So, yesterday I was talking about things that I've been thinking about (and things that I want to do). One of them keeps bugging me, and I'm the kind of person who, when think too much, will get sick --literally. So I think I'll write it down here, just to share it with everyone, perhaps to get a reply of what anyone else think (and I need to get if off my chest!). Some things can only explained through melodic rhyming words. Some things don't even have words to represent them. But I'll try with my wits' best for this case. It's about relationships: marriage, lovers, you get the picture. But particularly, as the case in Christina's song:
The boy who wonders is he good enough for them He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win
Uh-huh. So it's all started because there's this someone I like right now. I think he's smart and handsome and independent and...oh, the list goes on. But day after day I observe him, he seems sad. Like, there's something hurtful about his past that he just won't let go. But, probably it's just my imagination.
Anyway, I always drown in fantasy that wouldn't it be great if I can make him my prince charming and this be my fairytale? He seems so perfect --at least for now. That's one of the problems too, though. He's too perfect: handsome, smart, rich, hardworking. Why would he want to be with me? He has this long road of success ahead of him, with people throwing him flowers along the way. I ridiculously entertain the thoughts that he does like me back, from the "friendly" way he talks to me and all. But, everybody knows that he is the friendly sort of guy (a huge successful-person-to-be, hello?) and who knows how "friendly" he gets with the other girls? You'll be able to see how those girls flock around him like hungry fish when food is thrown at them.
Back to the issue, since I really really like him, is it worth it to get his attention? It is the problem with me, too, since I'm more to career-minded, I always believe that it's not worth it to waste your time patching love story. But this time...for once, I started to doubt what I've believe in for so long. On one side, it seems beautiful to have a relationship. "Someone to have and hold" they say, to share your thoughts, happiness and sadness. Someone you can always call immediately when you get good grades, did an impressive presentation, or when you're sad or sick. But on the other side, I just can't stand the hurt should he one day change his feelings (in my opinion, guys do change too fast, too often). And not to mention if our parents disagree on our relationship. OR if he, himself, is career-minded and decides that it's not worth his time having relationship with ME *gasp*
There you have it, I've put it out my head. I just wish that I have a mom or a best friend or whoever to talk to about things like this. Sadly, I have none. Even though it's a different issue (but on the same topic), I just want to close this post with a line from Westlife's song
"If you've got somethin' to tell me, don't keep it inside. Let it be heard."
"You have to handle what's happening in your immediate environment, even if it's less fun than dreaming about the future. Nevertheless, no one can see your thoughts, so you can continue exploring your hidden fantasies as long as you also cover your bases in the here and now."
Even my horoscope knows I've been living more in my dreams than in reality. Even the "hidden fantasies" part is true. Aren't I glad very very few people can read minds *lol* Well, yeah. Been thinking and dreaming about my future, of the thing(s) I want so bad to have and of which I've been preparing. But, of course, focusing too much on what's too far in front is not good, we tend to forget what's right in front. Been wanting to do something too (few things, actually). But can't decide whether it's the wise thing to do... If only I have someone I can talk to about things like this, to help me discuss and heft the right and wrong of it...
"I'm so happy when I know what I want" --printed shirt
I don't know if this is included as a "new year resolution" (but seeing the definition of resolution, I think it is included), but I've just realized what I want, as a purpose of my life in a short term (not really a short term, though): I want to finish my last year of college on-campus. Which means, I'm so going to Newcastle! Yes, it seems huge now. I definitely can't afford the air ticket and my pop definitely won't pay for it. How about accommodation and connection/friends? I have no information on those things. Not yet. THAT brings me to other resolutions for this year: I have to work hard for my study, give myself straight As. And gather information on how to transfer to the campus in Newcastle. Also, surely pray hard for it and be a super nice girl so I can include this wish to my Christmas list and hope Santa (or, God, whichever) is kind enough to grant me it.
Now, let's talk about reasons: why (I know this question word will always come up) Newcastle? University of Newcastle I'm studying in has three campuses in Australia, fourth is in Singapore where I'm at right now. Those campuses in Australia are in Newcastle, Central Coast and Port Macquire. So why Newcastle? At first, I was reading about the three campuses in UoN site, and it was stated that "Callaghan [the name of the campus] is our original campus". That sounds good, doesn't it? But this is better: "Our beautiful natural environment with a smattering of buildings have won awards for outstanding architecture....Our ground staff not only look after the flora but they also ensure that the fauna that shares the bushland with us is treated with care and respect." Perfect! Then, I went on to Wikipedia, it's written there that the temperature is between 12.4° to 23° celcius. Perfect. Wikipedia also describe how beautiful the classic architecture of the building is (check out the pic I post). And an important thing: Newcastle located near beaches and has rivers. Lovely! I think I'll be comfortably happy living there :D