Not said, not told, not shown.. but doesn't mean it doesn't exist..

Red

Here's a song by Jordan Catalano, written either about the girl he's been liking... or about his car.

I was going nowhere, going nowhere fast.
Drowning in my memories, living in the past.
Everything looks dark till I found her.
She's all that I need now, that's what I said.
Oooh ooh ooh, I call her red.
I call her red.

She's my shelter from the storm.
She's the place to rest my head.
Late at night she keeps me safe and warm.
I call her red.. I call her red.

Do you want conspiracy with that theory?

Remember I told you about all those conspiracy theories the other day? Well, I got it going again lately. Can't help it.. everyday life is boring. Conspiracy theories are fun, help me to escape this boring and dull life i'm living. I found this website that basically talks about Fremasonry/Illuminati symbolism in pop culture. At first, it talks about Lady Gaga being a newbie to Illuminati and now she's currently a vigour campaigner of the club. Of course that's very interesting for me, especially when i found her lyrics are bizarre (I'm into songs lyrics too, btw).

So I keep reading and one thing lead to another, and I stumbled on the same website an article on the website that talk about 2009 VMA and how it is only a huge hidden occult ceremony. The writer of the article can really explain phase by phase why he thinks it is a huge stage hidden occultism. It's all logical.

I was so excited. Then I tried to tell my bf about it. You know how fun it is when you're excited about something, you tell someone, then you both discuss about it. I think it's not guys thing. All I got from my bf was "Why are you reading these things?" with why-are-you-reading-these-things-get-a-life look. I have a friend that also into these things with me, and, when we have the chance, always discuss it for hours. But he's doing his final year project now, so he doesn't really have time now. Ooh..how I miss times like that sometimes..

Anyway, I realize I ramble pointlessly in this post (more pointless than ever). Just want to let you know of the existence of these conspiracy theories (but, of course, it's just for fun). So I guess I'll just end your misery right here.

It's always the 'why' that trigger people.

For the people I love, and who claimed that they love me, and asked why am I such an abhorrent person:

"Cos you don't love me the way I want you to."

One hundred million things

Feel so empty lately. I think it must be a hype or a contagious disease or something cos everyone I know is feeling the same too. Or maybe it's just a natural part of growing up (if it's not quite obvious, I'm being sarcastic).

"Seems I'm not alone in being alone..

"Tried to write new poems, cos usually that what I do to get things out of my chest. But all that I can think of is just random sentences that don't quite related to one another. Like a box of all the wrong pieces of puzzle. It's all doesn't make sense.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was so driven. New drive to experience new things, being a new better person.

"I try to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. 
I know now, this is who I really am inside."

Driven to study, to meet new friends, organize some events, do some volunteering. It's all gone now. It's all feel pointless. Study fees hard to find, what's the point of wasting thousands of dollars? I can't even keep my old friends, let alone fine new ones. Events are just a waste of money and energy. There are many others ready to do or already doing the things need volunteering. I'm just another drop in the ocean, another face you pass in the crowd, another existence wasted.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was happy. I was a part of a group made of smart people, who do things for others, to contribute. I was a part of a dynamic class, people who come to class in time, respect their lecturers, do their homework. Now I am only a part of power-hungry people who don't even know how to change their own diapers. A classmate of people who come an hour late for the class, and roll their eyes and stick their tongues at the lectures, slam the door at the lecturer when she told them they're not allowed to switch tutorial group.
I want to go back to that happy times. Happy.. like Alexander said, only when you look back do you know that was the happiness. There it was, in the past. You're too late.

[Another reason why you shouldn't take things, right here right now, for granted].