"The SC is not only where my image is at stake, but my self-esteem as well.." ... "Why do God let me have this feeling when it'll only ruin me? He know, you know, we all know, that I can't afford to get distracted. Not right now, not in the next 14 years."
When I'm not, you are. When I do, you don't. You're here, but you're so far away. Within range but unreachable.
I try to deny, but how is it supposed to work? Even though I don't ever say it, I still feel it.
This feeling is like a butterfly. So fragile yet so strong. The urge is so strong I'm suffocated. Yet it's so fragile I know it'll die soon. It'll die before we're able to comprehend. Even before we realize it ever existed.
How good will its life be if it doesn't have to feel guilty when it does the things that brings happiness for it.
How should anyone understand? The sadness of the butterfly. Cos its existence just another one In this universe. Alone. Ordinary. In vain.
You think you know me. And everything that you consider me. You think you know my name. You think you know me. And everything you get a chance to see. You think you know my face. You think you know my face. You think you see me. And everything that you consider me. You think I’m more than you. You think you see me. You like the way I’m strong and stand by you. But I am fragile too. I am fragile too. Yeah, I will be fine. As the time goes by. It may hurt at nights. But I will be fine. Yeah, I will be just fine. They think they know me. And everything that they consider me. They think I never cry. They are thinking While they’re making up their twisted lies. She won't mind, she's nice. She is cold as ice. You think you see me. And everything that you consider me. You think I’m more than you. You think you see me. You like the way I’m strong and stand by you. But I am fragile too.I am fragile too. Just like you.
Disappointment. I thought I knew him close enough by now. But just like human, there's always a side of him that's come to my surprise --and taken me off guard. And guess what, I got to know his friend: Fed Up.
But, ah, a letter come to me today. From an Echelon. And it just cheered me up because of its kind words. It's funny cos the one who always made my day is Echelon. While all the others are just non-believer who would care --or rather, don't have time to care about me. And the even funnier thing, those "others" are the ones who laugh at Echelon most of the time. What the...?
It doesn't matter, though. It has been said: not everybody will understand it, and that's okay. It's just for the people that do.
Love always come hand in hand with sorrow --no, not only hand in hand, they're Siamese twin: you can't separate them. Even through operation, it'll be dangerous. Is it worth it to let both come into our dwellings? Will there be enough space for both?
My godbrother once said, "PAIN is the greatest pleasure in life." I didn't agree and didn't understand then. But I do understand now (even though I'm still not entirely agree).
Sometimes, in a weird unexplainable way, I am (and I believe most of other people are) drawn to pain. And it does bring us some pleasure --or in this case, bring me. I know pain enable human to survive. But I thought only because it sharpens our survival instinct, so we learn to avoid it. But I've learned a different case now.
Some people find comfort in pain. Some in physical form: cutting and slashing. Some in non-physical form: reminding themselves of hurtful things.
Yes, mine is the second case. And yeah, I know. Somebody here needs bad help from a shrink...
