~Audi alteram partem~

You know your part of the story. Now hear the other side.
Cos everyone just want to be heard

This blog has changed..

I have changed. This blog should changed.
For some time, I've learnt to think what is the purpose of doing the things that we do. There is no point of doing something that doesn't influence other people in a good way.
So I thought, what is the purpose of this blog? No, it's not to tell the world about me, nor to bored them with my "whinings". It shouldn't be.

The purpose of this blog, from now on, is to tell you the few life lessons I've learnt, so you yourself don't have to make the mistakes to learn them. Your life is too short for that.
By writing them here, I will also be always reminded about them.

My horoscope for today:

"Rest and relaxation are the order of the day today, Sagittarius, but since rest is not a part of your usual vocabulary, it would benefit you to go over recent problems and mistakes, and figure out what you've learned from them. Rethinking the significance of your experiences is a good thing, as long as you don't get caught up in what you should have done. There is nothing more counterproductive than turning your own feelings against you, and that's what you'll be doing if you dwell in negative spaces that, for all intents and purposes, no longer exist."

That brings us to the next discussion: What is it that you really want in your life?
Soundtrack of the day: The Fantasy by 30 Seconds to Mars

'The War' is here..

Much anticipated (for Echelon, at least) 30 Seconds to Mars' album is finally unveiled. As you might have heard, it's called 'This Is War'.It's quite a sensitive title, I'd say. With so many wars going on, people might get it all wrong.

So Jared tweeted (yes, he tweets and yes, I'm a follower) a review on it. Of course, it's a good review that he posted. But, let's face the truth: it's not their best album.
Well, they have only three albums so far, so they still have many chances.
You can have a peek of the songs here.

Their first single, Kings and Queens, is fine. But why am I always reminded of Iris everytime I hear it?
Long intro in Escape.. too Metallica. Even the title is from one of Metallica's songs. A tribute for the legendary metal band?
What's with 100 boys singing in 100 Suns? It might give a nice effect in The Kill, but sorry Jared, the magic wears off.
What's with the Westlife-y songs like Alibi (100 Suns too, actually)?
And what's with the album's cover, really?

Where's the soul of 30 Seconds to Mars that once lived in Fortification, Anarchy in Tokyo, Buddha for Mary, even From Yesterday?
It's beating only half-alive through Vox Populi and Stranger in A Strange Land. Their lyrics never fail, though. Love especially Stranger in A Strange Land.

"I'm a ghost, you're an angel."

Well, I'm not a musician, really, so can't really comment on their music. At least they don't start singing about love and broken-hearts. If they do, that'd be the last day I'm an Echelon.

Best birthday ever!


Is IT next week already?
Can't believe it. Don't want to be. Just wanna stay this way.
I don't ask for sweet 17th always. Just this way. Can I?

Just a quick drop by..

..actually, just so this blog of mine isn't so dry.

I have this assignment where I have to write about our "evocative objects". It sound so grand, doesn't it, 'evocative'? Well, it's actually it only means "memorable items".
So I did. It turned out to be so corny. But somehow, in a weird way, I'm kind of proud that I can be so corny. So here it is, I just want to share with you:


Went to Indonesian Embassy today. The President of Indonesia, Pak Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono (or more often called SBY), was dropping by Singapore. And he wanted to "meet" the Indonesian students here. I was there, with few others, to represent the Indonesian students from my campus. So there we were, "meeting" him.
Not so much of a meeting, not exactly. Cos we saw him, he didn't see us. We sit there listening to him, and he stands there, not exactly listening to us.

But anyway, it was a good experience. It's not everyday you can sit only 10 metres away from a president (without someone pointing you a gun).
One thing I noticed about him, he is indeed a very good orator (someone who give a speech). I find that smart people give good speeches. And SBY, he reminds me of Indonesian first president, Pak Soekarno. One who states important things, fervently, and somehow make people believe in what he says.
Oh, for Indonesians who's reading this, do you know that you can sms the President directly? Just sms 9949, and the President's secretary will sort out your smses (of course, if the smses are not important, it won't ever reach SBY).

Fine, fine.. no worries..

I just realized something: yeah, my last so-many posts in this blog are so depressing.
Even almost all posts in my other blog.
It does amazes me that it takes quite a while and quite a few people to nudge me for me to realize that my blog depresses people.

I need to make clarification: NO, my life is not bad. It's everything I want it to be at this point of time.
It just that every time something good and fun and exciting happens, I don't have time to write them in my blog. But when something annoying happens, all I want to do is rant it away.

And other reason why I don't want to tell all the good stuffs I'm enjoying, is because I don't want to come across as a brag.

And surely I don't want to exhibit all the good and great and sweet things my boyfriend did for and to me --I don't want to make my ex-suitors jealous (knock knock Mr. Felix S).

Talking about Mr. Sun, here is my reply for your comment:
-Isn't the right grammar should be 'I should've taken..'?
-I was just bothered by CERTAIN girls around me who fall into the bitchy gold-digger category. I feel pity for their boyfriends, and at the same time praying hard that I'm not subconsciously is one of them.
-You're right, I am confuse. Sorry to confuse you. Any enlightenment?

That should be all for now. Any dissatisfaction.. call my lawyer.

M + E ?

I stumbled (not really, I DO check his blog every once in a while) on my friend's blog and saw about a test he took to see his personality. I found it interesting, so I took it too. Here's the results..
Happy reading, folks! XD

Independent Thinkers are analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities. People of this personality type are often very successful in their career as they have both competence and purposefulness. Independent Thinkers are excellent strategists; logic, systematic and theoretical considerations are their world. They are eager for knowledge and always endeavour to expand and perfect their knowledge in any area which is interesting for them. Abstract thinking comes naturally to them; scientists and computer specialists are often of this type.

Independent Thinkers are specialists in their area. The development of their ideas and visions is important to them; they love being as flexible as possible and, ideally, of being able to work alone because they often find it a strain having to make their complex trains of thought understandable to other people. Independent Thinkers cannot stand routine. Once they consider an idea to be good it is difficult to make them give it up; they pursue the implementation of that idea obstinately and persistently, also in the face of external opposition.
Independent Thinkers are not the type who easily comes out of his shell. Speaking about their emotional life is also not one of their strong points. Anyway, social relationships are not particularly important to them; they are happy with just a few, close friends who find it easy to share their intellectual world. They find it difficult to establish new ties. In love, they need a lot of space and independence but this does not mean that their partner is not important to them. Independent Thinkers often make a cool and reserved impression on others; but this impression is deceptive: they can hardly bear it if people close to them should reject them. They prefer a harmonious, balanced relationship with a partner who shares their interests and with whom they can realise their visions.

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, theoretical, logical, planning, rational, independent, intellectual, self-confident, analytical, structured, dogged, witty, resolute, self-critical, visionary, inventive, independent, unsociable, reserved, nonconformist, quiet, visionary, honest, demanding, hardworking

As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types. That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.

Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.

Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.

You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.

For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.

Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.

Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.

Life is not fair --get over it

Welcome to the greatest show
Greatest show on earth
You've never seen before
Here the fairytale unfolds

Some time ago, I read a ‘readers’ page’ in a magazine, in which a counselor will answer readers’ life questions. In that particular section that I read was a letter from someone asking a solution for a problem he’s facing at work. Well, it’s not important what was being asked, but the answer was the one that intrigued me. The counselor said, ‘Go in front of the mirror, and repeat to yourself 20 times: Life isn’t fair, life isn’t fair.’
It’s true, isn’t it? There are so many things in this life that we can’t change no matter how unfair they are.

The super rich people who have more money than they could possibly spend, and some don’t even have to work for it. Girls with bad attitude that find themselves meek husbands. The smarties that get straight As just by reading the lecture notes once, while the others have to study day and night for the whole term only just so they can pass.

The combination of the first and second case is the one that get my attention (and the purpose of this blog being written): the gold-diggers. They somehow are able to find, attract, and hook those kind of guys. Not only the boyfriends are willing to pay, but they are also gladly being abused too, both physically and mentally. It’s not that I’m materialistic (or I am, if you’d like to see it that way or call it so, whatever). But it is somewhat painful to see total bitches from hell get all the stuffs they want, paid by their not-so-gullible boyfriends. Whereas I’ve know quite a few girls who are so gentle, so nice, such perfect girlfriends, but they’re never being spoilt by their boyfriends. Some never even got any present from their boyfriend. How ridiculous is that?

I had a little talk with my best friend the other day, and we agreed that these days, guys are stingier than girls and they are more selfish than ever. They whine when they have to pay for the date, dinner or movie tickets, yet they buy “beauty items” to groom themselves. Difficult to say, though; who’s to say that it’s the boyfriend that has to take care of the girl materially? What’s the purpose of women emancipation at the workplace, then?
P.S: Here is the example of what I'm talking about ;)

One of the best things in my life has just over..

..ironically, i trade the chance to continue to have it with one thing that doesn't even want me to be a part of it.
What's behind the smoke and glass?
Painted faces, everybody wears a mask..

--'Welcome' by C.A

Misc wisdom I picked along the way

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends is B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself..
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the ones who don't.
Everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.
Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.
Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong.
Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Many notable things happened for the past few weeks: new activities, old friends, intermezzo here and there. But the most "memorable" of all is a ball in my campus --University of Newcastle Ball. What's special about the ball (beside the fact that it's full of important people both from my campus and my university)?
It's a masquerade. Whole my life, I'm dying to go to one.No joke about it, eversince I watched the Man in the Iron Mask, I've been dreaming to go to a masquerade. But it wouldn't be a dream if it comes true so readily. After trial and tribulations, it was after all, a bad dream..
Perhaps, it will only be wise if I don't go into details. The point is, it was a huge disappointment that the ball didn't go was I wish it to be. In my perfect scenario, I would went to the ball with my sufficiently-formal dress, adorned with a mask (it's a masquerade!), holding hands with my boyfriend, chatted up with my friends happily, took many picture, met and got to know many lecturers and seniors, danced the night away with my boyfriend, then close it with a slow dance and a kiss. Let's just say none of those really happened.
What went wrong? Dare I blame it on my boyfriend? Or was it just my fault that he looked so miserable beside me? Makes me wonder, if I was so ugly that night (or ever so) that he didn't want to hold my hand when we entered the ballroom? Was I so ungraceful that he didn't want to dance with me? Did I shame him somehow that he couldn't bear to wait till the slow song before going back?
He even refused to wear his mask even just for a minute --what's a masquerade without a mask? Yes, he was wearing specs, but is a minute too much to ask?
He didn't even say 'you look pretty tonight' matra. Only when a mentor of ours ask did he said it.
Never mind, it is all over anyway. Just another dream crushed
, more lessons learned (and few secrets revealed, it seems to me). When will there be another masquerade in town?

Ghost from the past

Has it ever happened to you before?
Your past caught up after you no matter how fast you try to run. It's what's happening to me now. Certain part of my past is like the undead zombis: I ran from it, hid from it, tried to kill it, tried to buried it, but it keeps running after me. And now it's grabbing me right on the shoulder. I'm trying to shake it off.. Oh, God, please make it let me go..

It found me in Facebook (sometimes I love that site, sometimes I hate it..), in the form of friend request. Yeah, it's a "FRIEND request" by my archenemy. I haven't accepted it. I will, but later. I don't understand myself why it bothers me, makes me tremble, freaks me out:
1. I haven't met/spoken to her for years.
2. Even if we're friends in FB, it doesn't mean anything (she can't possibly hurt me again through FB. Or can she?).
3. It's just FB friend request, for God's sake!

It just simply freaks me out *I couldn't breathe*. I don't think I hate her, I don't even consider myself disliking her. I just don't want her around me, I just don't want to hear anything about her anymore. She has taken so much from my life, things I love, persons I love, everything. It's like a trauma now. Feels like a simple 'accept' click would open the gate for her to come into my life again, and history will be repeated all over again.
Just a fleeting thought of her sends shivers down my spine. Just like zombie. Such a lovely zombie..


"I don't see much rainbow anymore these days.
I wonder why..
It's been raining, but there's no rainbow.
Has the much polluted air concealed the rainbow?
Or has it ceased becoming in this too many skyscrapers city?
Or is it just me that caught up in my busyness too much that I don't have time to look up at the sky and find the rainbow?"

Wish list for this year :D

1. Elizabeth Arden - Provocative Interlude
(I broke mine TT.TT. Have been looking around, but it seems that they don't have it in Singapore. Would have to buy it online..)

2. Chrysanthemum flower
(Hope someone will give it to me on my b'day :p)

3. Random earrings
(lost my favorite ones, somehow *>_<* smells like conspiracy..) 

4. Gothic tarot card >>>
(saw a friend learning this, reminded me that I've always wanted a pack of my own)

5. Blackberry handphone

(eh, not really going to buy it *lol* but a girl can wish!)

cerita cin(T)a --a story of Love

Well, it's a coincidence (if you believe the randomness of the universe) or a miracle (if you believe that everything is planned by The One Above).
I received an email from PPI (Association of Indonesian Students in Singapore) about a movie that touches a controversial issue (at least in Indonesia).

I just thought that I should share it with people. I haven't watched it, but here is the trailer for the movie:

It's lovely how the story questions not only about love, but also about God --God's love for us, and our love for God. Check out the official site:

.:: God is a director.com ::.

"This is a story of a love triangle between
Cina (the boy), Annisa (the girl),
and Tuhan (God).

Cina and Annisa love God
and God loves them both
But Cina and Annisa cannot love each other

because they call God by different names."
"Women bring men home --I have no such feelings."

"You know you are in love when you can't sleep --because reality is finally better than dreams."
-random anonymous quote.

(Really? How, then, do we explain sleep deprivation because of anger/phobia?)

"Don't get me wrong, I love you --but I love my freedom more."

If you want best of both worlds, you have to work double the effort.

I've come a long way..

Sountrack of the day: 'Fighter' by Christina Aguilera

So the news is out: the new President of MAPIA (Indonesian Association in my campus) is a female. Guess which female it is ;)
The news, naturally, gives me mix feelings: the biggest one is definitely pride.
After who I am in my family's eyes, life tells me that it's not who I truly am; after all the nasty things I'm told that I am, life tells me that it's so not true.
I've just discussed about it with my best friend the other day. In my family, my opinion will be the last to be asked. Among my friends, it's the opposite. In my family, it never happened before that I'm allowed to take any decision. Well, that's definitely not the case when I'm outside. In my family, I'm just unlovable indecisive selfish little girl. Among my friends...well, you can ask them whether it's true.
What I'm trying to say is, don't let your family -or anyone else in this matter- define you. Whole your life, people will try to tell you that you are this and you are that (both in positive understanding and negative). If it's a compliment, thank them, keep humble and stay being yourself. If it's an insult, thank them, keep humble, stay being your best self, and prove them wrong!
Another thing that I'm trying to say is, people say that it's family who will always stand by you no matter what --I say, think again. Most of the time, it's our family who'll try to put us down.

Anyway, the second biggest feeling, however, anxiety plus nervousness.
Am I the right person for the position? Can I sustain the good name of MAPIA? Can I meet -or better, surpass- people expectations of me? Well, if I think about it narrow-minded-ly, I'm terrified. But I shouldn't worry, I'm surrounded by great people, great friends, great teammates. What I can't do, what I'm lacking, I know will be fill up by their strengths. Together, we'll create a great team, for a better name of MAPIA!
"You are who you choose to be. Now, choose." -Green Goblin

Things you might not want to know about me...

...but you need to.

1. I'm mixed of Chinese-Javanese. But only a quarter of Javanese, from my grandma from my father's side.
2. Whether you believe in things like zodiac or not, I'm a Sagittarius, and I feel that the traits of the sign represents my personality so much. So, if you want to know what I'm like, you can just read about Sagittarius ^^
3. I love everything I love for a reason (or reasons). I don't love something blindly.
4. It takes a lot to make me hate someone. But when I do, I'll take forever for me to forgive him/her. And believe me, 'forever' is a long time.

5. I like perfume. One that I use for me is Elizabeth Arden's Provocative Interlude.
6. My favorite flower is chrysanthemum, NOT rose.
(In case you're wondering, because chrysanthemum smells nice even when it dies. Rose smells like corpse when it's withered)
7. My favorite precious gem is Amethyst. I love the color range it has, magnificent!
8. I collect seashells, earrings, and flags (yup, countries flag. Anyone want to send me his/her country's flag?).
9. I've always loved vampires. Not just because of some stupid novel series *coughtwilightcough*. Vampires are sexier than werewolves!
10. I love butterflies. They are pretty, and they represent change. Beautiful change.
11. When I was younger, I wish I was a spider. Cos I thought 8 hands would come, erm, handy.
12. I love purple (indigo, actually) cos it's the royalty color. Believe me (if you don't, you'd have to listen to me telling it, and I'm not sure you want that), it has a long history behind the color purple.
13. I have an archenemy. Still don't really like her, but I guess as we grow up, we learn to forgive people...
14. I'm NOT mysterious. I'm an open book, it's just up to you whether you want to read me.
15. I LOVE Westlife. Sue me if you don't like it.
Westlife is the one who introduced and taught me English.
16. I adore, respect, inspired by Alexander the Great. He's such a interestingly complex character.
17. When I'm upset or have a lot in my mind, there are only two things that can distract me: reading or writing.
~Books are my drugs. I'm addicted to them, and they take me places..
~I don't talk about my feelings, I write them...
18. I've just realize something: for presents, I don't like soft toys or flowers.. I prefer cards! Especially one that's handmade, hehe..
19. In my spare time, or in my depressing time, to entertain myself I like to watch movies and crocheting.

**more to come
Yesterday, I was helping around the library. There's this one notebook left by the owner. It looked interesting, so I playfully opened it. Well, on the covers of the book, there's this "wise" sayings. Thought I'd share them with you...

"In our country, we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."

"Some people are wise --some otherwise."

"A wise old owl sat on an oak,

the more he sat the less he spoke,
the less he spoke, the more he heard,
why aren't we like that wise old bird?

P.S.: It's NOT a diary, it's just a book the owner scribble in (I didn't even understand what's inside :p)

Sometimes, just sometimes..

Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him so much.
Sometimes, I believe this one could be different.
Sometimes, I don't even dare to hope.
Sometimes, things seem bright, the future seems bright.
Sometimes, there's nothing there.
Sometimes, I'm just tired, wish I could end it all.
Sometimes.. Just sometimes.

And sometimes, life doesn't go on.
Believe me, I know.
You live, you breath, you move. (But) Just like a zombie. You feel nothing, the heart is cold --or no heart at all.

To I_Boy..
I know exactly how it feels.. It's sad, isn't it?
They only like you when you're the happy cheerful person.
Once they take a slight peek of our sadness, they run like their lives depend on it.. Even those who claim they care, they simply have no time to care.

"If only thirst could quench sorrow, Ptolemy.." -Alexander
"It was raining, but there was no rainbow.."

Who am I?

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way, for my ever wandering heart.
Bridge: Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.
Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling. Lord, you catch me when I'm falling, and you've told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.
Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Who am I? That the voice that calmed the sea, would call out through the rain, and calm the storm in me.
Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? I am yours.. I am yours..

A More Twisted Fairytale

You might think that it's just another fairytale.
That you've heard it somewhere.
But, behold! Here's a more twisted fairytale.
About a princess and a knight.

She's not a princess after all, for all you know,
just a slave donned in luxurious gowns,
locked up in a dark tower of a dark palace.
And the knight..
He is the royal son, a crown prince in disguise.

The princess stands on her balcony
for one thousand and first time
in a thousand and one nights.
"I'll love you forever," the knight said.
"Forever is not real," the princess answered.
"I'll always be here by your side," he said
"Let's not talk about the future," she replied.

Cos many knights have come
Throwing pebbles, drawing swords.
Draw her attention, fight for her
or so she had hoped.
But little that they know, little did she know
There is one thing much scarier than dragons and witches
The king himself, the father of the princess.

Many knights have come
and many knights have left..
Wow, have just done my research report for my English course. Since I'm taking Bachelor of Communication, it's about freedom of speech, in general. Would like to discuss about free speech in particular countries, but didn't have enough time and words limitation (we can only write less than 3000 words).
Well, if you'd like to read/have a look of it, here's the link:

>> Research Paper

Personally, I think it's good enough. Well, don't know what my lecturer think, though :p Hope I'll get high mark for it!

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Old sayings are always proven true. Well, they survived the corrosion of time precisely because they are accurate most of the time (always, in this case). You can always see which one are the true friends, not fake ones, when you're starting to show the darker side of you and your life.
Sadly, I don't have that many true friends. Luckily, I have few.

It's good to know that those few always stand by me. Even when I'm being difficult and mysterious, complicated and annoying. They're not exactly helping by giving what I need, but they're here, lending listening ears and giving a pat on the back. And some of them even really spend their time trying to help. What wonderful people *hearts*

But like any other things, when you have the good ones, you'll get the bad ones.
There are two kinds of rotten ones that I'm meeting right now: fakers and backstabbers.
One is always so nice and sweet in front of you, give you compliment how beautiful/smart/interesting/etc you are. Tell you that they're so sad that you're sad, blablabla. BUT THEN, behind your back, across the counter, behind closed doors, they'll start spreading gossips that YOU are the untrustworthy one. Geez..stop being fake. What do you gain from it? Definitely not respect. And please, quit dragging the name of GOD around..
Then there's this other kind who likes to give hinted insults. What the heck is wrong with you? If you don't like me, just go away. I won't care. I won't even realize.
You don't understand: Why do I like my guy? Why do I stay with him? Why do I look sad all the time? Why do I? Why am I? Why not this? Why? Why?
'Cause you don't know what I know >>
There's no Prince Charming or knight in shining armor, but the Princesses in my fairytale can all fight for themselves.
" 'Cos your greed sold me out of shame.."
--Christina A.
what a pathetic person he who thinks money can buy everything
equally sad, if not sadder, he who thinks money can give him rights to do everything
I'm not a princess. This isn't a fairytale..
- Swift

I've heard it few times (just a few times, cos I'm not as strikingly beautiful as I want to) in my life: You're so pretty, you'll go far in your life.
Not always the exact same words, but there's this same message: Your pretty face will get you somewhere far.
Well, that's rather irrelevant, isn't it? Can anyone be success just because of her face --in its literal meaning?
You can always hurt yourself in silence.

Just a random thought that crossed through my mind this morning as I listened to the lecture of "the uses of money" (or something like that. Do we really need a teaching on that?).

1. Being in silence for too long can hurt you.
Everybody knows: loneliness kills. Now, don't confuse 'alone' with 'lonely'. Being in silence definitely talks about being lonely, not about being on your own. So, DO NOT GET ACQUAINTED FOR TOO LONG WITH SILENCE.

2. Hurt yourself (only) when noone is looking.
This is the ironic side of the theory --and the one that I first thought of. I know certain angry people that "release" their anger by hurting themselves.. in front of everyone. So that everyone would know how angry hurting s/he is.
But the saddest of all is those who are hurting themselves behind everyone's back.
They look so alright on the outside; nobody could even guess something wrong is going on. But they are hurting themselves, mentally or physically, or both.. when noone's looking.

Journey to the East

-preparing "script" to host the event-

-took a pose with the "god of all cameras"-

More pictures, here [thanks for Thaza ;)]

The truth about the Goat and the Archer...

Just found something really interesting... It hits the nail in the head *ouch*

"Most of the time, when a Sagittarian friend, lover, mate, child, relative or business associate shoots a barbed observation of painful truth toward Capricorn, the Goat simply shrugs. "So nu?" remarks Capricorn. It's not easy to shake these people. Nevertheless, Sag should take it easy. Too many carefree remarks, and the Goat will slap down the Archer with Saturn's own brand of heavy observations of truth, which could cause the happy-go-lucky Sag to brood in a corner for months. Saturn-ruled Capricorns are excellent instructors of necessary lessons to the impulsive and outspoken of this world."

Don't know whether I should be glad (for the balance) or sad about it (_ _!)

Another one:

"When all's said and done, Sag is optimistic, Capricorn is pessimistic. Sagittarian optimism troubles the careful Goat. Capricorn pessimism depresses the Archer's soaring spirit. "

What, in all the zodiac personality analysis, can be truer than that? Believe me, NONE.

Leave Out All the Rest

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared. After my dreaming, I woke with this fear. What am I leaving when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know...
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty. Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.
Don't be afraid. I've taken my beating, I've shed but I'm me. I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through. I've never been perfect, but neither have you.
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well. Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. I can't be who you are.
I can't be who you are.

'Oly ceet..

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,
for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Matthew 7:12

I'm not sure how to start this post... This one is going to be a sensitive topic. But I know I have to -need to- address it.
So, how many of you are atheist? Hands up?
How many of you despise the so-called religious people? Hands up?

And, how many of you are the people who believe in God? Particularly, Christ?
Right now, I'm surrounded by few so-called devout (fanatic, I call it) Catholics and Christians. I'm trying to recall what did Jesus say about connecting with people around us... be humble.. love you enemy.. serve others...
Although I'm not an expert in the Bible, as long as I can remember, Jesus always taught us to put others before ourselves. Be it about happiness or needs, ALWAYS think about others first. It's a different cases that I see and experience these days..

Let's go in details.
One friend of mine is a fanatic Catholic (pardon me I have to mention the religion). She talks about God, sing gospel loudly everywhere, talks about church activities, etc, etc.
But all that she ever talk about is herself: how she grew up, what she likes, her "talent", her, her, her. And the language she uses --I just can't stand it *pull hair*, rough language and sometimes, cursing words. And one particular thing that I hate, she's parodying to everyone whenever she's fasting. Really, should we advertise it as well in newspaper?

Then there's the other one, this one is a Christian. And this one is slightly worse, she bothers me much (that's why I mentioned her, otherwise, who cares..).
She lets everyone know she's a Christian by telling people how God bless her with this and that. But then, she isn't genuinely grateful for things she has. She complains A LOT; she thinks that she is the victim of life and that this universe is and should be orbiting around her. Seriously, lady, what was the ultimate thing that Jesus taught us? SACRIFICE. And be silent about it.

Did He complain when He had to come down to earth?
"To earth?! Father, you must be kidding me. Fine, fine! I'll go down. See how big-hearted I am, going down to that filthy earth to socialize with those filthy humans. Ew!"
And when He's resurrected...
"Geez, that was hurt! Now everyone, YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU OR ELSE!"
Then, 2000 years later...
*coming to many random people* "Human, Jesus here. You know what have I done for you? YOU DON'T?! Your parents didn't tell you about it?! It was troublesome and tedious, you know.
How could they did not tell you about my sacrifice!"

Errr, no, I don't think Jesus said that or would He ever do..
Now, if only we can just forget about religion and the symbolic things (go to church, fasting, confession, etc) and start to imitate Jesus: His humility, His compassion, His LOVE.
Life will be much easier for ourselves and for others..
When the familiar things you put in familiar places can no longer be found,
Your home filled by people you no longer recognize,
You'd realize that YOU are the outsider..
"I know that God must love me cos He sent you to me..." ^^

"I keep you with me in my heart,
You make it easier when life gets hard.
Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss.."
"Great things are difficult to do, to create.
But they are worth it."
Soundtrack of the day: Every Little Thing You Do by Westlife

Bolt: Am I missing anything, Rhino?
: Just the knowledge that every minute spent in your company becomes the new greatest minute of my life!

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Hope everyone had a good one (if not great!)
I sure did have a great one ^^
Gosh! I still can't believe it!
Remember the guy I told you about? Well, he told me that he likes me, 4 days ago!
It's a long exciting memorable lovely story, but I don't want to tell it here :p Let it be a private one.
It's insane... It's another dream comes true... He actually likes me back, can you believe it?! So yeah, yesterday we spent the Love Day together.

It's a great feeling, being loved is. Like a Westlife's song says: I never knew that love could felt so good.. It's been so long that I was made to believe that I don't deserve to be loved. And now, here's an angel comes along and confessed he adores me.
So, here's something for everyone out there: NEVER EVER believe if someone told you you are not good (or pretty or rich or whatever) enough to be loved. Give that person a slap on the face and just leave --even if it's your own mom who told you that
(okay, I don't really mean 'slap' slap, but you know, just ignore those kind of nasty sayings).
After so long, now I understand the concept of being loved. It's great; it's not only making me ready to love back, to love more, and to forgive. That's right, to forgive.
Love needs no reason. Look around and think about it. Have you seen someone who's "not pretty" but is happily married? Have you seen a disabled child, but still loved by his/her parents? There are so many proofs that love is unreasonable (needs no reason, I mean :p).

Of course, I'm aware that who knows how long this will last? Honestly, I'm pessimistic. He needs to do his things after graduation, and me, mine. But let's not care about that now. At the moment, let's just feel what we feel...
It doesn't matter what future brings.
Just enjoy what we have and do our best.

Then one day we'll look back without regret for we know that we've cherished what we had.
"I'm just broke, not broken."

Another trough in my life... It's a long story, I don't even want to talk about it *wave hand*
But every time I want to give up, every time I think 'I can't take this anymore..' the Archer in me always rise and say 'It's okay. We're going to get through this. Let's aim high and we'll reach there. You and me, together.' Yup, just her and me, no one else. Cos everybody else leaves. Well, everyone but one: My Lord.

"They still can't hold us down, Adeline!"

Yesterday, I had to go accompany a friend slash "colleague" in the search of sponsors for our upcoming Indonesian Students event. While we're in the bus, he asked me where I come from, then I said Batam Island. Then he asked me where my senior high school was, I said in Batam Island. He reacted, "No, I mean, the name of the high school." I replied, "Yos sudarso." And he gave me an astonished look. He's from Jakarta, but he happens to know a lot of the island I come from. For your information, Yos Sudarso is an ordinary high school. It was once the highest-ranking high school in Batam, but still, it's the ordinary one. Not the type of school for the rich guys or anything.
Then this friend of mine said: You're not from some international school?
I said, "Nope." Again, the astonished look.
It happened before --so many times before.

Once, it was my English teacher (the current one). She thought I was from Jakarta or another big city and/or had study in International school, cos -she thinks- I speak English so fluently (which I seriously don't think so).
Another time was my other friend. He thought I must've studied in another COUNTRY before. Not only cos of my English, but also cos of my way of thinking.

Well, those things confuse me.
It's always amazed me that the fact amazes people: that this "island girl" is whole lot more than just an island girl.
'What's with "island girl"?' You might wonder. In Indonesian language (or is it the culture?) it doesn't mean so nice, its connotative with negative meaning.

But it's okay, it's quite flattering anyway. Here's "island girl" that breaks all the definition of the term ^^

Welcome to the universe.

The Bottom Line

Your quiet little romance is going to get a lot of attention soon. Are you ready?

In Detail

You can't keep a good secret right now -- your quiet little romance is going to get a lot of attention very soon. Are you ready for the scrutiny? Suddenly everyone wants to know what's going on between the two of you, what's next and where this thing is going -- and you might not even know the answers! Feel free to take a step back and protect your privacy. Your life is no one's business but your own. Friends won't be put off if you clam up --they will understand.

Days With My Father

"Ring, ring! Who's there?
Destiny! I've been waiting for your call."

call Pictures, Images and Photos
Soundtrack of the day: Soar by Christina Aguilera

So, yesterday I was talking about things that I've been thinking about (and things that I want to do). One of them keeps bugging me, and I'm the kind of person who, when think too much, will get sick --literally. So I think I'll write it down here, just to share it with everyone, perhaps to get a reply of what anyone else think (and I need to get if off my chest!).
Some things can only explained through melodic rhyming words.
Some things don't even have words to represent them.
But I'll try with my wits' best for this case.
It's about relationships: marriage, lovers, you get the picture. But particularly, as the case in Christina's song:
The boy who wonders is he good enough for them
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win

Uh-huh. So it's all started because there's this someone I like right now. I think he's smart and handsome and independent and...oh, the list goes on. But day after day I observe him, he seems sad. Like, there's something hurtful about his past that he just won't let go. But, probably it's just my imagination.

Anyway, I always drown in fantasy that wouldn't it be great if I can make him my prince charming and this be my fairytale? He seems so perfect --at least for now.
That's one of the problems too, though. He's too perfect: handsome, smart, rich, hardworking. Why would he want to be with me? He has this long road of success ahead of him, with people throwing him flowers along the way.
I ridiculously entertain the thoughts that he does like me back, from the "friendly" way he talks to me and all. But, everybody knows that he is the friendly sort of guy (a huge successful-person-to-be, hello?) and who knows how "friendly" he gets with the other girls? You'll be able to see how those girls flock around him like hungry fish when food is thrown at them.

Back to the issue, since I really really like him, is it worth it to get his attention? It is the problem with me, too, since I'm more to career-minded, I always believe that it's not worth it to waste your time patching love story.
But this time...for once, I started to doubt what I've believe in for so long.
On one side, it seems beautiful to have a relationship. "Someone to have and hold" they say, to share your thoughts, happiness and sadness. Someone you can always call immediately when you get good grades, did an impressive presentation, or when you're sad or sick.
But on the other side, I just can't stand the hurt should he one day change his feelings (in my opinion, guys do change too fast, too often). And not to mention if our parents disagree on our relationship. OR if he, himself, is career-minded and decides that it's not worth his time having relationship with ME *gasp*

There you have it, I've put it out my head. I just wish that I have a mom or a best friend or whoever to talk to about things like this. Sadly, I have none.
Even though it's a different issue (but on the same topic), I just want to close this post with a line from Westlife's song
"If you've got somethin' to tell me, don't keep it inside. Let it be heard."
"You have to handle what's happening in your immediate environment, even if it's less fun than dreaming about the future. Nevertheless, no one can see your thoughts, so you can continue exploring your hidden fantasies as long as you also cover your bases in the here and now."

Even my horoscope knows I've been living more in my dreams than in reality. Even the "hidden fantasies" part is true. Aren't I glad very very few people can read minds *lol*
Well, yeah. Been thinking and dreaming about my future, of the thing(s) I want so bad to have and of which I've been preparing. But, of course, focusing too much on what's too far in front is not good, we tend to forget what's right in front.
Been wanting to do something too (few things, actually). But can't decide whether it's the wise thing to do... If only I have someone I can talk to about things like this, to help me discuss and heft the right and wrong of it...
Soundtrack of the day: Welcome by Christina Aguilera

Does he? Does he not?
(It's a long story compiled into two short questions)


You know what's one of the most hurtful things in the world (I've just realized)?
When you think you're special to someone, but the truth is you're not.

New wish of Newcastle

"I'm so happy when I know what I want" --printed shirt

I don't know if this is included as a "new year resolution" (but seeing the definition of resolution, I think it is included), but I've just realized what I want, as a purpose of my life in a short term (not really a short term, though): I want to finish my last year of college on-campus. Which means, I'm so going to Newcastle!

Yes, it seems huge now. I definitely can't afford the air ticket and my pop definitely won't pay for it. How about accommodation and connection/friends? I have no information on those things. Not yet.

THAT brings me to other resolutions for this year: I have to work hard for my study, give myself straight As. And gather information on how to transfer to the campus in Newcastle. Also, surely pray hard for it and be a super nice girl so I can include this wish to my Christmas list and hope Santa (or, God, whichever) is kind enough to grant me it.

Now, let's talk about reasons: why (I know this question word will always come up) Newcastle? University of Newcastle I'm studying in has three campuses in Australia, fourth is in Singapore where I'm at right now. Those campuses in Australia are in Newcastle, Central Coast and Port Macquire. So why Newcastle?

At first, I was reading about the three campuses in UoN site, and it was stated that "Callaghan [the name of the campus] is our original campus". That sounds good, doesn't it? 

But this is better:

"Our beautiful natural environment with a smattering of buildings have won awards for outstanding architecture....Our ground staff not only look after the flora but they also ensure that the fauna that shares the bushland with us is treated with care and respect."
Perfect! Then, I went on to Wikipedia, it's written there that the temperature is between 12.4° to 23° celcius. 


Wikipedia also describe how beautiful the classic architecture of the building is (check out the pic I post). And an important thing: Newcastle located near beaches and has rivers. Lovely! I think I'll be comfortably happy living there :D