Tying the knot is suffocating

SotD: Underappreciated by Christina Aguilera.

Actually, I want this title to be the title of the book that I will write in the future. But 'future' is a a faraway place.
So here, I'll give you, few lucky people, a sneak peek to my future book.

When I was younger (well, I'm still young *ahem*), I made a promise to myself that I won't get married. I told that to a few close friends who quickly exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" As usual, secret spreads fast. So soon enough, most of my classmates knew about it (can't help it, I was so popular *cough*). And they all exclaimed "WHY NOT?!" Usually, I would answer, 'why should I?' But they wouldn't take that for an answer. That's how the idea of writing the book come about.

I started to list to myself all the reasons why I don't want to get married. I surprised myself: there are so many reasons. As this is a sneak peek, I'll only tell you one of the reasons (anyway, it'd be too long if I tell you everything and you won't read till the end): I don't believe in marriage.
Come on, who are we kidding? Why do people these days get married? Ask that to Westerners, they'd say, "cos we love each other". What's love? They'll stare at you blankly.
Ask that to Asians, they'd say, "cos we have to, if not, the family line won't go on". Now I'm the one who stare at them blankly.

Marriage should be a commitment. But what a does commitment mean when they can break it by divorce? It's only make the commitment more expensive. And worse when they already have kid(s). They stay together because they have to, not because they want to. It's a thing I hate to do, those must-do things. Well, when the arranged marriages were a trend, the couple had to stay together. But then, they accept it and they learn to love each other. Or at least, they learn to accept each other.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because I keep meeting horrible guys. I have one faboulous boyfriend, one wise god-brother or two, and a couple of great guy friends. But still, I don't believe in marriage. If we can keep our love strong for a lifetime, we don't need a label titled 'marriage' to stick us together.

If you still don't understand the whole thing I'm saying, this reason is described just right by 'Underappreciated', a song by Christina Aguilera (oh Christina.. still my hero). Old song, but in a way reminds me (still) why i don't want to get married.
Oh, the reason is also pictured nicely by the movie '500 Days of Summer', from Summer's perspective.

"Eagles fly alone." -AtG

Sometimes, the answer we've been looking for is right around the corner.
Sometimes, we're just delaying to make the turn.

A call to arms..

Soundtrack of the day: A Call to Arms by 30 Seconds to Mars

This is a call to arms, gather soldiers
Time to go to war
This is a battle song, brothers and sisters
Time to go to war

For one, I've finally decided which song from 30 Seconds to Mars is my first favorite. Despite of everything that I've said about their new album, 30 Seconds to Mars is still inspiring for me. I guess that's what it is with good stuffs, you have to savour them first to be able to truly enjoy them ;)

Did you ever believe?
Were you ever a dreamer?
Ever imagine heart open and free?
Did you ever deny? Were you ever a traitor?
Ever in love with your bloodless business?

Yup, inspiring me. In this dull life, in an even duller world. With the dullest people. Don't get me wrong, I have few great friends, the wisest people you'll ever meet. But compare to others that surrounding me, they are so few and so far.

I've always been a depressed girl by nature. But lately, it's all coming back to me. Like reading too much Ecclesiastes. Feel sick of everything. Where's the promise of "your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly"^? It doesn't exist. Just a well-worn dream.

You do this, do that, this, that, this, back again. Like a cassette being played once too often. Thinking those things will make life easier, yourself likable, your dreams one step closer. But nuh-uh. You only one step closer to the end of your life, or the end of the world, or whichever is closer.
And, bad news, things will only get worse the further you go from the time you were born.

Ever want to be free?
Do you even remember?
Want to be God, the Devil like me?
Ever want to just stop? Do you want to surrender?
Or fight for victory?

Good questions. Everyone wants to be free. But few remember.
Look around. No need to be too far. Look at the mirror. Do you feel bitter inside? Lonely? Unloved? Why?
I know few of my friends that have blogs. Most of the content of their blogs are about disappointment, bitterness, anger, hatred. Why?
Because few remember. Of their dreams. Of their purposes in life. Of their motivation. Of the answer of what should they fight for.
But how should we remember, when this life force us to only remember about one thing: MONEY? Gosh, I can go on and on about that.

Darkness falls, but here comes the rain
To wash away the past and the names
Darkness falls, here comes the rain
To end it all, the blood and the game

But everything has an end, right? Based on some beliefs, the world will come to an end. The old will pass, the new comes. Tears, pain, sadness will be wiped away.
Well, bad news again, though, it's only for few chosen ones.

Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold
Far, far away in a land that time can't change
Long, long ago in a place of hearts and gold

Lesson to learn (for myself too): keep fighting. The battle isn't over yet.
If you think you're at the bottom of the pit, take heart, because when you're at the bottom of the pit, there's only one way left to go: UP.

This is a call to arms... brothers and sisters

The most bizarre (and yuck) animals ever

I was entertaining myself the other day by searching for weird-looking animals. You know, something that'd be amusing. Here are what I found. And I thought I've seen everything...

Narwhal
Well, this one isn't so yucky, but it's worth a note. It is actually a kind of whale, but the weird thing about it has an incisor tooth (front tooth) that projects from the left side of the upper jaw. Maybe that's how the inspiration of Unicorn image came about? According to National Geographic, it "is the unicorn of the sea".

Anglerfish
Maybe there's nothing really weird about how it looks (yeah, it's ugly, but not enough to make your jaw drops like the next fish), except that it has a "lantern" hanging from its head to draw an innocent un-suspecting food-to-be. But what struck me when I read about this fish is the way it mates.
The guy will bite into the female skin, "and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level" ^."Without any need for most of his organ systems, such as eyes and digestive organs, the male's body degenerates into essentially a pair of sperm-producing testicles. Thus the female essentially becomes a hermaphrodite with up to six or more of these tiny male parasites attached to various parts of her body. Although functionally bisexual, the eggs and sperm come from genetically distinct parents, thus providing vital genetic variability through meiosis and genetic recombination." ^That's like having sex with a corpse!

Monkfish
Well, I find this fish weird cos, obviously, this is the ugliest fish I've ever seen.
In China, they actually cook the fish as delicacy.

Blobfish
Wait, I change my mind. THIS is.
Blobfish live in a very deep ocean (around Australian and Tasmania) where the water pressure can make other fish's ability to swim useless. That's why, this fish adapt by staying as only a blob, so they don't have to waste energy to swim or do anything at all. Because it lack of activity, blobfish don't develop any muscle. Interesting...talking about sloth..

Blood Squirting Lizard
The lizard itself is alright, but it has an awesome defense mechanism. One thing that we can learn from the lizard: stand up for yourself even until the last drop of blood (sampai titik darah penghabisan?).


Chinese giant salamander
Afraid of worms? How about a GIANT worms with fingers?

Japanese jellyfish (?)
I'm not sure if this animal is for real -I didn't find any other source that talk about it, but it sure is interesting to note. Watch the video to experience its weirdness (just jump to the end if you're impatient).


Here are links to more weird animals:
Weirdest sea creatures ever
Strangest animals on earth
Strangest animals
New species
20 weirdest and ugliest looking animals on earth
Strangest endanger species
25 worlds weirdest animals

How?

How do we know when someone truly loves us?

When he doesn't sms during your exam and reply after long after
--cos he wants you to concentrate on your work?
When he doesn't display your picture together in Facebook, because it's not necessary
--people already see you together in person?
When he doesn't upload your picture together, because he wants to keep it private
--only for your eyes and his?
When he tells noone about your relationship because he thinks people would see themselves
--you are together, that's the fact?
When he let go off your hand around his friends cos he wants to show you respect
--to show that he's not always all over you?

The things that I don't understand...

This blog has changed..

I have changed. This blog should changed.
For some time, I've learnt to think what is the purpose of doing the things that we do. There is no point of doing something that doesn't influence other people in a good way.
So I thought, what is the purpose of this blog? No, it's not to tell the world about me, nor to bored them with my "whinings". It shouldn't be.

The purpose of this blog, from now on, is to tell you the few life lessons I've learnt, so you yourself don't have to make the mistakes to learn them. Your life is too short for that.
By writing them here, I will also be always reminded about them.

Rainbow..

"I don't see much rainbow anymore these days.
I wonder why..
It's been raining, but there's no rainbow.
Has the much polluted air concealed the rainbow?
Or has it ceased becoming in this too many skyscrapers city?
Or is it just me that caught up in my busyness too much that I don't have time to look up at the sky and find the rainbow?"

You can always hurt yourself in silence.

Just a random thought that crossed through my mind this morning as I listened to the lecture of "the uses of money" (or something like that. Do we really need a teaching on that?).

1. Being in silence for too long can hurt you.
Everybody knows: loneliness kills. Now, don't confuse 'alone' with 'lonely'. Being in silence definitely talks about being lonely, not about being on your own. So, DO NOT GET ACQUAINTED FOR TOO LONG WITH SILENCE.

2. Hurt yourself (only) when noone is looking.
This is the ironic side of the theory --and the one that I first thought of. I know certain angry people that "release" their anger by hurting themselves.. in front of everyone. So that everyone would know how angry hurting s/he is.
But the saddest of all is those who are hurting themselves behind everyone's back.
They look so alright on the outside; nobody could even guess something wrong is going on. But they are hurting themselves, mentally or physically, or both.. when noone's looking.

When the familiar things you put in familiar places can no longer be found,
Your home filled by people you no longer recognize,
You'd realize that YOU are the outsider..

Soar

Soundtrack of the day: Soar by Christina Aguilera

So, yesterday I was talking about things that I've been thinking about (and things that I want to do). One of them keeps bugging me, and I'm the kind of person who, when think too much, will get sick --literally. So I think I'll write it down here, just to share it with everyone, perhaps to get a reply of what anyone else think (and I need to get if off my chest!).

Some things can only explained through melodic rhyming words.
Some things don't even have words to represent them.
But I'll try with my wits' best for this case.
It's about relationships: marriage, lovers, you get the picture. But particularly, as the case in Christina's song:

The boy who wonders is he good enough for them
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win

Uh-huh. So it's all started because there's this someone I like right now. I think he's smart and handsome and independent and...oh, the list goes on. But day after day I observe him, he seems sad. Like, there's something hurtful about his past that he just won't let go. But, probably it's just my imagination.

Anyway, I always drown in fantasy that wouldn't it be great if I can make him my prince charming and this be my fairytale? He seems so perfect --at least for now.
That's one of the problems too, though. He's too perfect: handsome, smart, rich, hardworking. Why would he want to be with me? He has this long road of success ahead of him, with people throwing him flowers along the way.

I ridiculously entertain the thoughts that he does like me back, from the "friendly" way he talks to me and all. But, everybody knows that he is the friendly sort of guy (a huge successful-person-to-be, hello?) and who knows how "friendly" he gets with the other girls? You'll be able to see how those girls flock around him like hungry fish when food is thrown at them.

Back to the issue, since I really really like him, is it worth it to get his attention? It is the problem with me, too, since I'm more to career-minded, I always believe that it's not worth it to waste your time patching love story.

But this time...for once, I started to doubt what I've believe in for so long.
On one side, it seems beautiful to have a relationship. "Someone to have and hold" they say, to share your thoughts, happiness and sadness. Someone you can always call immediately when you get good grades, did an impressive presentation, or when you're sad or sick.

But on the other side, I just can't stand the hurt should he one day change his feelings (in my opinion, guys do change too fast, too often). And not to mention if our parents disagree on our relationship. OR if he, himself, is career-minded and decides that it's not worth his time having relationship with ME *gasp*

There you have it, I've put it out my head. I just wish that I have a mom or a best friend or whoever to talk to about things like this. Sadly, I have none.
Even though it's a different issue (but on the same topic), I just want to close this post with a line from Westlife's song

"If you've got somethin' to tell me, don't keep it inside. Let it be heard."

Soundtrack of the day: Welcome by Christina Aguilera

Does he? Does he not?
(It's a long story compiled into two short questions)

New wish of Newcastle

"I'm so happy when I know what I want" --printed shirt

I don't know if this is included as a "new year resolution" (but seeing the definition of resolution, I think it is included), but I've just realized what I want, as a purpose of my life in a short term (not really a short term, though): I want to finish my last year of college on-campus. Which means, I'm so going to Newcastle!

Yes, it seems huge now. I definitely can't afford the air ticket and my pop definitely won't pay for it. How about accommodation and connection/friends? I have no information on those things. Not yet.

THAT brings me to other resolutions for this year: I have to work hard for my study, give myself straight As. And gather information on how to transfer to the campus in Newcastle. Also, surely pray hard for it and be a super nice girl so I can include this wish to my Christmas list and hope Santa (or, God, whichever) is kind enough to grant me it.


Now, let's talk about reasons: why (I know this question word will always come up) Newcastle? University of Newcastle I'm studying in has three campuses in Australia, fourth is in Singapore where I'm at right now. Those campuses in Australia are in Newcastle, Central Coast and Port Macquire. So why Newcastle?

At first, I was reading about the three campuses in UoN site, and it was stated that "Callaghan [the name of the campus] is our original campus". That sounds good, doesn't it? 
But this is better:

"Our beautiful natural environment with a smattering of buildings have won awards for outstanding architecture....Our ground staff not only look after the flora but they also ensure that the fauna that shares the bushland with us is treated with care and respect."
Perfect! Then, I went on to Wikipedia, it's written there that the temperature is between 12.4° to 23° celcius. 

Perfect. 

Wikipedia also describe how beautiful the classic architecture of the building is (check out the pic I post). And an important thing: Newcastle located near beaches and has rivers. Lovely! I think I'll be comfortably happy living there :D

After all has been said and done, are you really happy where you are?

Most of the greatest masterpieces in this world are not -never- created on the purpose of money.

Men in this decade are the most un-chivalric of all time.
Is this the bad effect of gender equality?

~:~

Which is worse? To live in denial or to live in hatred?

Most of the time, imaginations are way too beautiful.

The problem with people today is, we try to make everything easier and simpler.

Thus we make them less special.

For me, the greatest mystery in life is not whatever happened to Amelia Earheart. Or who built the Sphinx.
Or how did Alexander the Great die.
But, why did you leave?

-:-

An unfinished story is a lot more annoying than an unhappy ending. (成基)

Soudtrack of the day: Feng by Jay Zhou

Horoscope for today:

You need to make some more room in your life for just goofing off! Why not give yourself permission to follow your mood every once in a while? Daydreaming never hurt anyone, and it certainly won't slow you down long enough today to hold you back from making progress. It's not a waste of time to imagine what life would be like if things were different -- it's a good way to stay creative! You need to make sure that you have at least a couple hours of free time, today.

Yeah, been thinking what my life would be if things were different.

Would it be better? Would it be more beautiful? Would it be less?

Would it be perfect instead?

Would I still be like who I am today?

Been wishing that it was different. Feeling that it would all be perfectly beautiful if my life was some other people's. But, as always, I got home. Look around, and realized that my life is still mine after all...

But hey, then again, that's just once-in-a-while feeling. Looking at brighter side, I thank God for what I have. I wouldn't trade it for anyone's life. For all that I've been through, has made me who I am today.

Does everything have its ad nauseam?

ad nau·se·am (d nôz-m)

adv.

To a disgusting or ridiculous degree; to the point of nausea.

[Latin ad, to + nauseam, accusative of nausea, sickness.]

from TheFreeDictionary.com

[Look in Google]

No matter what we do, no matter what we have, no matter good or bad, we'll get sick of it at some point.
In friendship, we get bored with each other, that's why we stop talking to or contacting each other.
Even couples divorce cos they sick of each other. Maybe they don't admit it, maybe they don't even realize it, but that could be the fact.
(Don't even make me start writing about family...)
That's could also be the reason we take things for granted.

-:-

"Yes I am, but I'd like to keep it that way. Now, leave me alone!"