Achievement

One day, we will all learn to be proud of our achievements, freely.
He who dares not to talk about his achievement, has achieved nothing.

-Inspired by Francisco D'Anconia.

Whatever happened to chivalry?

Whatever happened to chivalry?
Some said it's killed by femininity.
But, eMANcipation is a stillborn,
(and still infiltrate by man.)

chivalry died too early.

The conspiracy of love

There's this one thing that's been swarming inside my head, but I've never been able to put it into words. You know, that kind of things, happen sometimes.
I've been thinking.. why is there such a high divorce rate lately, especially in America (you're NOT gonna argue me on that one)? Then I realized: Too many romantic movies. Too many Disney movies.

Girls have been taught since toddlers that the sole purpose of their lives is to find that one Prince Charming, who would ride on that one suave white horse, and sweeps you right off your feet and make you fall head over heels. (Don't even get me started on how they're taught that the numero uno priority in their lives is being pretty).

Then there's those Korean dramas. A guy is willing to change for his girl? A jerk becomes a gentleman because of a girl? Um, what? A guy spends the whole day to accompany the girl he fancies? Dow we really want that?

Then girls expect their boyfriends to do the same things the Korean drama guys do, the wives expect their husbands to be as romantic.
And all the malekind thought "What's batshit-craze going on here? Let's go back to Mars."

Girls, let's wake up from this slumber, let's wake up from these dreams. Instead of expecting man to do things for you, start doing things for yourself. Instead of spending your energy trying to be with successful, rich guys, why don't you achieve something for a change? Isn't that what feminism is all about?

P.S.: I don't know if this has to do with anything, but.. what's with guys and sandwich and beer? Do guys really love those things so much, or is this another conspiracy by the movies?

A walk on the beach

Girlfriend: So, when are you going to take me to Jumbo (a seafood restaurant)?

Boyfriend: When? What? Didn't I? Oh, but I don't like it there, the people are so rude. We can't even choose our own seat. Anyway it's always so crowded there. Or is it just me? Maybe for other people the service is alright, that it's the way it should be? I don't know, I mean if you're buying food somewhere else, they will treat you better, because.. *on and on while..*

Girlfriend: *is shutting down the eardrums, playing Requiem for a Dream in mind*

What if..?

A few days ago, I watched the movie 'The Number 23' again.
Being one of my favorite movies, I can watch it again and again even though it's depressing.
Well, you see, a good movie is like your favorite shirt. You can wear it again and again, you still like it by the 100th time you wear it. But some movies are like a bad coffee: you have it once and you swear you won't drink it again (you might not even finish it the first time).

Anyway.. The main character of the movie, (played by Jim Carrey, btw), makes an interesting statement:

I'd like two words on my tombstone: What if.

What if..?
You must have asked the same question in your life.
What if I've chosen this university instead of that one?
What if I've married that other boyfriend of mine?
What if we don't actually exist and this is all a dream?

Have been asking the same questions to myself lately. What if I've made different choices in my life, what would happen? What could have been different? Would the differences make any differences?

Guess we'll never know.

There is a difference between poor and stingy.

Black Swan

So, even though I spent my Valentine's Day as a single (only on that day, ok), I had a lot of fun. Yes, I'm that kind of person that like to celebrate days, unlike some people.

Started the Day of Love suck-ily, including bashing someone at the Ministry of Manpower, but I had fun nevertheless.

Went out with my friends to watch the long-awaited movie, Black Swan. Yep, the one by Darren Aronofsky and with Natalie Portman in it. First got mixed between The Cathay and Cathay Cineplex of Singapore (as I always do. Sorry, guys), but we made it to the right cinema, and thus to the movie, just in time.

It's a dark movie.

That's what can be said about it in short. If you're suicidal, please don't watch the movie.

Oh well, seems like that's the only thing you can expect from a director that made Requiem for a Dream.

It's a mysterious movie even the way it's produced. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been a movie enthusiast whole my life, and I haven't encountered a movie that has 7 different promotional posters that are equally distributed and only 2 stated the name of the director. Isn't it funny that he prefers to be known as 'the director of The Westler' rather than 'Darren Aronofsky'?

And most of them are in the color of black, red, and white.

To my fellow conspiracy theorists, you must know what it means.

For my fellow movie enthusiasts, esp. those who already watched the movie, don't you find it odd that Natalie Portman should play such character? When I got the ticket, I noticed that they printed M18 hugely. When I watch the movie, I thought it's only appropriate. If you're underage, going with a children, or a sex addict, please don't watch the movie.

But I love it.

To be honest, the only other movie I've seen by Aronofsky is Requiem (cos there's Jared Leto in it! *promotion*).

I think I should go watch The Fountain and The Westler now.

But from both movies, I can already draw the distinct styles of the director.

The camera panning, the switching between scenes, the lighting, the synchronization of the visual and the audio, and smooth blend between real shots and CGI.

And the music. Both Requiem and Black Swan had taken the famous music from legendary composers. In this particular movie, the original music from Tchaikovsky was "played backwards and in a distorted manner".

How cool is that.

The soundtracks of the movie stuck in my head long after I went back home, esp. the last scene where Nina performed as the Black Swan. And I don't usually remember musics. It's just all brilliant.

Cinematography aside, the story talks about ambition, obsession, and control, both to ourselves and to other people. It reminds us, everything that's excessive is not good.

There's also the play on mirrors. Mirrors seldom fail in spooking people up, but Aronofsky takes it to the next level.

Then there's the acting and the dancing. Gosh, I forgot how much I loved ballet. Natalie Portman is not only admirable as an actress, but also as a ballerina. Watching her as Nina, one can really see how dedicated she was for the movie. I shall not say further, lest I ruin the movie for you.

Oh yeah, you really should go and watch the movie. Esp. guys, you don't want to miss out the kissing scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

"I was perfect."

An inception of an idea

Had a chat with one of my close friends today. I don’t know what got into him when he suddenly said, “How about you created a blog that completely dedicated to write about your boyfriend alone?” My first reaction was, “Are you crazy?” cos the sweet things that I wrote about my bf in my private diary will surely make even Shakespeare blushes and the bad things I wrote about him would make him enrage. Besides, I already have ten blogs under me (literally, which half of them I never updated anymore).

However, after one, two blank blinks, I actually think it’s a good idea. It would be a memento, a white board, and a decoder at the same time. A memento for myself, that decades from now, I’ll be able to look back and remember how much I’ve been loved and how much I’ve loved. A white board for other girls out there, to learn from my love story and decide for themselves, what kind of guy they should choose to accompany them in their life journey. A decoder for guys who keeps saying that girls are difficult to understand, so by reading my blog, they’ll see a relationship from a girl’s perspective.

So I’ve been thinking about it all the way home from my campus. I decided that I’d titled it Journey on Mars. No, not a plagiarism from 30 Seconds to Mars, although they are an inspiration. I just don’t want the title to be mushy like The Love of My Life or random like the one my friend recommended: Zee Zho Zhall Zot Ze Zamed (from He-Who-Shall-Not-be-Named). Just something easy to remember, artistic, and represent the purpose of the blog.

So.. look out. The Journey will start anytime soon. Thanks, kid, sometimes you’re quite inspirational too (translation: kadang2 loe pinter jg yah).

Hot and cold

Really, honestly, truly? There are only two things I want to see before I die, and they're the opposite of one another. Two of the most magnificent things on earth. One is of nature, one is of mankind. Both are mysterious. Both are my absolute favorite things on earth, yet I haven't seen both for real.

When I was younger, I had this friend whom I made scrapbook with. And in the book, we called ourselves 'winter girl' and 'summer girl' :D Guess which one am I? ;)

I've learnt..

..it's important to reply what other people leave on your Facebook wall.

Otherwise, there could be misunderstandings and sometimes, it could be hurtful.

Yep, that's how much Facebook has changed our lives.

Cherish everyone that walks by your life (even the annoying ones!), cos someday, they might walk away and you'd never see them again.

..life should be like train: it has a purpose, it knows where it's going and it has the motion needed to reach that destination.

- as been said by Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged

It's expensive to be a woman..

..when you're happy, you want to celebrate with shopping.

..when you're sad, you want to cheer yourself up with shopping.

..when you're bored, you want to fill your time with shopping.

..when you're sick, you want to make yourself feel better with shopping.

But don't worry boys, SOME girls actually know how to earn their own money to spend (and some boys actually ask money from them).

Mrs. vs Mistress

I had a dream last night. I think I read Atlas Shrugged too much; too obsessed. The dream was very much like the lame Korean TV series (sorry for those who's insulted), but nevertheless affected my mood in the morning. Esp. when I'm not a morning person and I'm pretty much bored in this glorious Saturday.

Anyway, the gist of the dream was, my bf in the real world -Z- was actually married and I'm just his mistress. In the dream, I had an illness and was dying (told ya it's like Korean TV dramas!). Ironically, Z's wife was my friend but she didn't know about our affair and she's the one who came to my house to take me to hospital. When I was in her car, Z was there, with their children too. But Z refused to talk to me, or even acted like he knew me at all.

It feels so sad. You know how the feelings are real even though it's just a dream. And it got me thinking, I used to think that it's better to be mistress (no arguments yet, please):

Wife: Clean up the house, take care of the kids, cook, wash, iron, deal with the in-laws, live at the mercy of monthly allowance from the husband, no time to dress up and exercise > accused of being ugly slob.. *the list goes on*

Mistress: Need only to attend to the guy once in a while, have time for career and exercise and shop, get expensive stuffs and gifts from the guy, no need to attend to the in-laws.

Well, you get the idea. But of course, I know better now. The above statements work only when you don't love the guy. When you do love the guy, it's miserable to be the second lady -or nobody at all, depends on the mercy of the guy. Imagine the feeling of being abandoned when you need him and how he won't recognize you in public. Imagine the torment (esp. when you're dying like in my dream)!

So remember the next time you're in a cross-road of choices: don't ever want to be the number 2 and don't ever get involved with an attached guy. I can give you a long cliché reasons and arguments, but here's a short one: if you believe you deserve nothing less than the best things, don't.

Additions: Seems like this blog has aroused lots of strong opinions. I guess I have to straighten few things out. So don't complain if this most has become longer, you better read it all, you asked for it.
First of all, the reason why I mentioned Atlas Shrugged is cos there's a sideways story of the main character where she's become a so-called mistress. That particular story affected me so much that I kept thinking about it. And that's probably why I dreamt what I dreamt, cos when I read/watch something, I tend to think too much about it. When I think too much about it, I tend to dream about it.

Secondly, I said 'lame Korean dramas' just for the story line. I didn't compare or mix the two (Atlas Shrugged and Korean dramas) together; there's no way for me to do so. The story line of my dream is lame, but there's nothing lame about the feelings. Imagine you're at the edge of life and the person you love the most was there, but refuse to acknowledge you. It's not lame, it's heartbreaking.

Thirdly, let's not take life literally, shall we. 'Wife' or 'mistress' are just labels. Failure of human language; my bad. What I meant earlier was, being the mistress is being the number 2 (or beyond) in a guy's life. You could be married to him legally, have a ring with his name on it on your ring finger, but if he couldn't care less if you leave him anytime, then you're not more important than his job or his maid, therefore, you're just a mistress by definition.
Or on the other side, you both could be just 17 y.o., but he shares everything with you, from his dreams to his phobia, from his strengths to his weaknesses. Then you're already his "wife". Get it? Oh well, "if you don't understand, I can't explain it."

To be better than others is not special.
To be more open-minded is favorable.

To have more tolerance than others is rare.

To be objective is wise.

Hang on.. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say XD

The rich and the stupid

The summit of the rich

Was browsing one of my favorite websites the other day and stumble on an article of a meeting between two powerful people of different fields. One is from politics and one is from entertainment. Vladimir and Leonardo. Putin and DiCaprio.

Never even in my wildest dream I ever dreamt that these two guys will come together. Moreover, to talk about... tigers (but, of course they talked about many other things as well). Sounds like a prose by a hyper-imaginative kid on caffeine.

They whole time I was at the article, I just kept thinking the 'summit of the rich', how I wish I was among them. No, it's not the summit of the smart, even though they are. Rich defines is all. Because they rich from hardwork and their own doings, not merely from inheritance *coughparishiltoncough*. It takes a whole lot of brain to get that wealth.

For those of you who don't know Putin.. go grab a history book today! He was twice elected as President of Russia and is the current Prime Minister of the country. He speaks Russian, German, English, and the humble Tatar. He flies bomber jet. He used to work in KGB (Russian CIA). The list goes on, but let's stop here.

And then we have DiCaprio. The gorgeous DiCaprio.. You might only remember him as Romeo or Jack Dawson, but he's not just another pretty face in Hollywood *coughzacefroncough*. He has come a long way from eating Gilbert grape. Recently, he only plays in smart, thought-provoking movies like Blood Diamond, Shutter Island and Inception. He's spending a lot of his time and money for environmental causes.

The summit of the stupid

On the contrast, a few days ago, I attended a summit of the stupid. The story is, there's a bunch of people (to protect the guilty, I shall not name which bunch) that I've been avoiding. Didn't want to go anywhere near them. Things get complicated when "the leader of the pack" becomes my best friend's boyfriend. And she asked me to go out with them. I've been thinking that maybe -just maybe- I'm being prejudice, and that I should give it a chance.

Howeverrr.. as we were waiting for the bus, I found out that they're going cos it was raining and they couldn't play their sport game (again, I better not say which sport). And they started whining about it and throwing curses around.

There's 22,000 children die each day due to poverty, 1.8 million people die last year cos of AIDS. And half of this world is preparing for war. Nobody gives a -beep- about your game. I sure ******* don't.

One of them was even complaining that now that it's raining he can't go out cos he doesn't want to dirty his shoes. Now, this 'one' of those that always have bad grades and by that time, we're waiting for our grades to be announced and we have high suspicions that he'd fail yet another course.
so.. Dude, you're about to get expelled, and you're thinking about shoes. Seriously?

Call me proud, call me bitch, I don't care. At least I'm not one of them. I won't embarrassed myself by being seen with them ever again.

Have you ever love someone so much, you don't want to continue to do so cos it starts to hurt?

Tag

Not only does everything in life comes with a price tag, 

they also come with an expiry date.

Have you ever come across a song that brings back certain feelings, the exact feeling like when you heard it so many years ago? Imagine you 17 songs just like that, in a CD! It just happened to me and I overwhelmed with feelings! It's been so long, I've even forgotten half of the songs' titles but here they are, spicing up my life again.

Now, the history of the CD is interesting. When I was in high school in humble Batam island, it's difficult to come across your favorite song. You can only hear them in radio, while radio only plays the hits. So there's a friend of mind who was business-minded, who downloaded songs from the net and sell 17 songs in a CD for Rp. 10,000,- So I bought one from him, with my own chosen songs Why didn't I download them myself? Cos 1) I was bad with internet and 2) Batam was bad with internet. Why didn't I ask my fast-forward brother? Cos he's too busy to do it.
Anyway, here's the list of my chosen songs with bits of comments on some of them, just to share with you (recommended too, if you want to explore old songs).

1. Survivor by Destiny Child
2. The Call by Backstreet Boys

Hmmm just simply reminds me of how my dad always did the same thing and to reminds me to NOT do this kind of thing to anyone.

3. The One by Backstreet Boys

By same boyband, with almost the same title, but the story of the song is totally different from the previous one. This song is very special to me.. inspiring and triggering a fantasy ;)

4. Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne

Ah.. the glory of Avril Lavigne once upon a time. For me, this song isn't about ex-bf, more for 'a certain person' that should be supporting me morally, but "weren't there when I was scared".

5. Summertime of Our Lives by A1

A cheerful song, to cheer you up during the everlasting summer in Asia.

6. Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes

This song is special cos it's the soundtrack of a movie, Coyote Ugly. The movie is not particulary awesome or anything, but it hold a personal sentiment for me.

7. The Real Slim Shady by Eminem

Eminem.. Eminem.. what can I say? Love him, hate him. But you can't deny that he's talented. Or should I say f****ing talented?

8. No More by A1

The media mad a huge fuss about this song, that year (2001, if I remember correctly) cos the video was filmed in Singapore. And you can imagine how fussy the Singaporean media had been..

9. Like a Virgin by Madonna

Never liked Madonna, but song was also triggered by a fuss: In VMA 2003, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera sang it before Madonna turned up and kissed them onstage.

10. Graduation (Friend Forever) by Vitamin C

This is our graduation song T.T we asked where will be when we're 25, and now we're closing in finding the answer..

11. I Love It When We Do by Ronan Keating
12. Ain't That a Kick in the Head by Westlife
13. The Way You Make Me Feel by Ronan Keating.

Lovely song. Hopefully I can make someone feel that way (sounds impossible XD).

14. Life for Rent by DiDo

If you're a tad melancholy and into philosophy, and in for an emo song, listen to the song.

15. Stuck in My Heart by C21

Such a sweet, sweet song. I know the band is kinda lame, just another boyband. But the song sounds so sweetly sincere.

16. Coming Home Now by Boyzone

I don't know why, but this song makes me think of Ireland. Some years ago, I wanted so bad to go to Ireland. Well, I still do, but not as bad.

17. Jangan Ganggu Banci by Project Pop

If you understand Indonesian, this song is HIL-LA-RIOUS. Have a listen. Made my day just to remember the song.

Seems like this one is such a long post *lol* Oh well, just want to share something's that dear to me. Happy exploring!

Hitchhiker’s Guide to Venus

Reading the Guide for Safe Dating for Men, I feel like I have to write something to set few things straight. After all, not all females are air stewardess, florist, or sex therapist. But anyway, this post isn’t that related to that one. So, how many times have you heard guys said that it’s so difficult to please a girl, that girls are so complicated? That’s what I’ve been hearing and buzzing louder in my ears louder lately.

For simplicity's sake, I’ll use 'us' as the representative of girls/females and 'you' as the representative of males. Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, nothing like that goddammed deAngelo, so what I write here by no means ever went through any research. It’s all just based on my observation and my experiences as one of those complicated creatures call the females.
We’re not simple, but we’re not that difficult as well. There's only one rule to keep a girl yours forever: make her the center of your world. Or at least make her think so. Now, the question of ‘how’ that's have different answers for different girl. Hence, that’s why you often hear that girls are difficult to please or to understand. Well, it’s because there's no one-size-fits all tricks to keep us happy. And let me tell you the annoying truth: we don’t know what we want either, most of the time. That’s why no need to ask us what do we want, cos that won’t work.

“A lady never knows what she might need.” Lady Ashley of Australia

But don’t be disheartened just yet. Just by always remembering the fact that we, girls, love that you worship us, you can avoid unnecessary broken plates and broken hearts. Here are a few samples of scenarios that might happen:

If she asks you to read a book, for Ares’ sake, just read it. If you’re not a reader and are too lazy to read, just read the summary somewhere in the internet or ask someone who has read it. Anything. Just make sure that you know what the book is about and know what to say when she talks about the book. If she buys you a book, READ IT. Even though you read one line a day, READ IT. You know what they say, no matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And you also know what they say, “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” (Joan Crawford).

Now, we know girls like to talk. But when your girl says ‘I want to tell you something’, perk your ears. Drop everything you’re holding, look at her. Your life might depend on it.
Another way to show us that you care is by being jealous. That’s right, be jealous of your girl. Some independent girl might tell you that she likes it that you never jealous of her. That it's cool that you trust her so much. Bla bla bla. Let me tell you. If you want to keep her, you better be jealous of her, at least once every full moon. Even werewolves need to be unleashed every once in a while to stay healthy. It’s like jealousy in a relationship. When you never question when she goes out with her bunch of friends, she’d conclude you don’t care. When you don’t question when she goes out with her best male friend.. uh oh..

Oh, there’s another thing I need to clear up. Men like to accuse us of being cruel by making them jealous. It’s not that we deliberately want to hurt you, we just want to see you care. Or simply take revenge cos you’ve been cruel to us by not being jealous.

“The problem with most men is they're assholes. The problem with most women is they put up with those assholes.” - Cher

也许你不会懂, 从你说爱我以后,
我的天空星星都亮了.

-童话

Did you check the mail today?
There might be a letter from me to you.
Telling you that I've been missing you.
That I'll walk miles and miles to meet you.
And I have. Only to find that you're not there.

Did you check the mail today?
I've been feeling lonely and all I wanted was to talk to you.
I called and you didn't pick up.
I sent a message and I never know if you received it.
So I sent a mail, but I guess you didn't check the mail box as well.

Now I realized..       You just don't care, you leave me alone like the letter in the box.

Totally random..

Just some of my favourite movies:

Requiem for a Dream
"I love you, Harry. You make me feel like a person. Like I'm me... and I'm beautiful." 

Closer
"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world."

10,000 BC
"Some truths do not survive the ages."

Number 23
"There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones, the ones that define us as people."

Shutter Island
"Did you know that the word 'trauma' comes from the Greek for 'wound'? Hm? And what is the German word for 'dream'? Traum. Ein Traum."