~Audi alteram partem~

You know your part of the story. Now hear the other side.
Cos everyone just want to be heard
.

Showing posts with label Moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moments. Show all posts

Wish list for this year :D


1. Elizabeth Arden - Provocative Interlude
(I broke mine TT.TT. Have been looking around, but it seems that they don't have it in Singapore. Would have to buy it online..)


2. Chrysanthemum flower
(Hope someone will give it to me on my b'day :p)

3. Random earrings
(lost my favorite ones, somehow *>_<* smells like conspiracy..) 


4. Gothic tarot card >>>
(saw a friend learning this, reminded me that I've always wanted a pack of my own)

5. Blackberry handphone

(eh, not really going to buy it *lol* but a girl can wish!)

I've come a long way..

Sountrack of the day: 'Fighter' by Christina Aguilera

So the news is out: the new President of MAPIA (Indonesian Association in my campus) is a female. Guess which female it is ;)
The news, naturally, gives me mix feelings: the biggest one is definitely pride.
After who I am in my family's eyes, life tells me that it's not who I truly am; after all the nasty things I'm told that I am, life tells me that it's so not true.
I've just discussed about it with my best friend the other day. In my family, my opinion will be the last to be asked. Among my friends, it's the opposite. In my family, it never happened before that I'm allowed to take any decision. Well, that's definitely not the case when I'm outside. In my family, I'm just unlovable indecisive selfish little girl. Among my friends...well, you can ask them whether it's true.
What I'm trying to say is, don't let your family -or anyone else in this matter- define you. Whole your life, people will try to tell you that you are this and you are that (both in positive understanding and negative). If it's a compliment, thank them, keep humble and stay being yourself. If it's an insult, thank them, keep humble, stay being your best self, and prove them wrong!
Another thing that I'm trying to say is, people say that it's family who will always stand by you no matter what --I say, think again. Most of the time, it's our family who'll try to put us down.

Anyway, the second biggest feeling, however, anxiety plus nervousness.
Am I the right person for the position? Can I sustain the good name of MAPIA? Can I meet -or better, surpass- people expectations of me? Well, if I think about it narrow-minded-ly, I'm terrified. But I shouldn't worry, I'm surrounded by great people, great friends, great teammates. What I can't do, what I'm lacking, I know will be fill up by their strengths. Together, we'll create a great team, for a better name of MAPIA!

Sometimes, just sometimes..

Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him so much.
Sometimes, I believe this one could be different.
Sometimes, I don't even dare to hope.
Sometimes, things seem bright, the future seems bright.
Sometimes, there's nothing there.
Sometimes, I'm just tired, wish I could end it all.
Sometimes.. Just sometimes.


And sometimes, life doesn't go on.
Believe me, I know.
You live, you breath, you move. (But) Just like a zombie. You feel nothing, the heart is cold --or no heart at all.

To I_Boy..
I know exactly how it feels.. It's sad, isn't it?
They only like you when you're the happy cheerful person.
Once they take a slight peek of our sadness, they run like their lives depend on it.. Even those who claim they care, they simply have no time to care.

"If only thirst could quench sorrow, Ptolemy.." -Alexander
I'm not a princess. This isn't a fairytale..
- Swift

I've heard it few times (just a few times, cos I'm not as strikingly beautiful as I want to) in my life: You're so pretty, you'll go far in your life.
Not always the exact same words, but there's this same message: Your pretty face will get you somewhere far.
Well, that's rather irrelevant, isn't it? Can anyone be success just because of her face --in its literal meaning?

Journey to the East


-preparing "script" to host the event-

-took a pose with the "god of all cameras"-

More pictures, here [thanks for Thaza ;)]
"I'm just broke, not broken."

Another trough in my life... It's a long story, I don't even want to talk about it *wave hand*
But every time I want to give up, every time I think 'I can't take this anymore..' the Archer in me always rise and say 'It's okay. We're going to get through this. Let's aim high and we'll reach there. You and me, together.' Yup, just her and me, no one else. Cos everybody else leaves. Well, everyone but one: My Lord.

"They still can't hold us down, Adeline!"

Yesterday, I had to go accompany a friend slash "colleague" in the search of sponsors for our upcoming Indonesian Students event. While we're in the bus, he asked me where I come from, then I said Batam Island. Then he asked me where my senior high school was, I said in Batam Island. He reacted, "No, I mean, the name of the high school." I replied, "Yos sudarso." And he gave me an astonished look. He's from Jakarta, but he happens to know a lot of the island I come from. For your information, Yos Sudarso is an ordinary high school. It was once the highest-ranking high school in Batam, but still, it's the ordinary one. Not the type of school for the rich guys or anything.
Then this friend of mine said: You're not from some international school?
I said, "Nope." Again, the astonished look.
It happened before --so many times before.

Once, it was my English teacher (the current one). She thought I was from Jakarta or another big city and/or had study in International school, cos -she thinks- I speak English so fluently (which I seriously don't think so).
Another time was my other friend. He thought I must've studied in another COUNTRY before. Not only cos of my English, but also cos of my way of thinking.

Well, those things confuse me.
It's always amazed me that the fact amazes people: that this "island girl" is whole lot more than just an island girl.
'What's with "island girl"?' You might wonder. In Indonesian language (or is it the culture?) it doesn't mean so nice, its connotative with negative meaning.

But it's okay, it's quite flattering anyway. Here's "island girl" that breaks all the definition of the term ^^

Welcome to the universe.
Welcome home. Your 8-day survival begins now.


Dim light. Small square. Sleepless nights. Charging mosquitoes. Sweltering air. Hostile begetter. False conviction.
Welcome home.

WISH LIST!

Really really want (gonna get one of these days):
((given by a friend :) thanks!))

Just admiring (MAYBE going to get it in the far future):

Merah Putih

First of all, happy birthday to my godbrother. Another year, eh, bro? :D
Wish all years in you life would be beautiful -just as you've made my life beautiful :) And please, stay being your strong self I've always known. I know we can't always be around each other as much as we want to, but I hope we'll stay like how we used to -err close-but-not-so-close? *lol*

Next, just want to write down my shoutout in my friendster :p
"Tell me, when you're looking down upon me, are you proud of who I am?"

O2Camp the 2nd day...

My team ready to fight the other team :D
Spot me?
Felix and Inez, before we leave for Sentosa (O2 Camp 26-27 Sept)
Oh, aren't they just cute?! *lol*

Wanted to go, but don't know why, I changed my mind on the last minute :)

Show me that you can change, and I'll show you I can change my mind, too...
"The SC is not only where my image is at stake, but my self-esteem as well.."
...
"Why do God let me have this feeling when it'll only ruin me? He know, you know, we all know, that I can't afford to get distracted. Not right now, not in the next 14 years."
I just hate it when people say, "you don't know how I feel."
Of course I wouldn't know exactly how they feel, but to accuse that I never feel any pain in my life would be very judgmental. Oh I have my shares of pain...

Being called a whore by my own father? Been there.
Being suicidal and almost end my life? Done that.
Sent application in all college there is and accepted into none? Gosh, old story.
Chase out from my house by my brother? Passed that.
There was even times when I have no one to confide in, cos nobody cares. And even my best friends said I'm delusional and my mother called me attention-seeker.

But those are long forgotten stories, I don't even remember it as a memory but merely as stories I've read somewhere. And as Nietzsche long ago had said: What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

So somehow I survive.

There will always be times when you'll find yourself standing in the middle of crossroad; where you have to choose: to the left to suicide, or to the right to a better stronger person.
In my case, I'm too coward to choose left. So I only left with one option no matter I like it or not.

There will always be prices to pay, of course. I pay it with my ability to feel; so I can no longer feel a thing. Or in other words, I'm heartless.


You'd think I said all that because I'm living on bed of roses this moment. But you're so wrong. I'm living hell right now, surrounded by devils themselves. However, to misquote Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going...till you reach the way out."
That's what I'm doing now, hopefully I'll make it out alive.
Oh, whatever. I'm so done whining about myself.

What you want is not always what you get....

...thank God for that!
[Or in other words, like the old sayings said: Be careful of what you wish for]

Yes, we should be thankful that we didn’t get everything we want. Cos more often than not, we don’t know what’s good for us and what’s totally going to ruin us.
Yesterday I’m doing my part time job as a waitress. I went there -except for the bucks, of course- hoping to learn humility… and it’s exactly what’s given to me. The event was a very high-class one; I didn’t realize it until I get into the room.
On every single table, there are few spoons and few forks and few knives for a single guest. Oh, and few glasses. And everything is placed in such a way, it's all so neat.

Before we started, we were briefed. And the owner of the restaurant kept reminding us, “All the guests here are VIPs. And the exhibition today is to sell jewelries worth a quarter to half million dollars. These people are rich and high-class people, so you must must must respectable towards them.Half million dollars.. Okay, got that.
Then there's the chef! He’s actually kinda cute -seems like mixed blood of Chinese and French- but he was so smug. He’s a bit pissed off that we didn’t know the name of the dishes.
He mentioned and explained every single name of the dishes, and in the end, he asked us, “Do you understand?” And some of us were nodding. Then he said, “So what’s ((insert a French food name here))?” We all went quiet. He went on, “And you said you understand?!” I thought, oh my God, spare us. I didn’t even ever eat any French food. The only thing I know is caviar (and I only knew it from Titanic. Wait, is that French food?) and I still don’t know what exactly caviar is made of. Would he want to treat me to some French food, so that I’ll remember some names?
Oh, I also remember he said something like, “We’ll be serving canapés.” I didn’t catch it, and I thought, “Canabis?! We’re serving cannabis?!”
Yeah, that’s how silly I was.

And another thing that added to my mental weariness, I met an old friend there. All of the sudden, out of nowhere. Gosh, Singapore sure is small! (Or should I say the world is?) She was my friend back from my elementary school. The thing is, she is the best friend of my nemesis.
By the time she caught a glance of me, her reaction was, “Kok kamu bisa di Singapore?” [“How did you get to Singapore?!”] In Indonesian language (along with the tone of her voice) it’s not the question of HOW did I end up in Singapore, but it’s a question of how did I able to come here. I was like, What? Am I not allowed being here? But my answer was only, “Yes, I’m studying here,” plus a smile that I hope will cover my annoyance.

Probably you think it’s so childish of me being annoyed over such thing. But you have no idea the background between me and her and everyone around us.
What’s more, she kept repeating how-did-you-get-here question every three minutes until our leader separated us and forbade us to talk to each other.

But anyway, all in all, it was a fun and exciting evening. And I went home an hour after midnight, with a higher level of humility, and $56 richer.

I received a newsletter from the official 30 Seconds to Mars' site today (you see, as a devoted fan, it's a must that I'm listed in their newsletter). The announcement was that they're selling this yearbook, and if you pre-order it, you'll get to published yourself in the book. Guess how much the book is?
US$60!! What an exaction!

Anyway, speaking of 30 Seconds to Mars, it reminds me of Jared's coming to Genting. I decided not to go, as much as I want to see him. What's the point? I'll be seeing him there, but he wouldn't even notice me. I see him, he doesn't see me: I can always do that via YouTube.
I'll just wait till I've become a reporter and go interview him. Then I'll get to talk to him face to face, mwhahaha...
For the time being, I better spend my time (on 2nd of August, I mean) go working. Then I'll get some $$$$ *lol*
Right, soundtrack of the day is Stupid Girls by Pink.

It's just hanging around my head since yesterday. I try not to think about it, cos it's like an old injustice since the ancient time (well, not really, perhaps only since the created the term "celebrity"), but it keeps lingering around:
It's the topic of "The Popular Girls"
Uh-huh. So we all know that they're the ones who always get the attention. Not only by the guys, but also by the teachers, and everyone in between. Have you seen the movie 'Mean Girls'? It's pretty much like that. I don't even want to talk about it cos it's such a common knowledge it gets sickening.

But one other thing that bothers me ugly is, they hate studying. They didn't exactly come to school for studying. I can't say for sure that they like knowledge or education, either. But with less effort, they get the pretty much the same result as other people --as other diligent people.

And so, the most glorious question of all time emerges: WHY?
So, we also know that this life is unfair, right? That we -or, I- should just get over with it and face facts, right? But, I can't! It's just....
Why? WHY? WHY?!

I began to have doubts about the Academy I study in [may God forgive my poor soul]. Perhaps I should have went to a school where all the students are geeks, and there's no so-called popular anybody. But oh well, I'm here anyway. God put me here for a reason (right?). Might as well carry on till the last drop of blood.
I cannot believe Jared didn't win! *is throwing tantrums* And harder to believe, he didn't win from Frank Iero!
>Official PETA news<

But *ahem* anyway, enough about Jared Leto, let's talk about ME :D

Well, I had a speaking test today. And, I really hate it to talk so long (five minutes, actually) in front of so many people. But, my, aren't I surprise that it all went well :)
Of course, NOT astonishing or anything. But I didn't toss my notes or stumble on my way to the front, that's good enough.
Anyway, there's another notable thing that happened today. I accidentally saw this video about "Oprah's church" on YouTube:


May I note first, I really don't like the title using the word "exposed." Feels like it was accusing the New Earth belief as some kind of crime or something.
It is a shocking new lesson, of course, but it is bad enough to claim that "We are the only truth." Moreover to say that "We are the only truth, and you are all wrong."
I just want to comment something about what Oprah had said starting around 4:10 : Why don't we put it this way, that God is so love us, that He jealous? Like, if you love someone so much, no matter how open-minded you are, at some point, you WILL jealous if s/he started to like someone else. Right? Don't you dare to say no.

And, in 4:28... Oprah, God is not jealous OF you. God is jealous BECAUSE OF you.
Well, of course, I'm not in the position to correct her. My first language isn't English, and I'm not the one who's been hosting a talk show for the last 23 years (geez, I haven't even born by the time she started the show).

5:20 How can you learn from a so-called teacher who doesn't even know where he's going when he's dead? And very curious that the video is cut out to another scene before he finish his answer....
5:34 How can you feel when you don't believe?
Okay, this one is a bit more personal. In minutes 4:45, Oprah said "...the search of something more than doctrine."
It always take me by surprise how everyone outside Christianity (sometimes even turned-Christians) say to me, "How can you worship a God which is indoctrinated to you since childhood?" Well, if you said that to me when I was 10, I probably speechless. But, hello?! I'm more than 2 decades of age right now, don't you think I have questioned God myself? Don't you think I've searched of "the other answers/ways" myself?
Well, I have. And I have yet to find a better truer God than Jesus Christ.

But anyway, all in all, I can only agree with the narrator:
Christians! It's time to open your eyes, shut down your TV, and pray!