Fine, fine.. no worries..

I just realized something: yeah, my last so-many posts in this blog are so depressing.
Even almost all posts in my other blog.
It does amazes me that it takes quite a while and quite a few people to nudge me for me to realize that my blog depresses people.

I need to make clarification: NO, my life is not bad. It's everything I want it to be at this point of time.
It just that every time something good and fun and exciting happens, I don't have time to write them in my blog. But when something annoying happens, all I want to do is rant it away.

And other reason why I don't want to tell all the good stuffs I'm enjoying, is because I don't want to come across as a brag.

And surely I don't want to exhibit all the good and great and sweet things my boyfriend did for and to me --I don't want to make my ex-suitors jealous (knock knock Mr. Felix S).

Talking about Mr. Sun, here is my reply for your comment:
-Isn't the right grammar should be 'I should've taken..'?
-I was just bothered by CERTAIN girls around me who fall into the bitchy gold-digger category. I feel pity for their boyfriends, and at the same time praying hard that I'm not subconsciously is one of them.
-You're right, I am confuse. Sorry to confuse you. Any enlightenment?

That should be all for now. Any dissatisfaction.. call my lawyer.

M + E ?

I stumbled (not really, I DO check his blog every once in a while) on my friend's blog and saw about a test he took to see his personality. I found it interesting, so I took it too. Here's the results..
Happy reading, folks! XD

Independent Thinkers are analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities. People of this personality type are often very successful in their career as they have both competence and purposefulness. Independent Thinkers are excellent strategists; logic, systematic and theoretical considerations are their world. They are eager for knowledge and always endeavour to expand and perfect their knowledge in any area which is interesting for them. Abstract thinking comes naturally to them; scientists and computer specialists are often of this type.

Independent Thinkers are specialists in their area. The development of their ideas and visions is important to them; they love being as flexible as possible and, ideally, of being able to work alone because they often find it a strain having to make their complex trains of thought understandable to other people. Independent Thinkers cannot stand routine. Once they consider an idea to be good it is difficult to make them give it up; they pursue the implementation of that idea obstinately and persistently, also in the face of external opposition.
Independent Thinkers are not the type who easily comes out of his shell. Speaking about their emotional life is also not one of their strong points. Anyway, social relationships are not particularly important to them; they are happy with just a few, close friends who find it easy to share their intellectual world. They find it difficult to establish new ties. In love, they need a lot of space and independence but this does not mean that their partner is not important to them. Independent Thinkers often make a cool and reserved impression on others; but this impression is deceptive: they can hardly bear it if people close to them should reject them. They prefer a harmonious, balanced relationship with a partner who shares their interests and with whom they can realise their visions.

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, theoretical, logical, planning, rational, independent, intellectual, self-confident, analytical, structured, dogged, witty, resolute, self-critical, visionary, inventive, independent, unsociable, reserved, nonconformist, quiet, visionary, honest, demanding, hardworking

Career:
As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types. That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.

Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.

Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.

You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.

L-O-V-E
For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.

Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.

Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.

Life is not fair --get over it

Welcome to the greatest show
Greatest show on earth
You've never seen before
Here the fairytale unfolds

Some time ago, I read a ‘readers’ page’ in a magazine, in which a counselor will answer readers’ life questions. In that particular section that I read was a letter from someone asking a solution for a problem he’s facing at work. Well, it’s not important what was being asked, but the answer was the one that intrigued me. The counselor said, ‘Go in front of the mirror, and repeat to yourself 20 times: Life isn’t fair, life isn’t fair.’
It’s true, isn’t it? There are so many things in this life that we can’t change no matter how unfair they are.

The super rich people who have more money than they could possibly spend, and some don’t even have to work for it. Girls with bad attitude that find themselves meek husbands. The smarties that get straight As just by reading the lecture notes once, while the others have to study day and night for the whole term only just so they can pass.

The combination of the first and second case is the one that get my attention (and the purpose of this blog being written): the gold-diggers. They somehow are able to find, attract, and hook those kind of guys. Not only the boyfriends are willing to pay, but they are also gladly being abused too, both physically and mentally. It’s not that I’m materialistic (or I am, if you’d like to see it that way or call it so, whatever). But it is somewhat painful to see total bitches from hell get all the stuffs they want, paid by their not-so-gullible boyfriends. Whereas I’ve know quite a few girls who are so gentle, so nice, such perfect girlfriends, but they’re never being spoilt by their boyfriends. Some never even got any present from their boyfriend. How ridiculous is that?

I had a little talk with my best friend the other day, and we agreed that these days, guys are stingier than girls and they are more selfish than ever. They whine when they have to pay for the date, dinner or movie tickets, yet they buy “beauty items” to groom themselves. Difficult to say, though; who’s to say that it’s the boyfriend that has to take care of the girl materially? What’s the purpose of women emancipation at the workplace, then?

P.S: Here is the example of what I'm talking about ;)

And here is the funny version of it.

One of the best things in my life has just over..

..ironically, i trade the chance to continue to have it with one thing that doesn't even want me to be a part of it.
What's behind the smoke and glass?
Painted faces, everybody wears a mask..
--'Welcome' by C.A

Misc wisdom I picked along the way

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends is B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself..
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the ones who don't.
Everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.
Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.
Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong.
Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Many notable things happened for the past few weeks: new activities, old friends, intermezzo here and there. But the most "memorable" of all is a ball in my campus --University of Newcastle Ball. What's special about the ball (beside the fact that it's full of important people both from my campus and my university)?
It's a masquerade. Whole my life, I'm dying to go to one.No joke about it, eversince I watched the Man in the Iron Mask, I've been dreaming to go to a masquerade. But it wouldn't be a dream if it comes true so readily. After trial and tribulations, it was after all, a bad dream..
Perhaps, it will only be wise if I don't go into details. The point is, it was a huge disappointment that the ball didn't go was I wish it to be. In my perfect scenario, I would went to the ball with my sufficiently-formal dress, adorned with a mask (it's a masquerade!), holding hands with my boyfriend, chatted up with my friends happily, took many picture, met and got to know many lecturers and seniors, danced the night away with my boyfriend, then close it with a slow dance and a kiss. Let's just say none of those really happened.
What went wrong? Dare I blame it on my boyfriend? Or was it just my fault that he looked so miserable beside me? Makes me wonder, if I was so ugly that night (or ever so) that he didn't want to hold my hand when we entered the ballroom? Was I so ungraceful that he didn't want to dance with me? Did I shame him somehow that he couldn't bear to wait till the slow song before going back?
He even refused to wear his mask even just for a minute --what's a masquerade without a mask? Yes, he was wearing specs, but is a minute too much to ask?
He didn't even say 'you look pretty tonight' matra. Only when a mentor of ours ask did he said it.
Never mind, it is all over anyway. Just another dream crushed, more lessons learned (and few secrets revealed, it seems to me). When will there be another masquerade in town?

Ghost from the past

Has it ever happened to you before?

Your past caught up after you no matter how fast you try to run. It's what's happening to me now. Certain part of my past is like the undead zombis: I ran from it, hid from it, tried to kill it, tried to buried it, but it keeps running after me. And now it's grabbing me right on the shoulder. I'm trying to shake it off.. Oh, God, please make it let me go..

It found me in Facebook (sometimes I love that site, sometimes I hate it..), in the form of friend request. Yeah, it's a "FRIEND request" by my archenemy. I haven't accepted it. I will, but later. 

I don't understand myself why it bothers me, makes me tremble, freaks me out:

1. I haven't met/spoken to her for years.
2. Even if we're friends in FB, it doesn't mean anything (she can't possibly hurt me again through FB. Or can she?).
3. It's just FB friend request, for God's sake!

It just simply freaks me out *I couldn't breathe*. I don't think I hate her, I don't even consider myself disliking her. I just don't want her around me, I just don't want to hear anything about her anymore. She has taken so much from my life, things I love, persons I love, everything. It's like a trauma now. Feels like a simple 'accept' click would open the gate for her to come into my life again, and history will be repeated all over again.

Just a fleeting thought of her sends shivers down my spine. 

Just like a zombie. Such a lovely zombie..

Rainbow..

"I don't see much rainbow anymore these days.
I wonder why..
It's been raining, but there's no rainbow.
Has the much polluted air concealed the rainbow?
Or has it ceased becoming in this too many skyscrapers city?
Or is it just me that caught up in my busyness too much that I don't have time to look up at the sky and find the rainbow?"

Wish list for this year :D

1. Elizabeth Arden - Provocative Interlude
(I broke mine TT.TT. Have been looking around, but it seems that they don't have it in Singapore. Would have to buy it online..)

2. Chrysanthemum flower
(Hope someone will give it to me on my b'day :p)

3. Random earrings
(lost my favorite ones, somehow *>_<* smells like conspiracy..) 

4. Gothic tarot card >>>
(saw a friend learning this, reminded me that I've always wanted a pack of my own)

5. Blackberry handphone
(eh, not really going to buy it *lol* but a girl can wish!)

cerita cin(T)a --a story of Love

Well, it's a coincidence (if you believe the randomness of the universe) or a miracle (if you believe that everything is planned by The One Above).
I received an email from PPI (Association of Indonesian Students in Singapore) about a movie that touches a controversial issue (at least in Indonesia).

I just thought that I should share it with people. I haven't watched it, but here is the trailer for the movie:

It's lovely how the story questions not only about love, but also about God --God's love for us, and our love for God. Check out the official site:

.:: God is a director.com ::.

"This is a story of a love triangle between
Cina (the boy), Annisa (the girl),
and Tuhan (God).

Cina and Annisa love God
and God loves them both
But Cina and Annisa cannot love each other
because they call God by different names."