"Life is just death in slow motion."

- Lewis Black, Comedy Central UK

Singapore oh Singapore

Singapore is known for many things, but friendly is not one of them.

Me: Can I have 2 siew mai^ and teh si gao siew dai*?
Lady: Having here or take away?
Me: Having here
Me: *thinking I can't finish the tea* Actually, can you make the tea take away
Lady: SO YOU WANT TEA OR TEH SI**?!
Me: Teh si, but I mean make it take away
Lady: BUT YOU ORDER (sic) TEH SI GAO SIEW DAI
Me: *also raised my voice* YES TEH SI GAO SIEW DAI BUT MAKE IT TAKE AWAY
Lady: Ya lah, take away
Me: ???

^ A type of traditional Chinese dumpling

* Thick coffee with evaporated milk, less sugar

** Coffee with condensed milk

How to order coffee in Singapore.
To order tea, change the word "kopi" to "teh".

"The world is yours. Take it."

-Olympias

Just won this in a lucky draw. Destiny is calling me. The Universe is sending me a sign.

- : -

In the same event, I talked to a lady who studied in Sweden for 6 months. I asked her how is it there and she said it's too quiet especially compared to Singapore, "You will only meet another human being if you walked for miles." I don't see the problem?

Well, one person's hell is another person's heaven. It's perfect for me. Where do I sign?

There are no contradictions

This is a story of contradictions of a certain wise person.
Disclaimer: All quotes are indeed real and not exaggeration, in all their ridiculousness. Only the timeline is jumbled up. If it's not clear, calling the person "wise" is a sarcasm.

Me: You should watch Game of Thrones.
Wise person (WP): I don't have time. I'm working to build the perfect software to earn money so I don't have to work for the rest of my life.
Me: K
WP: Talk to you later. I gotta catch a Pokemon.

- - : - -

Me: I'm thinking to move to Europe, for a chance to settle down there.
WP: You're so childish. You're a bad planner. You're not thinking of all the aspects. You only see the beautiful things, but not considering the negative things. Like racism. Listen to me, I've read the geopolitical information, psychology of the people, and inflation and exchange rate. I know that Europe economy is going down in a few years. Do you really want to live in such a place? Believe me, you don't.
Me: K
WP: Omg, I'm late for a meeting. Which direction to this place?

- - : - -

Me: I'm changing my lifestyle, so I'm cutting back on sugar.

WP: You only want to lose weight, right? You only care about looking skinny. Losing weight is not just about cutting back sugar. Like me, now I'm jogging every night. Do you wanna know how much I lost? I've lost 8 kg. My wife has lost 13 kg.

Me: K

WP: BTW, have you tried Nutella?

Knowing all the facts doesn't make you a smart person, much less a wise person.
You can know a lot, but still be an idiot.

Don't make it too easy for me

During latest family gathering... My COUSIN (yes, my cousin), showing off her second granddaughter (yes, you read that right), hinting at me still unmarried: "See, even my daughter already has two daughters."

I was torn between being nice, "Congratulations."
Or being my sarcastic self, "My condolences."

I just smiled mysteriously, cos my mama said to always be nice, but she also said to always be myself.

English proficiency

Another interesting, thought-provoking conversation with my (other) colleague:

Her: *saying this cannot be done, that cannot be done* It's impossible

Me: Nothing is impossible

Her: Are you endorsing Nike?

Me: What?

Her: I mean Adidas

Me: Oh, you mean "Impossible is Nothing"? That one is "Impossible is Nothing".

Her: ....

Me: Yeah, that's Adidas

Her: Tit for tat, tat for tit, it's the same.
Me: ....