An inception of an idea

Had a chat with one of my close friends today. I don’t know what got into him when he suddenly said, “How about you created a blog that completely dedicated to write about your boyfriend alone?” My first reaction was, “Are you crazy?” cos the sweet things that I wrote about my bf in my private diary will surely make even Shakespeare blushes and the bad things I wrote about him would make him enrage. Besides, I already have ten blogs under me (literally, which half of them I never updated anymore).

However, after one, two blank blinks, I actually think it’s a good idea. It would be a memento, a white board, and a decoder at the same time. A memento for myself, that decades from now, I’ll be able to look back and remember how much I’ve been loved and how much I’ve loved. A white board for other girls out there, to learn from my love story and decide for themselves, what kind of guy they should choose to accompany them in their life journey. A decoder for guys who keeps saying that girls are difficult to understand, so by reading my blog, they’ll see a relationship from a girl’s perspective.

So I’ve been thinking about it all the way home from my campus. I decided that I’d titled it Journey on Mars. No, not a plagiarism from 30 Seconds to Mars, although they are an inspiration. I just don’t want the title to be mushy like The Love of My Life or random like the one my friend recommended: Zee Zho Zhall Zot Ze Zamed (from He-Who-Shall-Not-be-Named). Just something easy to remember, artistic, and represent the purpose of the blog.

So.. look out. The Journey will start anytime soon. Thanks, kid, sometimes you’re quite inspirational too (translation: kadang2 loe pinter jg yah).

Hot and cold

Really, honestly, truly? There are only two things I want to see before I die, and they're the opposite of one another. Two of the most magnificent things on earth. One is of nature, one is of mankind. Both are mysterious. Both are my absolute favorite things on earth, yet I haven't seen both for real.

When I was younger, I had this friend whom I made scrapbook with. And in the book, we called ourselves 'winter girl' and 'summer girl' :D Guess which one am I? ;)

I've learnt..

..it's important to reply what other people leave on your Facebook wall.

Otherwise, there could be misunderstandings and sometimes, it could be hurtful.

Yep, that's how much Facebook has changed our lives.

Cherish everyone that walks by your life (even the annoying ones!), cos someday, they might walk away and you'd never see them again.

..life should be like train: it has a purpose, it knows where it's going and it has the motion needed to reach that destination.

- as been said by Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged

It's expensive to be a woman..

..when you're happy, you want to celebrate with shopping.

..when you're sad, you want to cheer yourself up with shopping.

..when you're bored, you want to fill your time with shopping.

..when you're sick, you want to make yourself feel better with shopping.

But don't worry boys, SOME girls actually know how to earn their own money to spend (and some boys actually ask money from them).

Mrs. vs Mistress

I had a dream last night. I think I read Atlas Shrugged too much; too obsessed. The dream was very much like the lame Korean TV series (sorry for those who's insulted), but nevertheless affected my mood in the morning. Esp. when I'm not a morning person and I'm pretty much bored in this glorious Saturday.

Anyway, the gist of the dream was, my bf in the real world -Z- was actually married and I'm just his mistress. In the dream, I had an illness and was dying (told ya it's like Korean TV dramas!). Ironically, Z's wife was my friend but she didn't know about our affair and she's the one who came to my house to take me to hospital. When I was in her car, Z was there, with their children too. But Z refused to talk to me, or even acted like he knew me at all.

It feels so sad. You know how the feelings are real even though it's just a dream. And it got me thinking, I used to think that it's better to be mistress (no arguments yet, please):

Wife: Clean up the house, take care of the kids, cook, wash, iron, deal with the in-laws, live at the mercy of monthly allowance from the husband, no time to dress up and exercise > accused of being ugly slob.. *the list goes on*

Mistress: Need only to attend to the guy once in a while, have time for career and exercise and shop, get expensive stuffs and gifts from the guy, no need to attend to the in-laws.

Well, you get the idea. But of course, I know better now. The above statements work only when you don't love the guy. When you do love the guy, it's miserable to be the second lady -or nobody at all, depends on the mercy of the guy. Imagine the feeling of being abandoned when you need him and how he won't recognize you in public. Imagine the torment (esp. when you're dying like in my dream)!

So remember the next time you're in a cross-road of choices: don't ever want to be the number 2 and don't ever get involved with an attached guy. I can give you a long cliché reasons and arguments, but here's a short one: if you believe you deserve nothing less than the best things, don't.

Additions: Seems like this blog has aroused lots of strong opinions. I guess I have to straighten few things out. So don't complain if this most has become longer, you better read it all, you asked for it.
First of all, the reason why I mentioned Atlas Shrugged is cos there's a sideways story of the main character where she's become a so-called mistress. That particular story affected me so much that I kept thinking about it. And that's probably why I dreamt what I dreamt, cos when I read/watch something, I tend to think too much about it. When I think too much about it, I tend to dream about it.

Secondly, I said 'lame Korean dramas' just for the story line. I didn't compare or mix the two (Atlas Shrugged and Korean dramas) together; there's no way for me to do so. The story line of my dream is lame, but there's nothing lame about the feelings. Imagine you're at the edge of life and the person you love the most was there, but refuse to acknowledge you. It's not lame, it's heartbreaking.

Thirdly, let's not take life literally, shall we. 'Wife' or 'mistress' are just labels. Failure of human language; my bad. What I meant earlier was, being the mistress is being the number 2 (or beyond) in a guy's life. You could be married to him legally, have a ring with his name on it on your ring finger, but if he couldn't care less if you leave him anytime, then you're not more important than his job or his maid, therefore, you're just a mistress by definition.
Or on the other side, you both could be just 17 y.o., but he shares everything with you, from his dreams to his phobia, from his strengths to his weaknesses. Then you're already his "wife". Get it? Oh well, "if you don't understand, I can't explain it."

To be better than others is not special.
To be more open-minded is favorable.

To have more tolerance than others is rare.

To be objective is wise.

Hang on.. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say XD

The rich and the stupid

The summit of the rich

Was browsing one of my favorite websites the other day and stumble on an article of a meeting between two powerful people of different fields. One is from politics and one is from entertainment. Vladimir and Leonardo. Putin and DiCaprio.

Never even in my wildest dream I ever dreamt that these two guys will come together. Moreover, to talk about... tigers (but, of course they talked about many other things as well). Sounds like a prose by a hyper-imaginative kid on caffeine.

They whole time I was at the article, I just kept thinking the 'summit of the rich', how I wish I was among them. No, it's not the summit of the smart, even though they are. Rich defines is all. Because they rich from hardwork and their own doings, not merely from inheritance *coughparishiltoncough*. It takes a whole lot of brain to get that wealth.

For those of you who don't know Putin.. go grab a history book today! He was twice elected as President of Russia and is the current Prime Minister of the country. He speaks Russian, German, English, and the humble Tatar. He flies bomber jet. He used to work in KGB (Russian CIA). The list goes on, but let's stop here.

And then we have DiCaprio. The gorgeous DiCaprio.. You might only remember him as Romeo or Jack Dawson, but he's not just another pretty face in Hollywood *coughzacefroncough*. He has come a long way from eating Gilbert grape. Recently, he only plays in smart, thought-provoking movies like Blood Diamond, Shutter Island and Inception. He's spending a lot of his time and money for environmental causes.

The summit of the stupid

On the contrast, a few days ago, I attended a summit of the stupid. The story is, there's a bunch of people (to protect the guilty, I shall not name which bunch) that I've been avoiding. Didn't want to go anywhere near them. Things get complicated when "the leader of the pack" becomes my best friend's boyfriend. And she asked me to go out with them. I've been thinking that maybe -just maybe- I'm being prejudice, and that I should give it a chance.

Howeverrr.. as we were waiting for the bus, I found out that they're going cos it was raining and they couldn't play their sport game (again, I better not say which sport). And they started whining about it and throwing curses around.

There's 22,000 children die each day due to poverty, 1.8 million people die last year cos of AIDS. And half of this world is preparing for war. Nobody gives a -beep- about your game. I sure ******* don't.

One of them was even complaining that now that it's raining he can't go out cos he doesn't want to dirty his shoes. Now, this 'one' of those that always have bad grades and by that time, we're waiting for our grades to be announced and we have high suspicions that he'd fail yet another course.
so.. Dude, you're about to get expelled, and you're thinking about shoes. Seriously?

Call me proud, call me bitch, I don't care. At least I'm not one of them. I won't embarrassed myself by being seen with them ever again.

Have you ever love someone so much, you don't want to continue to do so cos it starts to hurt?

Tag

Not only does everything in life comes with a price tag, 

they also come with an expiry date.

Have you ever come across a song that brings back certain feelings, the exact feeling like when you heard it so many years ago? Imagine you 17 songs just like that, in a CD! It just happened to me and I overwhelmed with feelings! It's been so long, I've even forgotten half of the songs' titles but here they are, spicing up my life again.

Now, the history of the CD is interesting. When I was in high school in humble Batam island, it's difficult to come across your favorite song. You can only hear them in radio, while radio only plays the hits. So there's a friend of mind who was business-minded, who downloaded songs from the net and sell 17 songs in a CD for Rp. 10,000,- So I bought one from him, with my own chosen songs Why didn't I download them myself? Cos 1) I was bad with internet and 2) Batam was bad with internet. Why didn't I ask my fast-forward brother? Cos he's too busy to do it.
Anyway, here's the list of my chosen songs with bits of comments on some of them, just to share with you (recommended too, if you want to explore old songs).

1. Survivor by Destiny Child
2. The Call by Backstreet Boys

Hmmm just simply reminds me of how my dad always did the same thing and to reminds me to NOT do this kind of thing to anyone.

3. The One by Backstreet Boys

By same boyband, with almost the same title, but the story of the song is totally different from the previous one. This song is very special to me.. inspiring and triggering a fantasy ;)

4. Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne

Ah.. the glory of Avril Lavigne once upon a time. For me, this song isn't about ex-bf, more for 'a certain person' that should be supporting me morally, but "weren't there when I was scared".

5. Summertime of Our Lives by A1

A cheerful song, to cheer you up during the everlasting summer in Asia.

6. Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes

This song is special cos it's the soundtrack of a movie, Coyote Ugly. The movie is not particulary awesome or anything, but it hold a personal sentiment for me.

7. The Real Slim Shady by Eminem

Eminem.. Eminem.. what can I say? Love him, hate him. But you can't deny that he's talented. Or should I say f****ing talented?

8. No More by A1

The media mad a huge fuss about this song, that year (2001, if I remember correctly) cos the video was filmed in Singapore. And you can imagine how fussy the Singaporean media had been..

9. Like a Virgin by Madonna

Never liked Madonna, but song was also triggered by a fuss: In VMA 2003, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera sang it before Madonna turned up and kissed them onstage.

10. Graduation (Friend Forever) by Vitamin C

This is our graduation song T.T we asked where will be when we're 25, and now we're closing in finding the answer..

11. I Love It When We Do by Ronan Keating
12. Ain't That a Kick in the Head by Westlife
13. The Way You Make Me Feel by Ronan Keating.

Lovely song. Hopefully I can make someone feel that way (sounds impossible XD).

14. Life for Rent by DiDo

If you're a tad melancholy and into philosophy, and in for an emo song, listen to the song.

15. Stuck in My Heart by C21

Such a sweet, sweet song. I know the band is kinda lame, just another boyband. But the song sounds so sweetly sincere.

16. Coming Home Now by Boyzone

I don't know why, but this song makes me think of Ireland. Some years ago, I wanted so bad to go to Ireland. Well, I still do, but not as bad.

17. Jangan Ganggu Banci by Project Pop

If you understand Indonesian, this song is HIL-LA-RIOUS. Have a listen. Made my day just to remember the song.

Seems like this one is such a long post *lol* Oh well, just want to share something's that dear to me. Happy exploring!

Hitchhiker’s Guide to Venus

Reading the Guide for Safe Dating for Men, I feel like I have to write something to set few things straight. After all, not all females are air stewardess, florist, or sex therapist. But anyway, this post isn’t that related to that one. So, how many times have you heard guys said that it’s so difficult to please a girl, that girls are so complicated? That’s what I’ve been hearing and buzzing louder in my ears louder lately.

For simplicity's sake, I’ll use 'us' as the representative of girls/females and 'you' as the representative of males. Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, nothing like that goddammed deAngelo, so what I write here by no means ever went through any research. It’s all just based on my observation and my experiences as one of those complicated creatures call the females.
We’re not simple, but we’re not that difficult as well. There's only one rule to keep a girl yours forever: make her the center of your world. Or at least make her think so. Now, the question of ‘how’ that's have different answers for different girl. Hence, that’s why you often hear that girls are difficult to please or to understand. Well, it’s because there's no one-size-fits all tricks to keep us happy. And let me tell you the annoying truth: we don’t know what we want either, most of the time. That’s why no need to ask us what do we want, cos that won’t work.

“A lady never knows what she might need.” Lady Ashley of Australia

But don’t be disheartened just yet. Just by always remembering the fact that we, girls, love that you worship us, you can avoid unnecessary broken plates and broken hearts. Here are a few samples of scenarios that might happen:

If she asks you to read a book, for Ares’ sake, just read it. If you’re not a reader and are too lazy to read, just read the summary somewhere in the internet or ask someone who has read it. Anything. Just make sure that you know what the book is about and know what to say when she talks about the book. If she buys you a book, READ IT. Even though you read one line a day, READ IT. You know what they say, no matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And you also know what they say, “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” (Joan Crawford).

Now, we know girls like to talk. But when your girl says ‘I want to tell you something’, perk your ears. Drop everything you’re holding, look at her. Your life might depend on it.
Another way to show us that you care is by being jealous. That’s right, be jealous of your girl. Some independent girl might tell you that she likes it that you never jealous of her. That it's cool that you trust her so much. Bla bla bla. Let me tell you. If you want to keep her, you better be jealous of her, at least once every full moon. Even werewolves need to be unleashed every once in a while to stay healthy. It’s like jealousy in a relationship. When you never question when she goes out with her bunch of friends, she’d conclude you don’t care. When you don’t question when she goes out with her best male friend.. uh oh..

Oh, there’s another thing I need to clear up. Men like to accuse us of being cruel by making them jealous. It’s not that we deliberately want to hurt you, we just want to see you care. Or simply take revenge cos you’ve been cruel to us by not being jealous.

“The problem with most men is they're assholes. The problem with most women is they put up with those assholes.” - Cher

也许你不会懂, 从你说爱我以后,
我的天空星星都亮了.

-童话

Did you check the mail today?
There might be a letter from me to you.
Telling you that I've been missing you.
That I'll walk miles and miles to meet you.
And I have. Only to find that you're not there.

Did you check the mail today?
I've been feeling lonely and all I wanted was to talk to you.
I called and you didn't pick up.
I sent a message and I never know if you received it.
So I sent a mail, but I guess you didn't check the mail box as well.

Now I realized..       You just don't care, you leave me alone like the letter in the box.

Totally random..

Just some of my favourite movies:

Requiem for a Dream
"I love you, Harry. You make me feel like a person. Like I'm me... and I'm beautiful." 

Closer
"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world."

10,000 BC
"Some truths do not survive the ages."

Number 23
"There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones, the ones that define us as people."

Shutter Island
"Did you know that the word 'trauma' comes from the Greek for 'wound'? Hm? And what is the German word for 'dream'? Traum. Ein Traum."

iFever

Have you heard the news? iPad was released and iPhone 4 is going to be released soon.

So, there's iSync, iTunes, iWork, iWeb, iMac, iPod Touch, iPhone, iPod Shuffle, iPod Nano, back to iPhone. Did I mention iDVD, iMovie, iPhoto, iDisk? And.. oh, iPhone one more time. Then let's not forget the most majestic of them all, the iPad.

[Wait right there, if you expect this to be a review of the technology, there's no such thing here. You'd only find my rants].
There are two things that bother me here, as much as I like Apple and worship Steve Jobs:

First, Apple is known for their creativity of inventing new things and make their customers believe that they need those things. Then, WHY THE HECK CAN'T THEY INVENT A BETTER NAMING FOR THEIR PRODUCTS? It's starting to get on my nerves.

Second, like I said, Apple (or rather, Steve Jobs) is gifted in telling people that it has invented new things/technology and that they'd need those things. But do we really? Let's see in particular for this iPad thing..

First, the use. So it's a hybrid between a PDA and a laptop (or, how I see it, a PDA that stuck mid-way in its evolution to be a laptop). Was it not intended to be an ebook? Then why does it include a virtual keyboard, web browser, is heavy, and not something that's nicely fit our grip, especially in the toilet? Was it intended to replace laptop? If so, why can't it multitask, open Flash, and -although I heard rumors that it can run up to 10 hours- Jobs didn't mention anything about a strong battery life(time)?

Second thing, the price. The prices of iPad range is between US$ 400-850 which approximately S$ 700-1200. So we have a desktop at home, a laptop in the room, a handphone in the bag, an MP3 player in our pocket (a PDA in another pocket, for some people. An additional PSP in the bag, for some other people), do we really need to buy one more gadget that doesn't really have a special purpose in its life or a special place to fit in? This is what I call the conspiracy of consumerism, when the society backed (or brainwashed) by commercial companies to force poor people in that society "work in a job you hate, to buy stuff that you don't need," and finally, "to impress people that you don't like".

Welcome to the universe.

Oh well.. anyway, don't mind me.. The truth is, I'm just jealous that those Apple products are out of my league of budgeting. Now, go buy your futuristic keyboardless laptop.

Not said, not told, not shown.. but doesn't mean it doesn't exist..

Do you want conspiracy with that theory?

Remember I told you about all those conspiracy theories the other day? Well, I got it going again lately. Can't help it.. everyday life is boring. Conspiracy theories are fun, help me to escape this boring and dull life i'm living. I found this website that basically talks about Fremasonry/Illuminati symbolism in pop culture. At first, it talks about Lady Gaga being a newbie to Illuminati and now she's currently a vigour campaigner of the club. Of course that's very interesting for me, especially when i found her lyrics are bizarre (I'm into songs lyrics too, btw).

So I keep reading and one thing lead to another, and I stumbled on the same website an article on the website that talk about 2009 VMA and how it is only a huge hidden occult ceremony. The writer of the article can really explain phase by phase why he thinks it is a huge stage hidden occultism. It's all logical.

I was so excited. Then I tried to tell my bf about it. You know how fun it is when you're excited about something, you tell someone, then you both discuss about it. I think it's not guys thing. All I got from my bf was "Why are you reading these things?" with why-are-you-reading-these-things-get-a-life look. I have a friend that also into these things with me, and, when we have the chance, always discuss it for hours. But he's doing his final year project now, so he doesn't really have time now. Ooh..how I miss times like that sometimes..

Anyway, I realize I ramble pointlessly in this post (more pointless than ever). Just want to let you know of the existence of these conspiracy theories (but, of course, it's just for fun). So I guess I'll just end your misery right here.

It's always the 'why' that trigger people.

For the people I love, and who claimed that they love me, and asked why am I such an abhorrent person:

"Cos you don't love me the way I want you to."

One hundred million things

Feel so empty lately. I think it must be a hype or a contagious disease or something cos everyone I know is feeling the same too. Or maybe it's just a natural part of growing up (if it's not quite obvious, I'm being sarcastic).

"Seems I'm not alone in being alone..

"Tried to write new poems, cos usually that what I do to get things out of my chest. But all that I can think of is just random sentences that don't quite related to one another. Like a box of all the wrong pieces of puzzle. It's all doesn't make sense.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was so driven. New drive to experience new things, being a new better person.

"I try to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. 
I know now, this is who I really am inside."

Driven to study, to meet new friends, organize some events, do some volunteering. It's all gone now. It's all feel pointless. Study fees hard to find, what's the point of wasting thousands of dollars? I can't even keep my old friends, let alone fine new ones. Events are just a waste of money and energy. There are many others ready to do or already doing the things need volunteering. I'm just another drop in the ocean, another face you pass in the crowd, another existence wasted.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was happy. I was a part of a group made of smart people, who do things for others, to contribute. I was a part of a dynamic class, people who come to class in time, respect their lecturers, do their homework. Now I am only a part of power-hungry people who don't even know how to change their own diapers. A classmate of people who come an hour late for the class, and roll their eyes and stick their tongues at the lectures, slam the door at the lecturer when she told them they're not allowed to switch tutorial group.
I want to go back to that happy times. Happy.. like Alexander said, only when you look back do you know that was the happiness. There it was, in the past. You're too late.

[Another reason why you shouldn't take things, right here right now, for granted].

Just finished watching a (really) long movie about Hitler [or some call it a really truly miniseries], thanks Mr. Matahari for generously lending me his DVD. Still, I don't understand what's with this guy, why did he hate Jews so much. I never really read anything on him, never really want to. I watched the movie, there's only one emotion that I feel (out of him and on myself): hatred. Why was Hitler so full of hatred? His life was bad, yes, but there are many who had worse (Nelson Mandela, for one) who turned out to be just alright, or even became a messenger of peace.

It's not easy, of course, to understand how these great people think. I read so many books and articles on Alexander the Great, before I finally see a glimpse of what motivates him: his father. Both admiration and hatred for the father. But still, that's just my conclusion. The real thing, who'd ever know..

On another perspective, both Hitler and Alexader made good leaders. People were afraid of them, maybe, but most of them gladly supported them. Why? I heard leadership is about influence. What made both Hitler and Alexander (plus Genghis Khan, Obama, Cleopatra, you name it) so influential? What made them good leaders? Compassion for their followers? I'm not sure for Hitler, and I'm suspicious not for Napoleon as well. Their great visions? Maybe, but how did they convinced their followers? Ah..so many questions of how and why..

What keeps them going is more complicated. Ambition? Glory? Pride? Greed (like one of my friends said)? A yearn for a change? ..Hatred? Alexander fought on in his war in India when he severly wounded. Achilles (even though he's a mere myth) went to Greek even though it meant he won't live long enought to come back home. Cleopatra's willing to be called Caesar's whore just to keep Egypt safe and strong. And, back to Hilter.. even though he's imprisoned, he kept going on.
Oh, well, I guess it's different for each person, what keeps them going on in their little journey called life.

So.. what keeps YOU going? ;)

Those 5Cs..

There is this special term in Singapore to see if a guy is worth marrying or not: does he have 5Cs? It stands for Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium, and membership(s) of Country club [sometimes the package comes with additional C: child(ren)]. Like any other sarcastic joke, noone can tell for sure when or how did the term start. But, to put it simply, it shows you what kind of things that these people values. They think that by having these things (or having the person who have these things), their lives would be easier. But, oh well, who am I to comment on it.. Move on to the next topic..

Singaporeans indeed should start to worry about 5Cs these days, but not the usual ones, but the ones that everybody has a share, no matter from which economy status they come from: the 5 degree celcius, that is. Ok, maybe not exactly 5°C, but you know what I mean. The increase in temperature that's happening lately. This is not an essay, so I won't give you facts and figures or literature references. But you know you can feel it. The temperature is rising.
Weather reports might show projection about the topic, the government might deny it, and experts might living in denial . But can your skin deny it (it's an interesting word, deny is, try to repeat it 7 times in your mind)? Step outside of your house or office, and feel it for yourself.

Then what's the point of my post this time? There's no point, I just want to rant how freaking hot can this place be! Is it really nearing the 2012? I hope August comes soon