I just hate it when people say, "you don't know how I feel."
Of course I wouldn't know exactly how they feel, but to accuse that I never feel any pain in my life would be very judgmental. Oh I have my shares of pain...

Being called a whore by my own father? Been there.
Being suicidal and almost end my life? Done that.
Sent application in all college there is and accepted into none? Gosh, old story.
Chase out from my house by my brother? Passed that.
There was even times when I have no one to confide in, cos nobody cares. And even my best friends said I'm delusional and my mother called me attention-seeker.

But those are long forgotten stories, I don't even remember it as a memory but merely as stories I've read somewhere. And as Nietzsche long ago had said: What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

So somehow I survive.

There will always be times when you'll find yourself standing in the middle of crossroad; where you have to choose: to the left to suicide, or to the right to a better stronger person.
In my case, I'm too coward to choose left. So I only left with one option no matter I like it or not.

There will always be prices to pay, of course. I pay it with my ability to feel; so I can no longer feel a thing. Or in other words, I'm heartless.

You'd think I said all that because I'm living on bed of roses this moment. But you're so wrong. I'm living hell right now, surrounded by devils themselves. However, to misquote Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going...till you reach the way out."

That's what I'm doing now, hopefully I'll make it out alive.
Oh, whatever. I'm so done whining about myself.

"I've been through that." , "Everybody's gone through that stage." don't make it easier to go through...

-:-

Should I fall down, I'll drag somebody with me.

-:-

Money is scary. Or is it the person that is?

-:-

Theory: Unsuccessful people have no family behind them to support them morally.

-:-

Life is just a container, a medium; we decide what's inside it.

Tomo's tattoo

Per Aspera Et Astra - Through hardships to the stars.

Serba salah

When I'm quiet, they say I don't want to share stories.
When I talk, they say I keep talking about myself.

Ketika aku diam, dibilangnya aku tidak mau berbagi
Ketika aku berbicara, dibilangnya aku hanya berbicara tentang diri sendiri

What you want is not always what you get....

...thank God for that!

[Or in other words, like the old sayings said: Be careful of what you wish for]

Yes, we should be thankful that we didn’t get everything we want. Cos more often than not, we don’t know what’s good for us and what’s totally going to ruin us.
Yesterday I’m doing my part time job as a waitress. I went there -except for the bucks, of course- hoping to learn humility… and it’s exactly what’s given to me. The event was a very high-class one; I didn’t realize it until I get into the room.
On every single table, there are few spoons and few forks and few knives for a single guest. Oh, and few glasses. And everything is placed in such a way, it's all so neat.

Before we started, we were briefed. And the owner of the restaurant kept reminding us, “All the guests here are VIPs. And the exhibition today is to sell jewelries worth a quarter to half million dollars. These people are rich and high-class people, so you must must must respectable towards them.” Half million dollars.. Okay, got that.

Then there's the chef! He’s actually kinda cute -seems like mixed blood of Chinese and French- but he was so smug. He’s a bit pissed off that we didn’t know the name of the dishes.
He mentioned and explained every single name of the dishes, and in the end, he asked us, “Do you understand?” And some of us were nodding. Then he said, “So what’s ((insert a French food name here))?” We all went quiet. He went on, “And you said you understand?!” I thought, oh my God, spare us. I didn’t even ever eat any French food. The only thing I know is caviar (and I only knew it from Titanic. Wait, is that French food?) and I still don’t know what exactly caviar is made of. Would he want to treat me to some French food, so that I’ll remember some names?

Oh, I also remember he said something like, “We’ll be serving canapés.” I didn’t catch it, and I thought, “Canabis?! We’re serving cannabis?!”
Yeah, that’s how silly I was.

And another thing that added to my mental weariness, I met an old friend there. All of the sudden, out of nowhere. Gosh, Singapore sure is small! (Or should I say the world is?) She was my friend back from my elementary school. The thing is, she is the best friend of my nemesis.
By the time she caught a glance of me, her reaction was, “Kok kamu bisa di Singapore?” [“How did you get to Singapore?!”] In Indonesian language (along with the tone of her voice) it’s not the question of HOW did I end up in Singapore, but it’s a question of how did I able to come here. I was like, What? Am I not allowed being here? But my answer was only, “Yes, I’m studying here,” plus a smile that I hope will cover my annoyance.

Probably you think it’s so childish of me being annoyed over such thing. But you have no idea the background between me and her and everyone around us.
What’s more, she kept repeating how-did-you-get-here question every three minutes until our leader separated us and forbade us to talk to each other.

But anyway, all in all, it was a fun and exciting evening. And I went home an hour after midnight, with a higher level of humility, and $56 richer.