, I want this title to be the title of the book that I will write in the future. But 'future' is a a faraway place.
So here, I'll give you, few lucky people, a sneak peek to my future book.

When I was younger (well, I'm still young *ahem*), I made a promise to myself that I won't get married. I told that to a few close friends who quickly exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" As usual, secret spreads fast. So soon enough, most of my classmates knew about it (can't help it, I was so popular *cough*). And they all exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" Usually, I would answer, 'why should I?' But they wouldn't take that for an answer. That's how the idea of writing the book come about.

I started to list to myself all the reasons why I don't want to get married. I surprised myself: there are so many reasons. As this is a sneak peek, I'll only tell you one of the reasons (anyway, it'd be too long if I tell you everything and you won't read till the end): I don't believe in marriage.
Come on, who are we kidding? Why do people these days get married? Ask that to Westerners, they'd say, "cos we love each other". What's love? They'll stare at you blankly.
Ask that to Asians, they'd say, "cos we have to, if not, the family line won't go on". Now I'm the one who stare at them blankly.

Marriage should be a commitment. But what a does commitment mean when they can break it by divorce? It's only make the commitment more expensive. And worse when they already have kid(s). They stay together because they have to, not because they want to. It's a thing I hate to do, those must-do things. Well, when the arranged marriages were a trend, the couple had to stay together. But then, they accept it and they learn to love each other. Or at least, they learn to accept each other.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because I keep meeting horrible guys. I have one faboulous boyfriend, one wise god-brother or two, and a couple of great guy friends. But still, I don't believe in marriage. If we can keep our love strong for a lifetime, we don't need a label titled 'marriage' to stick us together.

If you still don't understand the whole thing I'm saying, this reason is described just right by 'Underappreciated', a song by Christina Aguilera (oh Christina.. still my hero). Old song, but in a way reminds me (still) why i don't want to get married.
Oh, the reason is also pictured nicely by the movie '500 Days of Summer', from Summer's perspective.

"Eagles fly alone." -AtG