First of all, happy birthday to my godbrother. Another year, eh, bro? :D

Wish all years in you life would be beautiful -just as you've made my life beautiful :) And please, stay being your strong self I've always known. I know we can't always be around each other as much as we want to, but I hope we'll stay like how we used to -err close-but-not-so-close? *lol*

Next, just want to write down my shoutout in my friendster :p

"Tell me, when you're looking down upon me, are you proud of who I am?"

O2Camp the 2nd day...

My team ready to fight the other team :D
Spot me?

Felix and Inez, before we leave for Sentosa (O2 Camp 26-27 Sept)
Oh, aren't they just cute?! *lol*

Wanted to go, but don't know why, I changed my mind on the last minute :)

Show me that you can change, and I'll show you I can change my mind, too...

"The SC is not only where my image is at stake, but my self-esteem as well.."
...
"Why do God let me have this feeling when it'll only ruin me? He know, you know, we all know, that I can't afford to get distracted. Not right now, not in the next 14 years."

I just hate it when people say, "you don't know how I feel."
Of course I wouldn't know exactly how they feel, but to accuse that I never feel any pain in my life would be very judgmental. Oh I have my shares of pain...

Being called a whore by my own father? Been there.
Being suicidal and almost end my life? Done that.
Sent application in all college there is and accepted into none? Gosh, old story.
Chase out from my house by my brother? Passed that.
There was even times when I have no one to confide in, cos nobody cares. And even my best friends said I'm delusional and my mother called me attention-seeker.

But those are long forgotten stories, I don't even remember it as a memory but merely as stories I've read somewhere. And as Nietzsche long ago had said: What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

So somehow I survive.

There will always be times when you'll find yourself standing in the middle of crossroad; where you have to choose: to the left to suicide, or to the right to a better stronger person.
In my case, I'm too coward to choose left. So I only left with one option no matter I like it or not.

There will always be prices to pay, of course. I pay it with my ability to feel; so I can no longer feel a thing. Or in other words, I'm heartless.

You'd think I said all that because I'm living on bed of roses this moment. But you're so wrong. I'm living hell right now, surrounded by devils themselves. However, to misquote Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going...till you reach the way out."

That's what I'm doing now, hopefully I'll make it out alive.
Oh, whatever. I'm so done whining about myself.

What you want is not always what you get....

...thank God for that!

[Or in other words, like the old sayings said: Be careful of what you wish for]

Yes, we should be thankful that we didn’t get everything we want. Cos more often than not, we don’t know what’s good for us and what’s totally going to ruin us.
Yesterday I’m doing my part time job as a waitress. I went there -except for the bucks, of course- hoping to learn humility… and it’s exactly what’s given to me. The event was a very high-class one; I didn’t realize it until I get into the room.
On every single table, there are few spoons and few forks and few knives for a single guest. Oh, and few glasses. And everything is placed in such a way, it's all so neat.

Before we started, we were briefed. And the owner of the restaurant kept reminding us, “All the guests here are VIPs. And the exhibition today is to sell jewelries worth a quarter to half million dollars. These people are rich and high-class people, so you must must must respectable towards them.” Half million dollars.. Okay, got that.

Then there's the chef! He’s actually kinda cute -seems like mixed blood of Chinese and French- but he was so smug. He’s a bit pissed off that we didn’t know the name of the dishes.
He mentioned and explained every single name of the dishes, and in the end, he asked us, “Do you understand?” And some of us were nodding. Then he said, “So what’s ((insert a French food name here))?” We all went quiet. He went on, “And you said you understand?!” I thought, oh my God, spare us. I didn’t even ever eat any French food. The only thing I know is caviar (and I only knew it from Titanic. Wait, is that French food?) and I still don’t know what exactly caviar is made of. Would he want to treat me to some French food, so that I’ll remember some names?

Oh, I also remember he said something like, “We’ll be serving canapés.” I didn’t catch it, and I thought, “Canabis?! We’re serving cannabis?!”
Yeah, that’s how silly I was.

And another thing that added to my mental weariness, I met an old friend there. All of the sudden, out of nowhere. Gosh, Singapore sure is small! (Or should I say the world is?) She was my friend back from my elementary school. The thing is, she is the best friend of my nemesis.
By the time she caught a glance of me, her reaction was, “Kok kamu bisa di Singapore?” [“How did you get to Singapore?!”] In Indonesian language (along with the tone of her voice) it’s not the question of HOW did I end up in Singapore, but it’s a question of how did I able to come here. I was like, What? Am I not allowed being here? But my answer was only, “Yes, I’m studying here,” plus a smile that I hope will cover my annoyance.

Probably you think it’s so childish of me being annoyed over such thing. But you have no idea the background between me and her and everyone around us.
What’s more, she kept repeating how-did-you-get-here question every three minutes until our leader separated us and forbade us to talk to each other.

But anyway, all in all, it was a fun and exciting evening. And I went home an hour after midnight, with a higher level of humility, and $56 richer.

I received a newsletter from the official 30 Seconds to Mars' site today (you see, as a devoted fan, it's a must that I'm listed in their newsletter). The announcement was that they're selling this yearbook, and if you pre-order it, you'll get to published yourself in the book. Guess how much the book is?

US$60!! What an exaction!

Anyway, speaking of 30 Seconds to Mars, it reminds me of Jared's coming to Genting. I decided not to go, as much as I want to see him. What's the point? I'll be seeing him there, but he wouldn't even notice me. I see him, he doesn't see me: I can always do that via YouTube.

I'll just wait till I've become a reporter and go interview him. Then I'll get to talk to him face to face, mwhahaha...
For the time being, I better spend my time (on 2nd of August, I mean) go working. Then I'll get some $$$$ *lol*

Right, soundtrack of the day is Stupid Girls by Pink.

It's just hanging around my head since yesterday. I try not to think about it, cos it's like an old injustice since the ancient time (well, not really, perhaps only since the created the term "celebrity"), but it keeps lingering around:

It's the topic of "The Popular Girls"

Uh-huh. So we all know that they're the ones who always get the attention. Not only by the guys, but also by the teachers, and everyone in between. Have you seen the movie 'Mean Girls'? It's pretty much like that. I don't even want to talk about it cos it's such a common knowledge it gets sickening.

But one other thing that bothers me ugly is, they hate studying. They didn't exactly come to school for studying. I can't say for sure that they like knowledge or education, either. But with less effort, they get the pretty much the same result as other people --as other diligent people.

And so, the most glorious question of all time emerges: WHY?

So, we also know that this life is unfair, right? That we -or, I- should just get over with it and face facts, right? But, I can't! It's just....

Why? WHY? WHY?!

I began to have doubts about the Academy I study in [may God forgive my poor soul]. Perhaps I should have went to a school where all the students are geeks, and there's no so-called popular anybody. But oh well, I'm here anyway. God put me here for a reason (right?). Might as well carry on till the last drop of blood.

I cannot believe Jared didn't win! *is throwing tantrums* And harder to believe, he didn't win from Frank Iero!

>Official PETA news<

But *ahem* anyway, enough about Jared Leto, let's talk about ME :D

Well, I had a speaking test today. And, I really hate it to talk so long (five minutes, actually) in front of so many people. But, my, aren't I surprise that it all went well :)
Of course, NOT astonishing or anything. But I didn't toss my notes or stumble on my way to the front, that's good enough.
Anyway, there's another notable thing that happened today. I accidentally saw this video about "Oprah's church" on YouTube:

May I note first, I really don't like the title using the word "exposed." Feels like it was accusing the New Earth belief as some kind of crime or something.
It is a shocking new lesson, of course, but it is bad enough to claim that "We are the only truth." Moreover to say that "We are the only truth, and you are all wrong."
I just want to comment something about what Oprah had said starting around 4:10 : Why don't we put it this way, that God is so love us, that He jealous? Like, if you love someone so much, no matter how open-minded you are, at some point, you WILL jealous if s/he started to like someone else. Right? Don't you dare to say no.

And, in 4:28... Oprah, God is not jealous OF you. God is jealous BECAUSE OF you.
Well, of course, I'm not in the position to correct her. My first language isn't English, and I'm not the one who's been hosting a talk show for the last 23 years (geez, I haven't even born by the time she started the show).
5:20 How can you learn from a so-called teacher who doesn't even know where he's going when he's dead? And very curious that the video is cut out to another scene before he finish his answer....
5:34 How can you feel when you don't believe?
Okay, this one is a bit more personal. In minutes 4:45, Oprah said "...the search of something more than doctrine."
It always take me by surprise how everyone outside Christianity (sometimes even turned-Christians) say to me, "How can you worship a God which is indoctrinated to you since childhood?" Well, if you said that to me when I was 10, I probably speechless. But, hello?! I'm more than 2 decades of age right now, don't you think I have questioned God myself? Don't you think I've searched of "the other answers/ways" myself?
Well, I have. And I have yet to find a better truer God than Jesus Christ.

But anyway, all in all, I can only agree with the narrator:
Christians! It's time to open your eyes, shut down your TV, and pray!

rantRANT!

Soundtrack of the day: Phase 1 Fortification by 30 Seconds to Mars.

Only in God do I find my strength. How true, David.
You can search through and through, nowhere else will you find a shelter. Thank God, I found You.
Here I am today, on the peak of the happiest days in my life. And I’ve learnt not to dismiss such feelings like these. I need to memorize it, conserve it, for strength in darker days.
But still, my happiest days are tainted. Not only by small patches of annoying things (we all have those), but by spits of some madmen. As always, like so many times before; it amazes me why I never get used to it. Will I ever get used to it?

Selfish. Can someone please define that word for me? Better yet, give me few examples?
Selfish. It’s an adjective isn’t it? Like angry? So everyone has it and does it, right? Selfishness, like anger? Only in different measures? So why point your finger at other people when you still do the same thing? Geez, buy a mirror. Or talk a walk at the mall, there are many reflective surfaces in there.
We have our own weaknesses, our own weak moments. Why can’t we live friendlier to each other? Loosen the rules, who cares anyway?! Loosen the rules, or we all are going to die suffocated!

“All of your life, trying to be… You are the one who cannot see..”

God, this is confusing! I’m having headache..

May I write my Christmas wish earlier?

Guess what! MTV Asia Award is going to be held in Genting, Malaysia this year. The exact date of the event is on August 2nd.
Buutt.. That is not the big news. The big news is.... *takes a deep breath* guess who's going to host it?

JARED LETO! Yes, Jared Leto as the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars, Jared Leto as Jared who played in Lord of War and Alexander!

> See the news here! <

OH. MY. GOD! *shudder* I really want to go.
But it won't be fun if I go alone. I have to look for friend(s) who live in Singapore and/or Malaysia AND is/are 30 Seconds to Mars' fan(s).
Or, if the circumstance is depressing, I have to force at least one of my friends to be 30 Seconds to Mars' fan and force him/her accompany me to the Awards... *lol*

MyBabyTrees.org

Guys, take a look here: http://id.mybabytree.org/

Here, you can help save forests in Borneo (Kalimantan), Indonesia. Only by paying US$5.50 (atau Rp. 45.000,- buat orang Indonesia), you can buy a tree and watch it grows!

You will be sent a proof through Google Earth by the volunteers of the program.

The cost you pay is for the seed,land, nursery, maintenance, protection and final transplantation.

Better still, you can carve your name (or the name of your loved one) on the tree trunk!

What are you waiting for?! Go and check out the site!

Christmas in Singapore

It's Christmas' season already in Singapore! I love Christmas, it's one of the holidays I love the most. No, wait, it's the only holiday I love.
Anyway, the Christmas ambiance is felt strongly here in Singapore. Most of the shops already have they're Christmas tree installed, and the Christmas decoration can be seen everywhere.

The magnificent thing of all is, you can see all the way from Tanglin road, to Orchard to Dobby Ghout (maybe even further, but I'm not sure), the highways, streets and trees are decorated with lightings and purple snowflakes. Oh, my favorites! Snowflakes and the color purple!
Also, the theme of this Christmas is 'A Fairytale Christmas'; How unique!
I heard Singapore government spent a huge sum of money for the lights: S$80 million, wow!
And, to add the attraction, there is -as usual- end of year sale everywhere :p So, if you live everywhere else, you really should visit Singapore this times of the year.
Click here to read more about Christmas in Singapore, and here about the Christmas lights (alright now, let me make this clear, I'm not the spokesperson of Singapore Tourism Board *lol*).

However, despite of the blings and glitz of it, let's not forget the true meaning of CHRISTmas: it's the birthday of our Lord! Have you prepared a present for Him?

I miss my -sweet- lovely durian.
Do you still remember who you are?
I do - :)

- -:- - -:- -

Sekarang aku tahu apa yang aku takutkan. Bukan mimpi yang terlalu indah yang takkan menjadi kenyataan, tapi mimpi yang menjadi kenyataan tapi ternyata tak seindah yang aku bayangkan.

Home

Two days here, and I already want to go away. Don't get me wrong, it's not that something become more unpleasant. Everything is just like always.

Precisely because it's just like always.

Guess what, he dropped by and viewed my Friendster page! One thing I never imagine he would do -not after what have happened between us. But he did! I was so pleasantly surprised, I took a screenshot of my Friendster's Who Viewed Me page :p
I never admit it to anyone, but I do miss him - as a FRIEND. We used to hang out together, and I miss those times. Maybe he misses them too? Maybe -I almost dare not to think about it- he misses me??

Like the song says:
Have you ever stayed up waiting for a telephone call, just to hear her say hello cause you miss each other's soul?
But I'm not sure about the 'each other' part, maybe it's just me missing him.

Yes, I miss his "soul". How he never failed to give me a sense of security whenever I'm with him. But, I barely knew this, he always feel insecure whenever he's with me. How sad, and how pathetic I am. I push away the only guy I want to be close to. And he never realize how much he means to me, how he's so great in my eyes.
And now that I really think about it, he WAS and IS the best guy I've ever known :'( I miss him.

"Never judge a book by its cover"

"Never judge a book by its cover", how many times have we heard this saying? But how many times have we failed to do it? Or instead should I say: how many times have we succeeded to do it?
It is alway easier to point your finger at everyone else, than to point it towards yourself, isn't it?
Hrrgh..whatever. I'm just having a super bad day today. And I think I'm going crazy. All I think of is just him. Can't concentrate myself to other things. And what does he have to do with judging a book by its cover? Well, people judge him because of who he is. Fact is, those people don't know him. And those people judge me because I love him for who he is. Shallow people. They're so lost.

"This is the story of unspoken love..."

Prove human never listens

Whatever you do, DON'T CLICK ON THIS!!!