Ghost from the past

Has it ever happened to you before?

Your past caught up after you no matter how fast you try to run. It's what's happening to me now. Certain part of my past is like the undead zombis: I ran from it, hid from it, tried to kill it, tried to buried it, but it keeps running after me. And now it's grabbing me right on the shoulder. I'm trying to shake it off.. Oh, God, please make it let me go..

It found me in Facebook (sometimes I love that site, sometimes I hate it..), in the form of friend request. Yeah, it's a "FRIEND request" by my archenemy. I haven't accepted it. I will, but later. 

I don't understand myself why it bothers me, makes me tremble, freaks me out:

1. I haven't met/spoken to her for years.
2. Even if we're friends in FB, it doesn't mean anything (she can't possibly hurt me again through FB. Or can she?).
3. It's just FB friend request, for God's sake!

It just simply freaks me out *I couldn't breathe*. I don't think I hate her, I don't even consider myself disliking her. I just don't want her around me, I just don't want to hear anything about her anymore. She has taken so much from my life, things I love, persons I love, everything. It's like a trauma now. Feels like a simple 'accept' click would open the gate for her to come into my life again, and history will be repeated all over again.

Just a fleeting thought of her sends shivers down my spine. 

Just like a zombie. Such a lovely zombie..

Rainbow..

"I don't see much rainbow anymore these days.
I wonder why..
It's been raining, but there's no rainbow.
Has the much polluted air concealed the rainbow?
Or has it ceased becoming in this too many skyscrapers city?
Or is it just me that caught up in my busyness too much that I don't have time to look up at the sky and find the rainbow?"

Wish list for this year :D

1. Elizabeth Arden - Provocative Interlude
(I broke mine TT.TT. Have been looking around, but it seems that they don't have it in Singapore. Would have to buy it online..)

2. Chrysanthemum flower
(Hope someone will give it to me on my b'day :p)

3. Random earrings
(lost my favorite ones, somehow *>_<* smells like conspiracy..) 

4. Gothic tarot card >>>
(saw a friend learning this, reminded me that I've always wanted a pack of my own)

5. Blackberry handphone
(eh, not really going to buy it *lol* but a girl can wish!)

cerita cin(T)a --a story of Love

Well, it's a coincidence (if you believe the randomness of the universe) or a miracle (if you believe that everything is planned by The One Above).
I received an email from PPI (Association of Indonesian Students in Singapore) about a movie that touches a controversial issue (at least in Indonesia).

I just thought that I should share it with people. I haven't watched it, but here is the trailer for the movie:

It's lovely how the story questions not only about love, but also about God --God's love for us, and our love for God. Check out the official site:

.:: God is a director.com ::.

"This is a story of a love triangle between
Cina (the boy), Annisa (the girl),
and Tuhan (God).

Cina and Annisa love God
and God loves them both
But Cina and Annisa cannot love each other
because they call God by different names."

"Women bring men home --I have no such feelings."
-AtG.

"You know you are in love when you can't sleep --because reality is finally better than dreams."
-random anonymous quote.
(Really? How, then, do we explain sleep deprivation because of anger/phobia?)

"Don't get me wrong, I love you --but I love my freedom more."
-Vk.

If you want best of both worlds, you have to work double the effort.
-vk.

I've come a long way..

Sountrack of the day: 'Fighter' by Christina Aguilera

So the news is out: the new President of MAPIA (Indonesian Association in my campus) is a female. Guess which female it is ;)
The news, naturally, gives me mix feelings: the biggest one is definitely pride.
After who I am in my family's eyes, life tells me that it's not who I truly am; after all the nasty things I'm told that I am, life tells me that it's so not true.
I've just discussed about it with my best friend the other day. In my family, my opinion will be the last to be asked. Among my friends, it's the opposite. In my family, it never happened before that I'm allowed to take any decision. Well, that's definitely not the case when I'm outside. In my family, I'm just unlovable indecisive selfish little girl. Among my friends...well, you can ask them whether it's true.
What I'm trying to say is, don't let your family -or anyone else in this matter- define you. Whole your life, people will try to tell you that you are this and you are that (both in positive understanding and negative). If it's a compliment, thank them, keep humble and stay being yourself. If it's an insult, thank them, keep humble, stay being your best self, and prove them wrong!
Another thing that I'm trying to say is, people say that it's family who will always stand by you no matter what --I say, think again. Most of the time, it's our family who'll try to put us down.

Anyway, the second biggest feeling, however, anxiety plus nervousness.
Am I the right person for the position? Can I sustain the good name of MAPIA? Can I meet -or better, surpass- people expectations of me? Well, if I think about it narrow-minded-ly, I'm terrified. But I shouldn't worry, I'm surrounded by great people, great friends, great teammates. What I can't do, what I'm lacking, I know will be fill up by their strengths. Together, we'll create a great team, for a better name of MAPIA!

"You are who you choose to be. Now, choose." -Green Goblin

Things you might not want to know about me...

...but you need to.

1. I'm mixed of Chinese-Javanese. But only a quarter of Javanese, from my grandma from my father's side.
2. Whether you believe in things like zodiac or not, I'm a Sagittarius, and I feel that the traits of the sign represents my personality so much. So, if you want to know what I'm like, you can just read about Sagittarius ^^
3. I love everything I love for a reason (or reasons). I don't love something blindly.
4. It takes a lot to make me hate someone. But when I do, I'll take forever for me to forgive him/her. And believe me, 'forever' is a long time.
5. I like perfume. One that I use for me is Elizabeth Arden's Provocative Interlude.
6. My favorite flower is chrysanthemum, NOT rose.
(In case you're wondering, because chrysanthemum smells nice even when it dies. Rose smells like corpse when it's withered)
7. My favorite precious gem is Amethyst. I love the color range it has, magnificent!
8. I collect seashells, earrings, and flags (yup, countries flag. Anyone want to send me his/her country's flag?).
9. I've always loved vampires. Not just because of some stupid novel series *coughtwilightcough*. Vampires are sexier than werewolves!
10. I love butterflies. They are pretty, and they represent change. Beautiful change.
11. When I was younger, I wish I was a spider. Cos I thought 8 hands would come, erm, handy.
12. I love purple (indigo, actually) cos it's the royalty color. Believe me (if you don't, you'd have to listen to me telling it, and I'm not sure you want that), it has a long history behind the color purple.
13. I have an archenemy. Still don't really like her, but I guess as we grow up, we learn to forgive people...
14. I'm NOT mysterious. I'm an open book, it's just up to you whether you want to read me.
15. I LOVE Westlife. Sue me if you don't like it.
Westlife is the one who introduced and taught me English.
16. I adore, respect, inspired by Alexander the Great. He's such a interestingly complex character.
17. When I'm upset or have a lot in my mind, there are only two things that can distract me: reading or writing.
~Books are my drugs. I'm addicted to them, and they take me places..
~I don't talk about my feelings, I write them...
18. I've just realize something: for presents, I don't like soft toys or flowers.. I prefer cards! Especially one that's handmade, hehe..
19. In my spare time, or in my depressing time, to entertain myself I like to watch movies and crocheting.

**more to come

Yesterday, I was helping around the library. There's this one notebook left by the owner. It looked interesting, so I playfully opened it. Well, on the covers of the book, there's this "wise" sayings. Thought I'd share them with you...

"In our country, we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."

"Some people are wise --some otherwise."
"A wise old owl sat on an oak,
the more he sat the less he spoke,
the less he spoke, the more he heard,
why aren't we like that wise old bird?"

P.S.: It's NOT a diary, it's just a book the owner scribble in (I didn't even understand what's inside :p)