Why some people hate everyone

This is an article from The Straits Times' Mind Your Body 15 March 2012.

Thought it's lovely and everyone should read this.

by Gary Hayden (gary@garyhayden.co.uk)

Heraclitus

One of my all-time favorite thinkers is Greek philosopher Heraclitus (535-475 BC). Not so much because of his ideas --though he had some very profound ones-- but rather because he was so deliciously eccentric.
He was the archetypal grumpy old man.
He lived in a state of permanent irritation at the stupidity and corruptness of his fellow citizens.
So much that eventually, he went into the mountains to lead a solitary life surviving on a diet of grass and plants.
Unfortunately, this back-to-nature lifestyle did not agree with him. He ended up suffering from dropsy, an abnormal accumulation of fluid beneath the skin.
He returned to the city and consulted some doctors, but they were unable to help him. This was hardly surprising as he explained his symptoms to them in the form of a riddle.
The upshot was that he tried to treat himself by lying in a stable and covering himself with cow dung. Whereupon, he died.
It was a sad and ironic end for a man whose philosophical theories stressed the need for people to live together in a social harmony.

REPEATED DISAPPOINTMENT
Heraclitus is a textbook example of a misanthrope, a person who dislikes or distrusts other people or mankind in general. He is, of course, an extreme example.
There are few people in the everyday world whose dislike of others leads them to shun society, life off grass and cover themselves with manure. But nonetheless, there is no shortage of misanthropes, of a milder variety, out there.
Some time ago, I met a woman in a cafe who used to be in the same class as I was at school. I began to reminisce about some of our old schoolmates and said how lovely it would be to see them again. "I wouldn't want to see any of them," she repilied. "I hated everyone at school."
Here is another example. I spoke to a man in England recently who told me that he was suffering from high blood pressure and that the doctors could not identify the cause. "I know what it is, though," he said. "I sit at home and I get to thinking about the state of the world. It makes me angry and I brood and brood. That's what's causing it all."
Of course, it is not the world itself that he is angry with. It is the people who live in it.
He has become disillusioned and disappointed with mankind in general.

Plato

What makes people misanthropic?
People are complex creatures. So doubtless there are many and varied reasons why people grow to dislike and distrust others.
But one interesting and plausible explanation of the misanthropic temperament comes from the Greek philosopher Plato, who came a hundred years or so after Heraclitus.
He said: "Misanthropy develops when without art (that is, naively) one puts complete trust in somebody thinking the man absolutely true and sound and reliable, and then a little later discovers him to be bad and unreliable... and when it happens to someone often... he ends up... hating everyone."
In other words, the misanthrope falls victim to his own unrealistic expectations about how other people can be expected to behave.
Most of us realize that other people are sometimes selfish, lazy, unkind, shallow, stupid, and ungrateful. Even the best of them are sure to disappoint us from time to time. Just as we disappoint them from time to time.
Being realists, we accept this and try not to get too worked up about it. Not so, the misanthrope.
His naivety, or misplaced optimism, or whatever it is, sets him up for disappointment after disappointment and lead eventually to bitterness and disillusionment. The misanthrope would be wiser to expect a little less from others.
Sure, people do not always behave as they ought to. And some people behave very badly indeed. But we ought to have some respect for human frailty and remember that most men and women are neither terribly good nor terribly bad.
The Dutch philosopher, Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677), showed marvelous good sense when he urged: "Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand."

Whatever happened to chivalry?

Whatever happened to chivalry?
Some said it's killed by femininity.
But, eMANcipation is a stillborn,
(and still infiltrate by man.)

chivalry died too early.

Love what you do

"If you are a millionaire with lots of success but you are not happy, then you need to ask yourself what you are working for."

-Mr. Itthipat Kulapongvanich, founder of TaoKaeNoi

Did you know that TaoKaeNoi was founded by a Thai and not Japanese?

Did you know that TaoKaeNoi is Thai for "young entrepreneur"?

What's your life philosophy?

Elegance

"Elegance is sexiness with maturity."

- Mr. Varlan Allan (2012)

Mac is a bimbo

Bro: Why do you suddenly do not want Mac laptop anymore?
Me: Cos I liked Mac only for the editing software, I don't like everything else.
Bro: This line of Mac is the last batch in which Steve Jobs is involved :'(

*after long talk of why-not-Mac*

Me: Mac is like a bimbo girl.
Bro: Hah??
Me: On the first sight it is indeed attractive, and it is indeed fashionable. But in the long run, high maintenance and more heartache than happines.
Bro: Is this your bf's theory? -_-"

Laugh and cry with the same amount

The things I learn from my hamsters

My rendezvous with these cute little rodents started in April. But they're so much more than grater machine with a cute nose. They are teachers in their own ways.


Always clean yourself.
Always clean your hands, mouth, feet, genitals whenever you can. Especially after your meal.

Exercise more.
Run and run and run. Then don't forget to clean your body after exercise and before you go to sleep.

Enough sleep is important.
Life has to be balance, you run (read: work hard) much, you rest much.

Drink enough water.

A lot of running and a lot of sleeping can be dehydrating.

Stock up (prepare for the days ahead).
Nobody knows what tomorrow might bring. Could be more food, could be no food at all. So when there is food (read: opportunities) just grab as much as you cheek can fill

Know your place.
Youngest or oldest? Novice or professional? Always watch your position. Don't try to be smart, don't be bossy towards the older ones.

Be nice to your family
You can fight whole day (maybe over the food), but always make up before you go to sleep. Especially if you're sleeping with your siblings. Your family will be the first to be there when you need them, and the first to steal -I mean, share- the food.

Who would've thought that such humble creatures can teach you so much!

Don't worry --be happy!

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, 
than risk being happy."

-Robert Anthony

Checked out my Facebook today, and here's what I saw:

"i feel like crap..."
"why so difficult to smile and be happy when you're feelin stressed....?"
"menjadi pribadi yang berguna di lingkunganmu tanpa harus terlebih dulu membuat list panjang kekuranganmu. seharusnya USE jadinya USELESS!"

And the likes --so many likes. Well, seems like they haven't heard what the wise men said:




"If you want to be happy, be."

-Leo Tolstoy

"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time."

-Edith Wharton

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."

-Cynthia Nelms

When was the last time he slept with you?
When was the last time he even touched you?
That's how you judge men.

-Aggie of The Sleeping Dictionary

It's a walk in the park..

With people shooting right at you and throwing hand grenades.

-Jim Eastwood of The Apprentice

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

Henry Ford

Some don't remember, most don't even know:

I'm a feminist.

Here's a lesson that I learnt: As soon as a guy (bf/husband/spouse of any kind) puts you below his friends, drop him and move on.

Drop him like a fungi-infested bread that you almost bite.

If he puts you below his god, god of any kind, it's good.

If he puts you below his family, it's even better.

But if he puts you below his friends.. run as fast as you can. You're better than that.

If he puts you below his work.. are you kidding me?! Do you even have to ask that?

I've learnt..

..it's important to reply what other people leave on your Facebook wall.

Otherwise, there could be misunderstandings and sometimes, it could be hurtful.

Yep, that's how much Facebook has changed our lives.

Cherish everyone that walks by your life (even the annoying ones!), cos someday, they might walk away and you'd never see them again.

..life should be like train: it has a purpose, it knows where it's going and it has the motion needed to reach that destination.

- as been said by Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged

The funny things in life

Along the way, I notice that there are many things that are (ironically) funny about this life. Or to be exact, about people. Here are some of them. I'll update this post when I find more funny things..

Funny how there's more freedom of speech, but fewer people who speak up their minds.

Funny how there are many who are conceited, but few who can truly love themselves.

Funny how when you've never experienced something, you have no problem living without it. But once you've tasted something --anything.. you crave it, miss it, addicted to it.

Funny how people don't like to be lied to, but only a few who can handle the truth.

Mrs. vs Mistress

I had a dream last night. I think I read Atlas Shrugged too much; too obsessed. The dream was very much like the lame Korean TV series (sorry for those who's insulted), but nevertheless affected my mood in the morning. Esp. when I'm not a morning person and I'm pretty much bored in this glorious Saturday.

Anyway, the gist of the dream was, my bf in the real world -Z- was actually married and I'm just his mistress. In the dream, I had an illness and was dying (told ya it's like Korean TV dramas!). Ironically, Z's wife was my friend but she didn't know about our affair and she's the one who came to my house to take me to hospital. When I was in her car, Z was there, with their children too. But Z refused to talk to me, or even acted like he knew me at all.

It feels so sad. You know how the feelings are real even though it's just a dream. And it got me thinking, I used to think that it's better to be mistress (no arguments yet, please):

Wife: Clean up the house, take care of the kids, cook, wash, iron, deal with the in-laws, live at the mercy of monthly allowance from the husband, no time to dress up and exercise > accused of being ugly slob.. *the list goes on*

Mistress: Need only to attend to the guy once in a while, have time for career and exercise and shop, get expensive stuffs and gifts from the guy, no need to attend to the in-laws.

Well, you get the idea. But of course, I know better now. The above statements work only when you don't love the guy. When you do love the guy, it's miserable to be the second lady -or nobody at all, depends on the mercy of the guy. Imagine the feeling of being abandoned when you need him and how he won't recognize you in public. Imagine the torment (esp. when you're dying like in my dream)!

So remember the next time you're in a cross-road of choices: don't ever want to be the number 2 and don't ever get involved with an attached guy. I can give you a long cliché reasons and arguments, but here's a short one: if you believe you deserve nothing less than the best things, don't.

Additions: Seems like this blog has aroused lots of strong opinions. I guess I have to straighten few things out. So don't complain if this most has become longer, you better read it all, you asked for it.
First of all, the reason why I mentioned Atlas Shrugged is cos there's a sideways story of the main character where she's become a so-called mistress. That particular story affected me so much that I kept thinking about it. And that's probably why I dreamt what I dreamt, cos when I read/watch something, I tend to think too much about it. When I think too much about it, I tend to dream about it.

Secondly, I said 'lame Korean dramas' just for the story line. I didn't compare or mix the two (Atlas Shrugged and Korean dramas) together; there's no way for me to do so. The story line of my dream is lame, but there's nothing lame about the feelings. Imagine you're at the edge of life and the person you love the most was there, but refuse to acknowledge you. It's not lame, it's heartbreaking.

Thirdly, let's not take life literally, shall we. 'Wife' or 'mistress' are just labels. Failure of human language; my bad. What I meant earlier was, being the mistress is being the number 2 (or beyond) in a guy's life. You could be married to him legally, have a ring with his name on it on your ring finger, but if he couldn't care less if you leave him anytime, then you're not more important than his job or his maid, therefore, you're just a mistress by definition.
Or on the other side, you both could be just 17 y.o., but he shares everything with you, from his dreams to his phobia, from his strengths to his weaknesses. Then you're already his "wife". Get it? Oh well, "if you don't understand, I can't explain it."

The rich and the stupid

The summit of the rich

Was browsing one of my favorite websites the other day and stumble on an article of a meeting between two powerful people of different fields. One is from politics and one is from entertainment. Vladimir and Leonardo. Putin and DiCaprio.

Never even in my wildest dream I ever dreamt that these two guys will come together. Moreover, to talk about... tigers (but, of course they talked about many other things as well). Sounds like a prose by a hyper-imaginative kid on caffeine.

They whole time I was at the article, I just kept thinking the 'summit of the rich', how I wish I was among them. No, it's not the summit of the smart, even though they are. Rich defines is all. Because they rich from hardwork and their own doings, not merely from inheritance *coughparishiltoncough*. It takes a whole lot of brain to get that wealth.

For those of you who don't know Putin.. go grab a history book today! He was twice elected as President of Russia and is the current Prime Minister of the country. He speaks Russian, German, English, and the humble Tatar. He flies bomber jet. He used to work in KGB (Russian CIA). The list goes on, but let's stop here.

And then we have DiCaprio. The gorgeous DiCaprio.. You might only remember him as Romeo or Jack Dawson, but he's not just another pretty face in Hollywood *coughzacefroncough*. He has come a long way from eating Gilbert grape. Recently, he only plays in smart, thought-provoking movies like Blood Diamond, Shutter Island and Inception. He's spending a lot of his time and money for environmental causes.

The summit of the stupid

On the contrast, a few days ago, I attended a summit of the stupid. The story is, there's a bunch of people (to protect the guilty, I shall not name which bunch) that I've been avoiding. Didn't want to go anywhere near them. Things get complicated when "the leader of the pack" becomes my best friend's boyfriend. And she asked me to go out with them. I've been thinking that maybe -just maybe- I'm being prejudice, and that I should give it a chance.

Howeverrr.. as we were waiting for the bus, I found out that they're going cos it was raining and they couldn't play their sport game (again, I better not say which sport). And they started whining about it and throwing curses around.

There's 22,000 children die each day due to poverty, 1.8 million people die last year cos of AIDS. And half of this world is preparing for war. Nobody gives a -beep- about your game. I sure ******* don't.

One of them was even complaining that now that it's raining he can't go out cos he doesn't want to dirty his shoes. Now, this 'one' of those that always have bad grades and by that time, we're waiting for our grades to be announced and we have high suspicions that he'd fail yet another course.
so.. Dude, you're about to get expelled, and you're thinking about shoes. Seriously?

Call me proud, call me bitch, I don't care. At least I'm not one of them. I won't embarrassed myself by being seen with them ever again.

Just finished watching a (really) long movie about Hitler [or some call it a really truly miniseries], thanks Mr. Matahari for generously lending me his DVD. Still, I don't understand what's with this guy, why did he hate Jews so much. I never really read anything on him, never really want to. I watched the movie, there's only one emotion that I feel (out of him and on myself): hatred. Why was Hitler so full of hatred? His life was bad, yes, but there are many who had worse (Nelson Mandela, for one) who turned out to be just alright, or even became a messenger of peace.

It's not easy, of course, to understand how these great people think. I read so many books and articles on Alexander the Great, before I finally see a glimpse of what motivates him: his father. Both admiration and hatred for the father. But still, that's just my conclusion. The real thing, who'd ever know..

On another perspective, both Hitler and Alexader made good leaders. People were afraid of them, maybe, but most of them gladly supported them. Why? I heard leadership is about influence. What made both Hitler and Alexander (plus Genghis Khan, Obama, Cleopatra, you name it) so influential? What made them good leaders? Compassion for their followers? I'm not sure for Hitler, and I'm suspicious not for Napoleon as well. Their great visions? Maybe, but how did they convinced their followers? Ah..so many questions of how and why..

What keeps them going is more complicated. Ambition? Glory? Pride? Greed (like one of my friends said)? A yearn for a change? ..Hatred? Alexander fought on in his war in India when he severly wounded. Achilles (even though he's a mere myth) went to Greek even though it meant he won't live long enought to come back home. Cleopatra's willing to be called Caesar's whore just to keep Egypt safe and strong. And, back to Hilter.. even though he's imprisoned, he kept going on.
Oh, well, I guess it's different for each person, what keeps them going on in their little journey called life.

So.. what keeps YOU going? ;)

Those 5Cs..

There is this special term in Singapore to see if a guy is worth marrying or not: does he have 5Cs? It stands for Cash, Car, Credit card, Condominium, and membership(s) of Country club [sometimes the package comes with additional C: child(ren)]. Like any other sarcastic joke, noone can tell for sure when or how did the term start. But, to put it simply, it shows you what kind of things that these people values. They think that by having these things (or having the person who have these things), their lives would be easier. But, oh well, who am I to comment on it.. Move on to the next topic..

Singaporeans indeed should start to worry about 5Cs these days, but not the usual ones, but the ones that everybody has a share, no matter from which economy status they come from: the 5 degree celcius, that is. Ok, maybe not exactly 5°C, but you know what I mean. The increase in temperature that's happening lately. This is not an essay, so I won't give you facts and figures or literature references. But you know you can feel it. The temperature is rising.
Weather reports might show projection about the topic, the government might deny it, and experts might living in denial . But can your skin deny it (it's an interesting word, deny is, try to repeat it 7 times in your mind)? Step outside of your house or office, and feel it for yourself.

Then what's the point of my post this time? There's no point, I just want to rant how freaking hot can this place be! Is it really nearing the 2012? I hope August comes soon

Money, money, money..

Soundtrack of the day: Money, Money, Money by Abba

So I had a fight with a CERTAIN SOMEONE (if you know me, it's quite obvious who that someone is. The only person whom I'm willing to, and can, fight with), few days ago. Can't remember whether it's Sunday or Monday night.
It's so ridiculous. Everything was started just because he ask if he's really an extreme person (as in when he believes something). So I said yes, because when he likes something he keeps repeating that something till he bleeds (or you do).
It was because he fought with his current gf and still can't get over his previous one. And it's all because he's too controlling till the point compulsiveness. Hence, he's an extreme person.

From the question, he moved on saying he's feeling angry every time someone is rude or not respectful to someone older. I replied, I don't care if someone is older, if that someone is rude, of course I won't be polite to him.
That's when the argument goes to my dad. I said I don't respect him cos, first of all, he doesn't respect me and second of all, cos he doesn't respect himself. [I said many more other things, but I shouldn't say it here. If you'd like to know, call me].
Long story short, from there he started to accuse me, 'That's your problem, you're one rude person.' And started to list my sins from 10 years ago. That's including my mom's perception (who is not on earth anymore since 6.5 years ago, btw) and my dad's opinion. Including why I wasn't or am not respected by my family: because I was a liar.

Which he concluded by saying, 'Do you know why I didn't transfer you money last month? Because you're being disobedient. I told you so many times to clean up the room, but you just wouldn't. 'I learnt from David D'Angelo [a devil he worships] that you shouldn't be too nice to girls. When she starts to be disobedient, you should punish her. One thing that I learnt from dad is that your weakness is money, everytime I give you less money, you'll be nice to me. So I didn't give you money.'

He can go to hell with that. First, I'm impudent, then I'm a liar, now I'm materialistic. All of the three, I take the most insult in the last one. I answered him, "That's precisely why I don't respect you, and dad. You try to control people. And the more you try to be less like dad, the more you grow up exactly like him."
What I meant was, my dad is also a worshipper of money and power. He'd sold me if that means people will think he's awesome.

I share this because I want people (at least those who's reading this) to know, to learn, to understand the lesson of the story:
Come on, how many thousands of times has it been said? How many times more do you need to hear it? Money can't buy happiness. And you bet that money can't buy family.
The most valuable things in this world, you gotta earn. EARN, not buy [well, sometimes you're given, like love. But, again, you don't -can't- buy]. You want respect? Be respectful, earn it.
You want to be respected? Respect other people first.
And remember, the love of money is the root of all evil^. Remember, not the money itself, but it's THE LOVE of money that is evil. Be careful.